Very sensitive - my nanny's pregnant [grin] - long sorry

[KatieDD]

I'm absolutely delighted for her, she's over the moon in between the constant throwing up.
I do however have two problems, firstly she's rather scatty anyway and this seems to have become much worse, I know I was very day dreamy and yesterday I actually saw her whilst supposedly watching my kids in the pool starring into space, not a problem because i was watching too, but this is only going to get worse isn't it ?
The other thing is my 4 year old tends to lash out when she's having a tantrum and the nanny announced that F had kicked her in the stomach, now this s after i had said to leave her mid paddy but the nanny went a head and tried to pick F up and apparently got kicked, I didn't see it.
Do you think this can work throughout the pregnancy, any words of wisdom greatly appreciated.
She is talking about coming back to work when the baby is 6 weeks with the baby which I think is going to be too much for her anyway.
I really really want this to remain friendly, we are still in touch with our other nannies, am just very concerned about the hormones flying around.

really tricky one this . I would seriously not agree to her coming back on a definate because things might change seeing as shes a bit dippy and you might not want her too . She will learn about protecting her body it wont take long to figure it out . LOL I would just wait and see what happens for a few weeks . Best of luck .

Oh and lucky you having a pool with this weather how nice .

You don't have to accept her back with baby - so think about if you are prepared to accept her back with baby, or if you would prefer not to have baby accompany her.

If the job becomes dangerous for your nanny during her pregnancy, then you can't really offer alternative employment. So your nanny may want to look at starting maternity leave earlier. Not sure you can force her to take early maternity leave, but if your nanny feels it's too dangerous doing the work, then I would expert her to make that decision.

Hi Nick .

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I think you are worrying about decisions that aren't yours to make. I personally think the whole concept of pregnancy brain is fictitious. It certainly didn't affect me. And if someone at work wrote me off as a mush brain because I was pregnant you can bet I'd have something to say to HR about it.

"Do you think this can work throughout the pregnancy, any words of wisdom greatly appreciated." Surely, you aren't thinking of letting her go because she is pregnant? Because if you did, you would very quickly find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

The four year kicking is a valid concern. I would do a health and safety assesment (which I believe you are required to do by law anyway) and in that assessment I would advise that she take every precaution to reduce the risk of that happening -- including but not limited removing herself from the situation. At the very least, she can step back and turn around. And, I would have very strong words with the four year old.

As for her coming back to work with/without the baby and when, she and she olone gets to choose when she returns. You may choose whether or not the baby comes with her. And if the baby does come with her you can reasonable expect to consider it a nanny share and therefore pay a bit less. (though some people do choose to continue on the same rate)

Yes but we aren't talking about you with the greatest of respect, we're talking about somebody who i know is being affected by pregnancy brain and if she isn't then the problem is bigger than i thought, because she is scatty and day dreaming, which has the potential to put my kids in danger at worse and piss me off for 7 months at best. If the moods continue and the snapping at me and the kids then it may come to letting her go.
Obviously I am dealing with the 4 year old kicking out and as I stated I had already told her not to pick the child up but she put herself in danger by ignoring me and going ahead.
I agree within reason she gets to choose when she comes back but i don't want her back and then again putting my kids in danger because she's knackered and as i've always been exhausted I'm basing my worries on that.

Oh and the rate isn't an issue I would want to pay her what she usually earns, she is a kind lovely girl hence why I would like to keep everything sweet as possible and end if it's going to end nicely.

ok, but if she is scatty and daydreaming and not looking after your children properly then you need to deal with that as you normally would any issues.

It doesn't matter if it has any to do with her pregnancy and you certainly shouldn't infer to her it does but just treat as you would normally any working issue.

Thanks Laurie, will hunt out those kid gloves

you can;t dismiss her because she is pregnant. You can talk to her if you think her work isn't up to standard, but I'd be very careful about how you approach it. Also, read up on her rights in pregnancy: you are bound to follow them as her employer.

Will do thanks Effie, i don't want to dismiss her that would be the absolute last straw hence why i was asking if anyone had any suggestions how to work through this.

I think you need to be clear about your responsibilities

she is responsible for doing the job you're paying her for (wheil not putting herself at risk)

you're responsible for a safe working environment

you may want to go the extra mile in the interests of keeping what sounds like a good nanny: any chance of her getting a break in the afternoons for a quick siesta, for example? Not that most workplaces would offer that

She works from 12pm until 6pm so not really unfortunately, I am going to ask her to take it down a gear cut out a lot of the physical stuff.
I guess my main concern is how unrealistic she is about things, she asked how old her baby would have to be before she could take it swimming with mine, I have 3 under 7 years so she's pushing it taking just my three but seemed quite shocked when I said I didn't think taking her baby would be a good idea, it's as if she thinks she'll go from my three to four as easily as a mother would, without taking into account that the baby will her first priority and that might short change my kids.

Sorry just working this through in my head as I type.

I know that I come off as rather blunt even harsh to a British audience. But, really, I've been round the nanny employer block a few times and I am trying to help you.

What you should be thinking is how you will make this work, not "if". Letting her go is not a "last option" because it is not an option at all.

I agree with Laurie. You have every right to expect her to do her job. But separate her performance from the fact that she is pregnant. I'm not sure what you mean by "whilst supposedly watching my kids in the pool starring into space". Does that mean she was comatose or does it mean she looked away for 10 seconds while she was considering what to go prepare for lunch when they get out of the pool? I'm probably not as up on pool safety as your are since I don't have a pool and am not really keen swimmer myself. I like sports, but swimming isn't really on the list for me.

I'm suring that having a nanny fall pregnant is a real PITA for a nanny employer. It has never happened to me (thankfully!). But, you do have to consider that "pregnancy brain" is perhaps not a proven medical condition. And even if it is, then you can't let her go because of an ailment that is a direct result of being pregnant. As your employee, she has rights. And I really think you should google UK maternity rights so you know what hoops you are legallybound to jump through. I sympathise. I really do.

It means she was starring into space, 10 seconds or 5 for that matter is long enough for my 4 year old to get into trouble in the water (we were on holiday btw I don't own a pool unfortunately), I think any activity though, horse riding, crossing the road, driving i expect her to be 100% on the ball at all times, I pay over the going rate because I want a good caring nanny.
I work from home so her being pregnant isn't a massive deal for me if she was her usual, just slightly scatty self, my concern is it getting any worse and I think I have decided I don't really want the baby coming too I can see to many problems there.

In the pool ? damn right I am, if she's not in the water with them then I do expect them watched constantly and yes when i'm with them i do keep my eyes firmly fixed you have to, especially if they aren't even yours.

That's fair, Katie. Not everyone wants a nanny with her own baby. You have every right to tell her the baby can not come. But, of course, that probably means she will not come back. And, if you tell her this now it may effect the performance on the job until she goes on maternity leave.

Oh... pity about the pool. I had images of your lovely pool house just down the other end of the garden from the main house.

Keep in mind that you can alter her duties to relieve any physical strain, but you will have to pay her the same until she begins her maternity leave. Although a six hours day is only a part time job to begin with so I would think her hours are probably fine.

Hell no, that's my dream too (the house with the pool).
I might put something in writing to cover my back like I don't expect her to allow herself to be kicked etc.
Thanks for the suggestions AN

No problem.

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/WorkAndFamilies/DG_10026556

Would I be posting - Yeah I think i did post a while back about her general scattiness, forgetting things, loosing important stuff etc etc I think my worry is as I said before based on my own experience of three pregnancies I don't envisage this getting any better.
The outcome of my other post was that the nanny was kind, had a good heart and the kids love her so scattiness was th price you paid for that and it wasn't like anyone was getting hurt as a result of lost socks etc.
I saw the nanny wasn't looking and conted to 10 before attracting her attention to the kids by calling their names, honestly i don't know how long she wasn't looking before i noticed, might have been 11 sec's might have been 10 mins.
If I hadn't been there I wouldn't be freaking out and she'd probably sail through the pregnancy and i'd be none the wiser but I was and now rightly or wrongly it is worrying me.

I counted of course not conted lol

bloody hell, i thought you meant your Grandma!