I'm going to give up now

[OldRosebud]

Am regular but have name changed out of paranoia.

Recently recruited a new nanny on a short term contract, am about to go on maternity leave. This was after a very short spate with another lady who had to return home unexpectedly to her country.

Turns out our nanny had a pre-existing medical condition which she did not disclose to us at the time - for various possible reasons - and has now gone off unexpectedly to have surgery for it. It's unclear how long she might be off - could be a month - but it's unlikely that even if she can come back relatively quickly she will be able to lift. It's difficult to even recruit temporary help because I have no clarity on the timeframe and -for various other indisputable reasons - cannot possibly afford to pay for two sets of childcare any longer than is necessary. I have major major expenses coming up in the next two weeks. But at the end of the day it's not even the money as much as the unbelievable hassel we are going to have. Honestly, the timing could not be worse. I wish I could say all that we have going on w/o worrying about identifying us! Our families are not anywhere nearby.

One option I guess is to leave early on maternity leave but I'm really p'oed by that because now my case work has been structured around a date I agreed AGES ago, and I have a client focused job so this is SHIT. Plus, I had my holiday all planned around extending my maternity leave.

Please don't lecture me on how this is not DN's fault - I know it's not. I'm just really stressed.

I really think that even with more than one child we are going to have to go back to using a nursery. It's possible I could put DC1 in a private preschool all day and then the little one in a nursery. But it seems sad to have them separated...horrible actually. Has anyone else done this?

Jura
Thanks for your post.

Families are both far away although my mother and father are considering how they might be able to help. My parents look after a sick relative so it's very complicated for them on that front. And already they've called in favours to help so my mom can come when the baby arrives.

DC's ex nursery have said they'll have her for next week but they're not sure what they can do subsequent to that. This is definitely a more economical option for us, however much I am dreading the tooing and froing. And after the...MOVE...it's going to be very complicated to get her there...

So you see why I'm feeling crazy.

What I am curious to know is what exactly is legal to ask in these situations? Can you say, do you have any illnesses or medical conditions which would prevent you from being able to do this job?! But if you start probing around that...when does it become dodgy?! I'm trying to think how I could have prevented this situation from happening, but when I took up references it was all good attendance. I'm wondering if people are just too terrified to say anything about a health issue...

Didn't use agency in this case.

The reason I mentioned the attendance is that she's had days off for another unrelated problem too.

That's awful and must leave you feeling you've been taken advantage of. Certainly if she came through an agency you should ask them whether there's any help they can offer.

No advice except currently using different childcare providers and it's a nightmare.
We're desperately trying to switch to a nanny even if only part time. (am a bit of a chilcekn to do it full-time). It might work if you have super 9-5 jobs but I am sooooo stressed about not getting someone on time every day it's exhausting me

Yes I think there is. I have already started the emails on this one. I think it's going to come down to whether we happen to find someone who can help or not, as we're now in the situation where we don't have much time to offer to make it worth their while to commit to us per se.

OldRosebud to answer your question about what can you ask.

Yes it's perfectly reasonable to ask about someone's medical situation and any conditions that might affect doing the job they are being paid to do. Lots of 'normal' employers have medical questionnaires which must be completed honestly as a condition of the employment, and they are specifically designed to flush out anything that might be of concern so it can be addressed and discussed prior to employment.

The only thing you need to be careful of is disability discrimination. If the condition could be considered a disability, then you can't obviously reject someone because of that, what you have to do is make reasonable adjustments to the job where possible. Realistically it's not possible to adjust the job of a nanny so that it doesn't involve lifting I'd say, so even if the condition could be considered a disability (and the definition can be wider than you might think, I'll find a link in a sec), if it means she won't be able to do the job and you can't possibly make adjustments, it's fine to reject a candidate on that basis.

Hope you sort something out soon anyway.

Definition of disability

Flowery - thanks so much for your message.

If I can explain w/o being too oblique - what she's gone into hospital for now is definitely not a long term disability. It's the sort of problem that can niggle and niggle but then blow up and they then HAVE to sort it out. It's usually with surgery. The person has it, takes time off, can't lift for a while, then it's over. She'd been dealing with this problem for over a year when she joined us and didn't mention it. To be fair to her, it's not like she is a doctor and could be expected to manage the condition. But she was frequently in quite a lot of pain, which would be relevant to whether she could work as a nanny.

The other condition is something she's had her whole life and deals with. This she disclosed but it's in the nature of something loads of people have and live with, so I wasn't that alarmed. However, after she joined, on probing, it is worse than I imagined. And she's also had time off for that. I'm not sure if this could be considered a disability as such - arguably maybe although it wasn't on that list.

Even if something could be classed as a disability what you hvae to do is make reasonable adjustments to accommodate. Clearly there are some jobs where that simply isn't possible.

There's no obligation on an employee to mention all the medical problems they have/had when they start work but lots of employers ask. If they have something which could be considered a disability and for which they would expect reasonable adjustment to be made, they do have to mention it obviously, to give the employer the opportunity to do so.

What do you actually want to do about this nanny? I am assuming she will only be entitled to SSP for all this time off she is having, so in terms of your costs they are minimal with the obvious exception of alternative childcare. But what do you want to do going forward?

If you don't feel you can answer these questions without disclosing too much but would like a chat about your options do feel free to email me flowery dot beanbag at ntlworld dot com

Thanks for your mess. Will email if you don't mind...

Pre Employment Health Questionnaire - an example from a UK University. I expect that a similar document could be used by employers of nannies.

HTS - did you mean to post under that name? Perhaps MN could delete that msg?