what should an au pair expect?

[stressed2007]

Hi all. The great au pair hunt continues as we still have n't found one. There has been some interest from ladies and they all ask the same questions so was wondering if you could steer me as to what is the "norm" for them - is this laid down as a standard anywhere (if so where?):

How much should they be paid? Does this differ on location (we are in Hertfordshire)?

How many hours work should they be expected to help with per week and how much of this might be cleaning/helping with kids/ babysitting?

Are you expected to pay for their language courses and if so what sort - I have looked into these locally and they range from 2 hours per week to 3 full days per week (which is £2000!) How much time on average do they need to go to school and is it fair to say you cant go on a course requiring attendace 9am - 5 pm 3 days a week?

How many days off a week should they have?

Is it expected that they can have people/relatives to stay in their house (not too keen on this one as I have small children)?

Just asking as I don't want to be offering an unattractive package but in the same way I don't want it to seem just like a holiday!

Thanks

Well mine is a live in, and gets free food and accomodation and doesnt have to contribute to the bills for this. We occasionally fill up her car for her as she carts the dcs around quite a lot and picks them up from school. So other than that. £70 a week is reasonable for me, in Somerset.

Thanks - is it her car then? We were thinking of givng her a car (we have one spare) insuring her and free petroel (needs to get to college) - is this a bit over the top then? Is your au pairs car her own? What hours does your lady do?

I think the amount they are paid depends upon location and expected duites. The normal amount of hours is 25 for an aupair, more for an aupair plus (who would be paid more). I would say that my ap spends 80% of her time cleaning/tidying, and 20% or less with the kids. However, I think she probably only does about 10 hours work per week total. I would be happy to ask her to babysit twice a week, but in reality it's more like twice a month.

My ap attends language classes twice a week (6 hrs in total). I think it's fine to say that the classes must fit in with your needs, but I also think they must have some classes that you would be happy for them to go to. So if your needs would rule out them attending any local classes you need to make them aware of this.

I have let my ap have friends to stay the night (after a night out) and for the weekend a few times. Her boyfriend also came to stay for a week, and her parents stayed part of the same week (although I was on holiday and only DH was around - would have said no to the parents otherwise due to space!). The friends staying is fine, apart from the fact that on a couple of occasions they've woken DS2 up at 4am, which is then him up for the day Apologies count for nothing when you're exhausted the next day! If friends to come to stay mid-week, it's difficult to expect the same level of work I think, so in future I'd say yes (for extremes like boyfriend, or close friend from abroad), but they take it as holiday (no pay), and still help out with kitchen chores etc.

My ap has two days off per week, but in reality I still expect a certain level of help at the weekends - e.g. clearing up after herself in the kitchen, helping clear the table / load the dishwasher if she eats with us.

We have paid a weeks holiday in six months - most of which has been her travelling home mid-week but still receiving a whole weeks pay. We also bought a mobile phone, with an initial £20 credit on it. I expect her to keep it topped up as time goes on. I buy all food, and ask if there's anything she needs. I also provide toiletries, so long as she's happy to use whatever we are using!

I think there is a huge range of expectation among aupairs about their pay and conditions but there is also the same huge range among aupair families as to what they will be getting for their money!

Generally, aupairs are supposed to get free board and lodging and "pocket money" of about £60 per week. This is supposed to cover 25 hours of work and usually one/two evenings babysitting. Some families give a bit more money, particularly if you live in an expensive area of the country. There is also a standard amount for an aupair plus who is allowed to do 35 hours per week, but I don't know what that currently is.

Many families provide some extra benefits and these tend to depend on the needs of the families themselves - giving an aupair a mobile phone, usually PAYG and sticking some credit on it seems to be fairly standard, nice for AP and also ensures that you can keep in touch with them if you are out and plans change. If AP needs to take public transport with your children or to get to college, paying for a bus pass would also be fairly standard. Putting them on your car insurance or giving them a car is very generous unless you need to do it in order to ferry your dc around and will probably be expensive, dependng on AP's age and driving experience. If it's not necessary, I certainly wouldn't do it! If you do go down that route, be clear about how petrol will be funded and how much the AP can use the car for personal use (are you happy for her to drive to Scotland for the weekend in it?!), who will pay any parking fines etc.

Re language classes, part of the AP experience is that they learn the language and families vary in what portion/how much they will pay for classes. Some councils run free language classes, might be worth checking that out. Otherwise, it is perfectly in order to come to some mutually convenient arrangement re the class times, many run in the morning and finish at lunch which often works well. As the AP should only work 25 hours pw, fitting in the classes is not usually a problem unless you require all of those hours to be stretching across the middle of the day, for example. If this is the case, then you should point that out to the APs at the application stage and they can decide if this is a problem for them or not.

I am very unkeen (if that is a word!) on allowing friends/family to stay. In general, I would say no to visits but would be prepared to review if it is a one-off, shortish visit from family and you have space to accommodate it. It is certainly not a "requirement" and if you don't want to do it, there should be plenty of APs who will respect that.

The main thing is to try and provide as much information about your requirements and expectations before AP arrives to avoid lots of issues popping up after they get here. Hope that helps!

Stressed
If you are looking for a driver then I think that is usually classed as an AP+
so generally they do 30 hours a week for about £80...
It's usually split shifts school run in the morning and at night. Mine does 80% cleaning 20% childcare
you insure the car but you don't have to give her petrol money for her own use just the driving she does for you.
She needs to attend a college where the hours suit you..most CC's run EFL courses during the day and in the evenings, again you don't have to pay for this but you can contribute. (mine goes for 2 hours twice a week 10-12)
I don't let friends stay over during the week but they can at weekends. Men are a difficult one, definitely no casual men but a long term bf if we've met him. You don't have to let friends stay if it is not convenient for you.
Basically if you go on the idea of what would be acceptable if she was your daughter, and what her parents would allow you're pretty much there.
And yes they should have 2 days off a week (washing their own plate doesn't count)

stressed - I'm in Middlesex so close to you.

If you look at the home page of Au Pair World and look at the UK Au Pair programme, it gives a lot of information about what is expected of an Au Pair and what they get in return. However, to give you my POV, I currently pay AP £65pw for 25 hours - she wanted a lot more but I said we could offer her a stable/loving environment where she will be treated as one of the family. She was happy with this. In fact, what they don't know is that I always offer low and then give them a bonus everytime they go beyond the call of duty. An old AP always used to be so happy with the extra bonus that she'd dance to school and tell my CM how nice I'd been.

You need to work out what you expect them to do - some will not like too much cleaning - if you need a schedule to base yours on, CAT me and I will send you mine. In terms of babysitting, we always say up to 2 evenings a week but average is once a week. However, be explicitely clear that this is included in the pocket money - I had an AP turn up and noted every hour she had helped (inc babysitting) and wanted payment for these. Some employers offer extra money for overtime, I don't instead I offer lots of time off. For holidays, I offer one week for every 6 months with us and, if they stay a year, an extra 2 weeks holiday as a bonus. I never pay for their flight home unless they stay til the end of the contract.

My AP goes to English lessons for 2hours a week, two days a week to Uxbridge College - it has cost me £160 plus £36 exam fee. I also pay her tube/bus fare there/back. Many moons ago, we wanted a car driver but were so nervous about them driving over here (as they are as well) that it just wasn't worth the extra hassle. Now we supply a bike.

We always give our APs the weekends off but most of their friends have to work Saturday so this varies from family to family.

Initially, we had APs dfs/family over to stay in her very large en-suite room and it worked well. But with each new AP we have found that our hospitality is being taken more and more for granted. Now we say that no overnight visitors until at least one month after they start. And then, we will need to meet them and they can only stay when we are not there, with our prior approval.

I was very much like you initially, but I have really hardened up after a few disastrous experiences. In the same respect, you will find a lot of APs that have had an awful experience with a family so are looking for a "family" not a employer. Do not drop your requirements just because you are fed up with the recruitment process - you will find someone who is a perfect match eventually - you just have to weed out the timewasters who want to come to London (Herts is close enough) to go clubbing and meet up with their dfs.

I do know of a couple of Finnish girls coming in August, but I know you need someone now (by your name )

MrsR any Finns coming over sooner??? Pretty please If I cat you my APW details would you see.

I pay on the high side, slightly above the APW rec. It is the only way I can lure a decent canditate to the sticks to help with a child with SN (although not currently working a sa tactic!). I also pay bonuses for good work.

I also offer use of laptop with SKYpe, selfish so no huge phonebills and happy ap.

PAYG mobile topped up monthly with £10

A Starbucks card with £10 on in case of emergencies lunches with the DC

A Bike (!)

Money towards young persons rail card (£20)

If the right candidate I would pay half college fees (£60) per term, although I do not offer this up front.

An all expenses paid (plus wages) 2 weeks in a 5* hotel with us in the summer - expensive but bliss.

A a genuinely friendly family environment.

Well we're between au pairs but we offer:

£60 for 25 hours a week + one night babysitting. This is approx 60% childcare alongside me, and 40% housework. 2.5 full days off a week.

I pay for college which is 4 hours a week spread over two days + exam fees.

I provide a bike and buy them a young persons railcard but all other train fares they pay (where we are they need to take the train to go anywhere).

They get a PAYG mobile but they are responsible for credit. Free access to Skype and broadband internet. Phone calls up to 1.5 hours per week.

We allow occasional overnight guests by prior arrangement. Only long term boyfriends no casuals. No guests during the week except on v rare occassions.

MDS - I'll be your ap for the holiday

marmaduke - CAT me with your APW link and I'll see if she knows of any.

We've offerred holidays abroad but they've never wanted to come

My Finn last year was rather hesitant before she arrived about coming on our family holiday.

After about a week she explained that a family she was in negotiations to be an AP with had invited her to come on their family holiday. BUT they had explained to her that they would all be sharing one large room (parents, children and AP) and they were naturists so both adults would mostly be naked when in the room. She was 17 and afterwards thought that this was common in British families .

Laura, you have to share with the 2 DC in an adjoining suite to ours? Are you free on July 16th?

at the naturist family! At least they told her!

My little sister might well be interested (she's 18, 19 in September). She's fantastic with kids (esp v.difficult 4 yr olds and clingy 1 yr olds ). Do you want to CAT me your APW details, and I'll email her? She's off to uni in September to do a primary teaching degree, so is saving up! I'm hoping she's going to go to the uni near us and be my new ap!

We haven't had an au pair yet - but have one starting in August. We offered £65 pocket money for what will usually be watching the kids from 3.50pm to 5.30pm 2 times a week (she has lots of childcare experience so hopefully this sole charge time will be ok), have actually said that we need help 8.00-9.00 and 3.30-6.00 which will be a small amount of light housework (30mins per day max), dog walking (if we get a dog) and mainly keeping kids occupied whilst I help with homework/cook tea etc. We've also said we want 2 babysits a week (but I can't imagine us using more than 2 a month).

We are also offering £10 a week towards bus/train fares or will insure for our car (but so far no applicant has had enough driving experience for me to afford the car insurance, and they don't need to drive for us as kids go on school bus). Also providing a PAYG mobile with £10 credit per month, a young person's railcard, and membership of local gym (£30 per month). Use of a bike. And our scintillating company :-) Oh, and tv/computer with skype in their room. And a 'meat' allowance (since we are veggies so they can buy/cook their own meat)

I haven't offered to pay for language courses, although if they chose to go to the cheap evening ones I wouldn't mind. There are an awful lot of very expensive language schools round here though, and didn't fancy getting into arguments about £2000 fees.

MrsRecycle - the CAT system won't let me CAT you as it says there is no one registered of that name - please can you CAT me. Thanks

that's strange stressed - got marmadukes ok - never mind, I've just CAT'd you...