Should I ask my elderly aunt to mind my toddler?

[QuintessentialShadows]

I have a lively and lovely son who will be 3 in June.

Since I moved, he is no longer in nursery, and I still have my part time from home job. I am with him 24/7 and do my job between 9 pm till midnight. I am too tired.

Where I am now, there are no regulations and no requirements to childminders. They are usually just a sahm who takes care of other peoples children for money. No certificates, or anything, and there are many horror stories about lack of care.

The nurseries are state regulated, with one intake per year, the waiting lists are long, so you cant just come in the middle of the year and expect to get a place. My son has a full time place from the end of August in a really nice nursery, where we will just pay the standard fee of £240 per month.

But I am stuck without childcare till then.

So, my aunt is a social and active 70 something. Recently bereaved she is struggling to fill her days, and have been taking shifts in the boutique she used to work for prior to retirement (fashion consultant) and doing filing at my uncles lawfirm. She has just returned from 3 months in the Canary sun. She has 4 children, 20 odd grandchildren and some great grandchildren too, all living in a different part of the country.

Should I ask her if she wanted to take ds2 for a few hours once a week?

mmm
I think 70 is a bit old for a lively 3 year old myself. Esp if they dln't know each other. The jobs you mentioned are very different from looking after a young boy

although, would she go to your house? would you be in the house as well?

If he was a baby I would say go for it. I think a toddler is too much except for emergency/one offs.

Some 70 years olds are very fit and active.

My neighbour of 72 just ran the marathon and certainly puts me to shame.

I would ask her.

I am sure she would love the idea of having her great nephew with her!

But, is she physically active enough, or will it tire her out excessively? Does she have a social life that would be severely curtailed by having a toddler with her all day every day?

It might be easier to go and have tea with her and discuss your difficulties to see if she comes up with the idea herself. If you ask her directly she might be unable to say no, even if it does curtail her social life. If she could carry on doing all the things she normally does with a toddler with her, it would be a win-win situation. You may have to play it by ear though.

Yes. But accept that he may end up watching a lot of TV if your aunt finds it physically hard to keep up with him. DH's aunt is a similar age, and is very hands on with her grandkids.

my fil is 78 and hes more than capable of looking fter my 3 rowdy sons-it depends on your aunt if YOU think she can do it theres no doubt she is ble to do it i suppose you cn sk her nd see how it goes it may well be that she will love it and an afternoon a few times a week with her might be beneficial to both of them.

I agree with duchesse. Moan about your difficulties and see if she suggests it.

I had a very fit elderly person look after ds3 one day a week when he was a baby. Once he started moving she just found it too much (her health also crashed very suddenly which didn't help) and she had to stop. She loved it but just couldn't it anymore.

my dad is 75 and often looks after ds for a morning, and when i was ill recently, looked after him for longer stretches. They do watch some TV but also read books and play games. Ds is three and knows he has to shout to get grandpa to hear him! However, I ask them not to go out, which my dad is a bit put out about, but because of his deafness I am too worried about them on roads, etc. I honestly think a few hours once a week would be fine, if she is fairly fit and active.

I was only thinking 2-3-4 hours once a week, not every day, as I also think this will be too much. Not least because that would curtail her social life, lol!

I thougth she could take him up to the museum (interesting childrens dinsaur exhibition), to the beach near her house, or something not too taxing.

I agree, I will wait till next time she pops around (which will be quite soon as she just got back) and moan my plight. If she offers I will make arrangement for her to have him an hour or two to start with. If she doesnt offer, I will let it be.

Thanks.

there is no harm in asking her - 70 seems old, but my dad is 70 and he is quite capable of looking after a 3yr

all depends on the person = mention and see if she would like to spend time with her great nephew

My dh is 68 and has his own lively 3yr old (and 1 yr old) and certainly seems to have more energy than me . Age is just a number!

I'd go for it.

My dad is 83 and still insists on picking up ds and dd twice a week from school. They go back to our house for a snack, ds does homework, dd keeps grandpa company. My mum, whose health is a bit dodgy now, comes too, sometimes.

Quint, it will give him an independent relationship with another loved and trusted adult. An older one too. Dd, who has spent the odd afternoon with my parents since they moved back to London when she was 2, has an especially close relationship with them that is not defined by me or dh.

AND you get a bit of a break.

AND a fit, active and experienced grandma who might be feeling lonely gets a good reason to see more of you all, as her own family are less readily accessible.

Go for it

ruty, x-posted. I think around three and up is a very good time for children to be close to much older people. I think there is a lot they share (opinionated, obsessed with food and drink, telly up too loud, lack of inhibitions ). My two adore grandpa and his refreshingly dotty approach to life...

LOL Marina. I come in sometimes and ds is chasing grandpa around the flat with a big stick pretending to be Mr Macgregor and grandpa is Peter Rabbit! Keeps grandpa fit!

I think 2-3 hours a week is ok - but any longer and they might feel committed until your son starts full-time school.

Also three year olds are sometimes harder work than babies - in my opinion!

waves to QS

Oh yes go for it!!

'Tis only till August so the carrot of it not being open-ended would be great if you both felt it was too much for her. Elderly relatives can often cope with a tiring situation if they know it's just a short-term thing to help out.TBH even if it EXHAUSTS her as long as it's only once/twice a week I'm sure she'd cope & it would give her another stimulus which would help her as well as you/him. As Marina says another "special" grown-up in his life would be great for him!

My mum who's 73 often looks after my hyperactive toddler who's 2, plus my stroppy 4 year old, plus my nephew who's 3 and his sister who's 5 months (admittedly not usually all at the same time!)

She's a dynamo - yes, she gets a bit knackered and her knees hurt her, but she's got a great way with them and loves looking after them. They adore her.

I'd say - ask your aunt and see how she feels about it. If she feels ok about it then do it. But give her lots of 'escape clauses' incase she starts to find it a bit much.

so have you asked/mentioned it to aunty?

Ask her, definitely.

I would never, ever trust my children to the care of a complete stranger - however much people would disagree with me. I don't care how qualified they are.

Ask your aunt, plenty of people are perfectly fit at 70 and you say she is, so go ahead and ask

I think it would be fine, if she is fit and active