Would someone mind reviewing this ad for an au pair for me?

[Monkeybird]

And telling me whether I'm missing something obvious or should change it? This is new to me so not sure if I've covered all the things I need to...

Would very much appreciate your input.

Thanks.

Part-time, live out Au Pair/Babysitter wanted

National Minimum wage (increase after probationary period)

Hours negotiable but likely to be 2-3 hours per day for 2-3 days per week, either before/after school times, plus occasional evening/weekend babysitting by prior arrangement.

Starting September/October 2008, although some summer work 2008 might be possible

Essential:

? Experience of looking after children of different ages including babies and older kids
? Willing to do school/nursery run, provide simple meals (sandwiches, snacks etc), play with children
? Honesty, reliability and discretion essential
? Written application, interview and references will be required

Desirable:

? CRB check (we will pay for one if not up to date/recent)
? First aid certificate/training
? Driving licence
? Childcare qualification

Apply by email using attachments if necessary to:
before May 16th 2008

In your application, please include:

? details of how you meet the criteria above
? a letter or personal statement telling us a bit about yourself. Please also include name, age, address, phone, email, availability for interview in May/June
? contact details (telephone numbers must be included) of 3 people who will be able to give you a reference. Referees should include at least one person whose children you have looked after; other referees could include other employers, or people who can comment on your skills, reliability and character.

I think you're looking for a nanny/mother's help, not an au pair/babysitter. Nanny if it's sole charge, mother's help if you're there too and s/he's giving you a hand.

The final bit sounds a tad formal - but then I'm guessing this is a gumtree type ad. I would put something along the lines of:

Please email us your cv and a covering letter telling us a little bit about yourself (don't make suggestions for this - if s/he can't work out what you want from that, and gives you a long letter about their sexual conquests or hopes and dreams for the future you can wheedle them out straight away)

Do you want to contact refs before or after you meet prospective candidates? I ask because you may find more questions after you meet someone. You can also ask people to post you copies of their written refs.

Thanks WT - that's really helpful. What is the difference between nanny/mother's help/au pair? I never know... I didn't put nanny because it sounds so formal and I don't necessarily expect a qualification...

I might be around sometimes but sometimes they will have sole charge for short periods...

Yes, I probably need a bit less info at the end...

...and also, I don't think I can bear to put mother's help on an ad (just call me an old unreconstructed feminist ) and mother's/father's help just doesn't scan or is confusing, no?

I have just typed out a huuuugue post an dmy fucking fucking fiucnking computer ate it

Back in a bit...

Minimum wage seems quite low to me if it's sole charge.

I dunno, I'm happy to pay more but for all kinds of reasons that I don't want to go into I know the people who take this job will be university students.

Not that I think they need less but I don't want to be 'rate-busting' either...

What would be the going rate do you reckon?

Brace yourself...

OK, I?m typing this in Word, so apologies if it?s got all sorts of gobbledigook where the apostrophes should be. The rest of the gobbledigook is entirely my own.

OK, so:

Au pair: a forrin what comes ?ere to experience life with a family, wherever ?ere may be; is typically aged 18-25; has little to no childcare experience or qualifications; may speak very little to ok English; takes classes at nearby English Language school or college; shouldn?t really be left in sole charge of babies and small children in your absence, but ok for school age children; will do cleaning; works about 25 hours a week plus 1-2 nights? babysitting; stays about 6months to a year on average; is meant to be from one of several specific countries, but no one pays a great deal of attention to that; comes over on an au pair visa, or is from an EU country and doesn?t need one; you provide room and board and pay them ?pocket money? of £60+ per week, depending on workload/hours etc; rarely a Swedish stunna hellbent on stealing your husband, more likely a sweet but lumpen sort, or skinny and teenagerish.

Babysitter: drinks your tea and watches your telly whilst you go out on the piss for the evening and your little darlings sleep; can be local teenager to qualified childcarer; generally you pay the going rate cash in hand and provide transport home, often a taxi. Will deal with bedtime stories but will phone you if she hears the sound of vomit splashing against a bedroom wall. Does not respond well to artless comments from dhs along the fnarr/porn film lines.

Mother?s Help: an extra pair of hands; will do child related stuff but not usually cleaning, but might do (for example) a bit of ironing and unload the dishwasher (unless you?re that moo employed by mummypoppins*, do a search!); ok to be left in sole charge of small children for short periods of time or if (for example if you go out for an hour or two, or to take children to the park/school); can be live in or live out; paid less than a nanny but more than an au pair; often someone starting to work in childcare or putting themselves through a childcare/similar course; not usually very qualified or experienced, if at all; you pay the going local rate, including tax and NI; they are your employee; may be terrific or gormless, or somewhere in between; will not service your dh, give birth to or breastfeed your children as part of her duties, she ain?t gonna be that helpful.

Nanny - qualified and/or experienced person to take sole charge of children in your absence; will do ?nursery duties? ? children?s laundry/cooking/shopping/toy sorting/arrange and take children to dr/dentist, arrange play dates etc etc ? all that you do; paid more than MH; can be live in or live out; is an employee, see above tax and NI ? v hard for nannies and MHs to be self employed; you pay going rate adjusted to nanny?s experience/qualifications etc; works 10-13 hours a day; live ins babysit as part of their contract, live outs tend to be paid extra; will be nothing like Mary Poppins unless you are very unlucky.

If you want an analogy:
Au pair ? junior clerk
Babysitter ? nightwatchman
Mother?s Help ? PA
Nanny ? manager
You ? CEO

Going rate depends much on where you live ? ie London nanny rates are about £8-£12 net per hour ? so more gross. Cheaper in the countryside.

*actually she has a nanny/housekeeper, not a MH, but one that has issues relating to a dishwasher!

My God that's a boring long read!

You could put 'opportunity for evening babysitting.'

I would sniff out a teacher/helper from a nursery or playgroup for those hours. What about school holidays?

You're not really after the whole nursery duties bit, so you don't need to pay top nanny rates.

PMSL...........wandering trolley a fantastic summing up !!

My moo has done a few errands this week and settled down a bit. Maybe it was PMT!

WT - thanks! that was very amusing and helpful. Yes, I see the distinctions!

Will ponder...

So if I ask for a part-time nanny, what do you think would be a reasonable probationary period?

How do people manage them - do you give them a contract? Do I have to worry about tax/NI/holiday pay/insurance?

Argh, it's all going to go pearshaped I'm sure...

Monkeybird - you might want to add 'non-smoker' to your list.

I would use a standard contract (try the one on nannyjob.co.uk) and quote the salary as gross in the contract (very important for part-time jobs as if your childcarer has another job it may be using all of his/her tax allowance).
Yes you may have the hassle of tax/NI to deal with..for which you can either employ a payroll company or do it yourself (which I am informed is quite easy..but I use nannypaye).

thanks Millarkie, really helpful.

Am daunted by all the bureaucracy, but I'm sure no-one on here pays cash in hand, do they? No-one at all. Nobody...

PS - is it OK to put non-smoker as an essential requirement?

Yes, ok to put non smoker - and people do pay cash in hand, they just don't admit it

Personally, I wouldn't advise anyone to do it, but if employer and employee are happy with it and in full knowledge of the consequences, I would reckon on it being none of my beeswax.

see, now (sorry to keep asking stuff but you guys sound very knowledgeable, and WT, you ARE my official MN hero since I try to be as funny as you but usually fail... and is there an arse-licking emoticon...?) if they were a full-time student, presumably the tax/NI stuff might be different anyway?

Or am I just over hopeful?

If you are lucky enough to find someone who doesn't want/have a second job and you pay less than £97 per week (I think) then you will not have hassle of tax etc.

If they are a full-time student and expect to earn under the personal tax allowance limit in an april to april year then you do not need to deduct their tax...however you will still be responsible for NI (I have employed a student teacher for the last year, to work for us in the holidays only - she gets her salary paid gross and then I have to pay the NI to the IR)
They get issued a form from the IR which you fill in to say how much (total) you have paid them over the tax year...you then hang onto the form unless it's requested.
My student becomes a proper tax payer this financial year which means that if I pay her the same as easter hols she will 'take home' less for the summer (ie. net rather than gross)..am currently trying to calculate a pay increase which isn't too insulting for her, but also affordable to me, to try to soften the blow!

Monkeybird...
For a decent AP with some childcare experience you're looking at £80-97 a week for 30 hours

But that's live in.

Students do pay tax etc if they earn over the threshold - single person's allowance is about £5000 pa I think. NannyNick is a one man nanny-administration library, he'll know the nitty gritty. I don't think paying students is going to cost you less in terms of tax and NI, alas.

Your weekday work is going to be 10 hours maximum, for which you would pay a London daily nanny £75-£100 net, or thereabouts. On top of that, you'd pay I'd GUESS £10 - £20 in tax and NI. (see NannyNick comment)

There is no need to lick my arse. It is not made of ice cream, it's made of, er, arse.

Is a student really likely to earn more than £5000 in a year, with a maximum of 9 hours per week though?