Be honest - have you ever looked after a child you didn't like?

[lazyhen]

Hi all - I'm still on mat leave and considering childcare options for when I return to work part-time. Now please forgive my ignorance and I don't want to offend anyone but I just wondered whether CMs take on children and then (for whatever reason) don't like the child. Does this happen and how do you deal with it?

In a nursery it could be argued that staff have the luxury of not dealing with a child 1:1 for the whole day but a CM would be stuck with them.

Obviously my DD is an angel and no-one could fail to fall instantly in love with her {wink}

I have taken on a child I liked who turned out to be hard work stuck with it for 4 months but then gave notice as he was constantly violent to my ds2 and my ds2 ended up at hospital with very sore leg he would not move, luckily nothing serious but big worry at time. normally you get 2-4 week settling in period to make sure everyone happy and if not come out of agreement before full contract begins only stuck with that child as mum was desperate but only child I have ever not taken too

What a shame for your poor son. I wonder where the boy went next?

I had a 3 year old with something called Oppositional Defiant Disorder - code for really, really hard work. The thing is I could see that underneath the "issues" he was really quite sweet, but after months of him throwing toys at me or DS3 and just doing whatever he wanted regardless of what I said or did I was a nervous wreck, and he is the main reason I no longer CM.

ive had a child whom i found extremely hard work, but she was the sweetest little thing and from such a messed up background..i never 'bonded' with her because of these problems, but i cared for her as i would with any of the others and did everything i should and could do to help and make her happy..TBH it was the parent that escalated the probs as i faced a brick wall everythime i mentioned things so nothing was ever resoved..id say be open, honest, appraochable and find out what your settling in period is, then if YOU dont feel comfortable you can look elsewere..good luck

I had a litte girl that tried to kill our cat!

She was horrible, and as she had 2 older siblings, I lost about £1000 a month when I gave them notice. I replaced her with another full timer that I have had now for over years, and although she is also a little hard at times, I am glad I did it. The whole house seemed more calm as soon as she didn't need to come back anymore.

I think that it just isn't worth it and you have to think of your own family now.

I had a litte girl that tried to kill our cat!

She was horrible, and as she had 2 older siblings, I lost about £1000 a month when I gave them notice. I replaced her with another full timer that I have had now for over years, and although she is also a little hard at times, I am glad I did it. The whole house seemed more calm as soon as she didn't need to come back anymore.

I think that it just isn't worth it and you have to think of your own family now.

Never had a child I didn't like, obviously some are easier to bond with than others and some you could just squish inside a butty and eat them but parents - now that's a different matter

found another cm brave enough to take him on but mum said was too far it was 5 min walk from my house turns out she was main problem not child, she gave up after that but if my child was like that I would have been pleased someone else would take on child she sent husband round to threaten me etc but she made her bed she can lie in it

I went back to work part time after dd1 and took in 2 for childminding, they were awful.
she was a spoilt bully who tormented the wee ones and he was just so terrified of her and frankly anything that moved he screamed the entire time

worst thing was they were kids of girl from work and she kept changing goalposts too so all became very awkward

eventually after another wideberth goal post removal by parents I gave 4wks notice, they didn't pay me from that moment on but kept bringing children until the sorted themselves out 6wks later

horrible ending and needless to say have not entered into world of childminding since as love kids and would have made a great solution to childcare/money for me

Actually I think alot of people have cited the parents as the offenders and I'm inclined to agree. I used to work with disabled children and it was always the parents who p*ssed me off, not the children but then I was never alone with really naughty children who were driving me crazy!

Even now I've changed my job and work with disabled and older adults (who can be rude and awkward), I always behave as if I was being watched by a family member. I just think it must be so hard to keep your cool with children who are winding you up for whatever reason in your home... but then that's why I'm not a childminder!

lazyhen - i think i've been very lucky with the mix of kids i've minded and to be honest if a child is going to play up it is usually my own - having said that you do have some kids you like more than others and if the parents are a PITA it can affect the relationship with the child.

Yes - I have a child at the moment who I've not 'taken to' as well as the others. I do think the younger they are when you take them on makes it much easier. I adore babies, and once you're looking after them, then seeing their little personalities develop is fascinating, whereas if they are older - 3 or 4, then they are often harder to fit into the niche you have.

Having said that, I am a professional, and neither the child, or their parent would ever know that I hadn't taken to her.
She adores coming and is upset at the weekend when she can't come to my house, so I don't think the's picked up any vibes!

Sally x

I haven't had any child I didn't like, but there are certainly some who are easier to look after than others and that you can bond with more.

BradfordMum what is it about this child you don't like (or haven't taken to). It's good to hear that nobody else 'knows'.

I once looked after the most stroppy, miserable, offensive little girl. Goodness knows what her issues were, but she constantly screamed "I hate you, I want my mummy!" and I tried everything, everything I could.

Basically she was an only child and her parents spoiled her to the point where when she screamed at her Mummy that "I hate you, other mummies pick me up from school, why can't you?" she actually quit her job and they found some very ridiculous reason to fire me without notice (leaving the shampoo bottles in the wrong place in the bathroom - hardly gross misconduct).

No money, no notice, nothing, the Dad just shouted at me down the phone and told me to put the keys through the door.

The nanny they have before me only lasted 4 weeks as well, and her end date suddenly changed from January to the last week in November with a couple of day's notice. Alarm bells should've rung then, but they told me she was going back to Australia.

God, they all deserve each other!!

Just come back from helping out at my DD2's playschool as a parent helper and what a day it was.
They have a litte boy with SN who gets very upset when his gran leaves him and he throws up on the floor, himself and others.
This time they managed to keep him on the hard floor and not on the carpets! as it stunk to high heaven last time.
Poor little boy could not have been feeling very well either as he had 6 runny nappies in the space of 3hrs and this was with 12 children in all and 3 adults, so one adult had to be with him most of the time.
He wanted to sleep all the time and would just lie on the floor anywhere...why did the parents send him in if he's so ill?
Another child a bit older is a bit of a "diva" and wants everyone to focus on her only.
She will strop, annoy other kids, won't go on toilet, even though she has been to hospital because of a water infection.
She will scream the place down if she does not get her own way and over the holidays she was at a playscheme and actuallly HID from the playleaders on purpose.
They had all the adults and older children 12yrs+ looking for her.
She was hidding in a cupboard.
I'm a great believer in the naughty step/corner and loss of priveledges if you'r naughty but it's hard work with other people's children.

Lazyhen - I find it hard to say really! She was 3 and a half when she started, and extremely bossy. She upset both of the other full time mindies, to the point that when I say that we're going to nursery to get T, one of them stamps his foot and say, 'No!don't like T'. I try to like her, but there's just something about her. She is always on her guard, and never seems to relax. She nips, pinches and pushes, not only the little ones, but me too.

When we get home from nursery, it's 'MAKE MY FOOD'. It get's to a point where I refuse, and sit down to read the little ones a book until she changes her tack, and asks very sweetly (TOO sweetly) 'What are we having for lunch today Sally?'.

I love mondays - She comes tues to fri!

I used to mind one lad, he was a bit shy and for his age a bit of a wimp but I treated him as my own child. He was a bit spoilt but parents were nice. Had to finish him when my youngest started a different school as I couldn't be at 2 schools at the same time.

I've now got 3 boys from same family -9,6 and 3 yrs, I have to be very firm with this lot! They would run riot if i didn't have rules.

Only today the eldest lad said he was 'feeling poorly' to his teachers who rang dad who then rang me as he was out of the area to ask me to pick him up. Dad said lad had gone to a party yesterday and was 'probably swinging it' so the teacher said she would keep an eye on him + if he was really bad to ring me or dad. Picked him up after school and bingo he's miraculously better and wants ice crea and crisps! Little monkey!

I have minded children who had unacceptable behaviour, but it didn't make me dislike the children.

I've done enough "managing behaviour" courses with ideas on how to deal with problems that I feel much more able to cope. There was always a lovely child hidden in there somewhere, but you just had to look harder!

You certainly need to have a good relationship with parents, I think that makes all the difference.

I agree with BradfordMum that life is certainly easier if the child has been with you since they were very young. I've been lucky enough to have some of mine from being babies through to secondary school - those relationships are really special.