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Original poster

Ingles2 new AP arrives tomorrow... Hooray!

34 replies

ingles2 · 19/04/2008 14:07

Hi Everyone...
So I'm going to pick up my new AP tomorrow morning. Please please please keep your fingers crossed she's as nice as she seems..

How is everyone else getting on...?
Mrs R?

Weegle? (btw R and N have been talking which is good)

Marmaduke...? How are you? ok?

Simply?

Will report back asap.. xx

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imananny · 19/04/2008 14:59

hope she works out,and also hope she speaks basic english

where is she from?

Original poster
ingles2 · 19/04/2008 15:22

Hi imananny...
She's coming from another family, she's been there 9 months so her English is pretty good...
Germany originally,
she's just texted to say she's sooo excited (in her words)
bless!

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Original poster
ingles2 · 19/04/2008 15:43

.

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laura032004 · 19/04/2008 16:50

Good luck

Ours is leaving in June, bit and a bit No doubt we'll miss her, and I'll certainly miss the help with the housework, but I'll enjoy having my house to myself again.

imananny · 19/04/2008 18:15

least she can speak english and text it

sure all will be fine, esp if coming from from another family- assume you have spoken to the family she is leaving/check ref etc?

Original poster
ingles2 · 19/04/2008 20:52

I haven't actually ...I spoken to her family and I'm trusting my instinct on this one. After all nothing can be worse then the last AP and she had refs coming out of her ears

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Original poster
ingles2 · 19/04/2008 20:53

Are you not getting another Laura?

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laura032004 · 19/04/2008 22:13

I'm not sure yet. I think I need to see what life is like by myself for a bit, and weigh up if the pro's of an ap outweigh the con's. DS1 starts school in September, so hopefully that will make things easier, and I might even try DS2 in nursery or pre-school (he'll be 2yrs 2mths then, but is still v.clingy atm).

We've only got a 3-bed house, so it's a big commitment space wise. I don't need any childcare, so I don't have to have an ap, but my DH works away a lot, and may be away for the next 6 months without a break, so I'd like some back-up. However, there seem to be a lot of ap's around here, so I'm hoping I can recruit one of those to do a few hours for me. I only really need help with the housework, but it's a bit more tidying than I feel I could ask a cleaner to do.

Simply · 19/04/2008 22:38

ingles2 Good luck for tomorrow! Thanks for asking, we're okay. Our ap is going home in 3 mths and I'm looking forward to having the house to ourselves again until Sept at least. I'm waiting to see what GCSE options ds chooses this term and also whether dd chooses a second foreign language or not. That'll decide for me whether I want a French or German or, if possible, both French and German speaker. Then I'll look at those who have expressed an interest in us and decide if we really want another live-in ap. I'm thinking of advertising for an ap share locally. Either that or I'll go back to having a cleaner once (or maybe twice) a week. It's still much cheaper than an ap, though I'd have to do or outsource the ironing and it would leave me without childcare should either of them feel unwell enough for school on a day I'm due to work. Hey ho.

blueshoes · 19/04/2008 22:46

Wishing you all the best with your new aupair, ingles2. I have a German aupair as well, and she is fab. She was as nice as she seemed before I met her.

Simply · 20/04/2008 15:03

blueshoes It's a long shot but if you don't need your ap at any time but it's too early for her to go home, could you give me a shout, please? I'm glad you've got an ap you're really happy with. It is stories like that which make me feel it's worth doing it again.

Simply · 20/04/2008 15:05

Ooops, I forgot to say that I hope it's going well for you so far "ingles2".

Original poster
ingles2 · 20/04/2008 20:05

Thanks guys
,..Well overall she seems lovely. And seems to really like it here too. She is actually really pleased to be in the middle of nowhere! Her parents live in the country and stable horses so all of this is nothing new.
The only thing is that she made a racist comment. She was talking about London and used the P word in a derogatory
way. Dh and I didn't say anything at the time, but I could feel him tense if you know what I mean.
We are very anti racism...I guess I'll have to say something if she says it again. Hope she doesn't...

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marmadukescarlet · 21/04/2008 09:17

Hi ingles

Great that you have one, I bet you are relieved.

Not so great about the P word. May just be a cultural/language thing? Perhaps she doesn't realise it is unacceptable due to youth? Perhaps her English isn't as good as it seems and she just didn't know an alternative?

I hope she settles well and the childens lover her.

I am no further on and am horrified by poor Weegle's (I hope I've remembered correctly) tale of woe, sounds exactly like my old French AP Is she near us/local?

Original poster
ingles2 · 21/04/2008 10:33

Hi Marmaduke
How are you and dc's?
Got the chickens yet?
She's doing ok,...1st morning, her cleanings a bit dodgy but I'll soon sort that out.... wicked

Weegle is very near you..west of TW..starts with E.
Don't know how I can help, but would like to

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MrsRecycle · 21/04/2008 12:03

just back from hols - catching up. AP is wonderful - had a dodgy start last week, was ill and couldn't come away with us until later on in the week. I thought oh no here we go again. But she did turn up and made up for it.

It's wonderful to have someone who just does things without even asking. She's a brilliant cook, her english isn't great but she's learning and going to classes. dh isn't too clean on her housekeeping standards but I don't think she's too bad (gosh did I really say that!!). Today was a mad rush for school and she even got up early to help out. old AP would just have a lie-in and not help out.

Re the racist comment, not too good but she might have been used to it from her previous family. If her English isn't too good, it wouldn't surprise me.

Off to catch up on Weegle's happenings...

Original poster
ingles2 · 21/04/2008 12:50

Hi Mrs R... Did you have a good holiday?
Great news about your AP....
Funnily enough dh thought it was something she picked up at old house, but tbh, quitea lot of the AP's I've had have been racist.
Her cleaning is pretty dreadful! Asked her to hoover and mop downstairs floors, pushed hoover for all of 5 secs and then left floor patchy and swimming in water! How do I approach that then?

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MrsRecycle · 21/04/2008 13:07

Oh I did ingles - once the AP arrived and helped out - a bit stressful before then. But there were plenty of babysitters on hand to help out with ds (he loved the attention). And dds were pretty self-sufficient and went off swimming most days.

My AP used to live in a Asian family, before she came to us. She certainly isn't racist - had lovely things to say about them.

Oh dear, she may be thinking that these are not part of her duties. Some APs do think that they are a Nanny. Could you ask her what cleaning duties she used to do in her old family? Can you do a 2 week trial and see what her strengths/weaknesses are at the end and rearrange her schedule accordingly - if everything else is ok (gets on with LOs)? We ended up doing this with exAP who didn't like DDs, so we rearranged her schedule so that she didn't have to deal with them. Not ideal but the best of a bad situation and at least we were gettting something out of her.

Original poster
ingles2 · 21/04/2008 13:25

Mrs R...I did explain to her that this job was going to be very different from the last... no mother there so she took on that role and she said she did everything. I told her I wanted her to do the cleaning to free up my time so I could spend it with the dc's. I guess I'll see how she goes in the next couple of days and talk to her at the end of the week.

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blueshoes · 21/04/2008 13:44

Simply, current aupair's plans are to stay until end July and then back home to Germany to continue her studies. But I will let you know if I have a sudden change of plans.

Ingles2, glad that overall she seems lovely. Her efforts on the housework front sound a bit dire. Could you find out what cleaning, if any, she did at her previous family - ideally from the previous family. Maybe because there was no mother in her previous family, standards on the housework front were laxer? Do you have the time and patience to show her how to do it? I would lose the will to live if I had to spend more than 2 weeks showing her the ins-and-outs of cleaning. Question is whether she can be trained to improve, which depends on her personal qualities. Cleaning is hardly rocket science, just needs a common sense attitude.

For me, I have worked out that the crucial things I need aupair to do are schoolrun, childcare and then cleaning, in that order of importance. If she cannot do schoolrun, then will be out on her arse. If she cannot do childcare, it would depend on how bad. Maybe I can live without babysitting if she is good at housework. Housework is the most optional of the 3. If she cannot do housework, then I'll see if she can be re-tooled to do cooking (I generally don't expect cooking from aupairs). If not, then maybe consider cutting her hours and pocket money or pad it up with more childcare and get a weekly cleaner.

Having said that, I do wonder about how someone can consider 5 seconds of pushing a hoover and leaving puddles of water on the floor to be cleaning.

Weegle · 21/04/2008 13:56

Ingles - our last AP started off a bit iffy with housework. I said "right I will show you how I like each job done" and literally made her watch me hoover explaining "lift up the sofa cushions, move this chair" etc. And then she was brilliant at it from then on. She also left the floor swimming in water the first time she used the mop, but again I showed her. At least she was upfront and said she didn't have a clue about housework but was willing to learn. I miss her! But it really helped showing her how to clean to my standards!

Hope she works out ok - have you told her about N?!

Original poster
ingles2 · 21/04/2008 14:26

This is going to sound snobbish but it's really not meant to.. the standards in her last house were really lax... I was quite shocked when I picked her up. TBH I'm pretty anal though so I guess I'm going to have to find a middle ground. I showed her this morning and then left her to it. I think I'll remind her in the morning and then see what it's like. She's just gone for her first drive with dh! they both looked petrified as she pulled out of the drive... Thats' always our most important thing. She seemed ok (ish) though.
I told her about N Weegle, she was really surprised, said N had sent an email saying how happy she was... If only she'd realised you weren't

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Weegle · 21/04/2008 17:45

That's what so weird Ingles - she said that to us, and to our old AP, and now R - yet I swear, hand on heart, I have not seen the girl smile or make a positive comment since she arrived. Weirdy weird.

marmadukescarlet · 21/04/2008 18:24

Weegle, my ex AP hardly smiled at all, when we had our 2 week meeting she told me she was very happy. I pointed out that she was miserable solemn and she countered with, 'I'm just not a very smily person.' (Personally I think she had mental health problems, but I digress...) So perhaps she is just a very serious person?

Simply · 21/04/2008 18:53

blueshoes That sounds great, thanks. I know it's a long shot. It's interesting that you don't expect cooking from an ap as I didn't expect it, either, but food prep is an important part of the job and I knew that I'd be away with work for nearly a week this month so all the cooking would be down to ap, ds, dd and dh. I taught the ap food prep from the beginning but I don't think you can get someone to understand timings if they aren't that way minded, unfortunately. Dh and ap are culprits of this. Even if they are the first to complain if something is a little over/under cooked i.e. broccoli - ap not dh, he wouldn't dare! Of all of them, ds is best followed by dd but they survived even if I did have to throw away stuff from the fridge when I returned which I'd bought specially. I guess I should've left them a menu plan but they're old enough to work things out for themselves, surely!

ingles2 If your standards are pretty high then Weegles' "I'll show you how I do it" tip is a good one. I think it's easiest to tell someone the first time they do something you don't want them to but you're much more experienced than me with aps. Our ap is touchy about certain nationalities due to historical tensions mostly. Maybe that's why she doesn't go out socialising as we have lots of young people from nationalities she wouldn't expect to get on with living locally?

I hope today has been okay for you, Weegle.

Sorry if this sounds really disjointed. I slept very badly last night and then had a coach and horses driven through my working day due to needing to leave work early, so I don't know where I am atm!

I'm finding these ap threads really useful and supportive. Thanks all!