What are the pros and cons of live in and live out nannies?

[susie100]

Hi all,
I am going back to work 4 days a week in 2 months and have one baby dd.
We have definitely decided a nanny is the childcare we feel most comfortable with but need to decide on live in versus live out.

What be grateful for any experiences and suggestions. Benefits of live in - more convenient in the morning as nanny is on site and we don't have to worry about public transport (we are the northern line unfortunately) and there seems to be more flex on things like babysitting. Also seems to cost a lot less?

However - is someone living at home going to be weird? What happens in the evenings/weekends? I would prefer to have time just with DD and DH but don't want a nanny to feel she can't hang out in her own home. What happens about things like boyfriends, coming back late in the evenings etc? Also would some more experienced nannies be put off by live in positions?

Thanks again for advice, sorry I am rather clueless about all this!

I have a live-in in not only because it is cheaper (and cost is very important to my itty bitty budget), but also because it is the only way I can really get to know the person who looks after my children for most of their waking hours. If I had a live out she would leave when I got home and I would leave when she arrived so there would be little opportunity for casual chats in the kitchen and such. But, with a live-in, I see her when she is heading out Saturday morning or if she is just hanging out on Sunday afternoon.

If she has a reasonably comfortable room she will probably choose to spend much of her free time there rather than downstairs with you.

The downside is that we might want the kitchen at the same time to cook two separate dionners on Saturday night. But, that's no big deal.

Also, she starts work at 6:30am and that is awfully early for a live-out to have to get up and commute to my door. As a live-in she can just throw something on and get breakfast for the kids, then finish getting ready while they eat and be ready to go when it's time to leave for school (7:30ish).

Oh, and my DH travels for work so I sort of like haveing some adult conversation in the evening.

That is really helpful thank you - I can imagine it being a lot more relaxed in the mornings!

There does seem to be a big cost difference as well. What happens about having her friends over etc?

Good point about getting to know her as well - she will have whole top floor with her own TV and little sitting area so not bad to hang out in.

We have a live-out. It's nice to be able to have family time at the weekend, not be woken up or worry about the baby waking someone else up on lazy days. Conversely, it's nice to not have to worry about being woken up on Friday/Saturday nights when nanny feels like having a late night and comes in during the wee hours of the morning. Also DH likes to walk around in his pants in the morning while getting breakfast, etc. and don't think our nanny would appreciate that sight!

I guess monetarily it would be cheaper to have a live-in, but you also don't have someone eating lots more food, using water, electricity, etc. It was never really a thought for us to have a live-in, plus we would feel awkward if she had someone (a boyfriend/girlfriend for example) over and they emerged in the morning...I understand my nanny needs to have a social life too, and what she does on her own time is in my opinion, HER business. As far as getting to know her - I feel like since I trust her with my child I should trust her to make wise personal decisions.

We manage to find plenty of time for kitchen table chats, as she hasn't ever been late and usually arrives 10 minutes early, and is never one to quickly rush off the minute I get in the house. She commutes an hour each day from West London to our house in Chelsea, and yes public transport can be a nightmare, but it hasn't affected her work performance. Hope to have helped!!

Oh, Chelsea, sounds like it is going well. That's great. I remember when you were hiring.

I guess whether you get to know the nanny maybe depends on the handover time. I'm usually running out the door in a whilwind in the morning and walk in the door exactly at quitting time. So not much handover time for us. And her day is pretty long so I totally appreciate she wants to go up to her room or sign onto the computer when her work day finishes.

I have a live out nanny - DH and I are quite private people and for us the "having someone around" issue was something we personally did not feel comfortable with. we can afford live out, and perhaps more relevantly, we live in an area where nannies also can afford to live and so there are no significant commuting issues (last nanny lived a 10 minute walk away, this one lives a 10 minute drive away).

Re handover, when my nanny changed 2 years ago, I deliberately changed the hours to enable a more relaxed start and finish. Previous nanny had been 8am to 7pm, this one is 7.45am to 7.15pm. it works well all round, because we still get home at about the same time, but there is no clock-watching. Similarly in the mornings we are not all frantically rushing around and there is an extra pair of hands in that killer 15 mins when you are all trying to get out of the door.

My top tip, therefore, if you can afford it is to build in very slightly longer hours than you need. You get some good chatting time, mornings and evenings are less hassled and by letting the nannny go on the early side, you build up "credit" for the odd evenings when everything goes pear-shaped.

I was a live-in nanny for a couple of years and quite enjoyed it (though enjoy having my own place now!). It is nice to kind of feel part of the family and really get to know the parents as well as the children - I live out now and see one or other of the parents for about 10 minutes a day.

I think live-in worked well for me because I'm quite independent and sociable - I had lots of friends who I saw at weekends, I'd often go out on a Friday night and not be back til Saturday afternoon, and then be out all day Sunday etc. When I was at home I'd mainly hang out in my room anyway since I had TV/DVD/internet there. I never really had friends round except a couple of nanny friends the family had met too - never, ever brought boyfriends back! The only person who ever stayed over was my sister (with permission from the parents in advance).

Both parties have to respect each other's privacy ime - I never hung around in the evenings watching TV with the parents. Parents also have to make sure children are fully briefed about not going into nanny's room when she's having a Sunday lie-in, always knocking first etc. And just because the nanny is mooching about at home at the weekend does not mean she is on call! Being asked to just watch the kids for half an hour while the parent nipped to the supermarket really drove me crazy because refusing would have seemed really petty.

Thanks for all your input - really interesting to hear about it from a nanny's point of view especially the 'off duty' part and thanks for the tip on handover Anchovy.

My DH also likes roaming around in his pants (or less!) and sings a lot of Elvis in the shower....not sure we could subject poor nanny to that.

Do you think it would be acceptable to advertise for either live in or out? It really is about finding someone I, DH and DD are completely comfortable with and I don't want to exclude anyone either way. I think we could be flexible for the right person.

Hi susie 100..we have a live in but have a sep annexe. It can be useful as others have said for early starts but it does make life difficult if the relationship breaks down at all..........see my other thread!

Have seen lots of jobs advertised as livein/out so that would be fine.

I've had both and am fairly indifferent but I am lucky because like MP I also have an annexe (has proven very useful in the past when I have seen some right old characters slope off down the side of the garden after a night of 'entertainment'). saying that I had an AP who lived in the main house once and she was a delight (hell, even her boyfriend was one you'd approve of). I do remember though thinking that if I saw another episode of Extreme Makeover I would spontaneously combust...

It is far far better to get the very best nanny you can than to worry about this I think - once you find a good nanny then you can work with either arrangement I think. So I would go ahead with advertising for both and concentrate on that. If you do get a live-in make sure you set out all the house rules upfront, before offering the job...

BTW, when I had one young child I was very comfortable with havign a nursery/AP combo. Worth considering if you don't find any good nanny candidates

Thanks for all your advice - I will advertise for both and see who turns up! I would feel more comfortable leaving DD with a nanny at home rather than in nursery though (I really don't know why, just a gut instinct!)

Thanks for all the tips (very funny about the dodgy types sloping around your garden!)