Another nursery vs childminder thread - I really need some guidance

[Liverpoolgirl50]

DD (turning 2 next week) has been going to nursery since she was 9 months old. The transition was hard, she’s never LOVED it but got on okay there. She usually has a fairly ‘ok’ day but can be unsettled/definitely has favourite people etc. She doesn’t thrive in loud, noisy environments and takes a little while to come out of her shell but at the time, with our jobs, nursery was the best option for us. It’s not getting better, if anything it’s getting harder and I had a phone call today to say she was really upset and could I come get her.

I’m now in a position where I WFH permanently so it’s less worrying if I have to dash off and pick her up if she’s sick/childminder is sick etc. I have visited a local childminder and she’s lovely. DD went off to play quite happily whilst we chatted and didn’t actually want to leave! Although appreciate if I left her there it may be different.

I just am very nervous. Her ofsted is good (DD’s nursery has just been dropped to inadequate but that’s another thread!) But how can I be sure she’s safe and looked after there? In a nursery setting there’s never just one person solely responsible. I think since seeing the baby who was shaken by a cm on the news it’s thrown me.

WWYD? I feel like DD would be happier with a childminder, and maybe we could try a nursery again in a years time when she’s a bit older. I just don’t want this to be a transition into another setting that makes her separation anxiety even worse.

Sorry I should add it’s only 2 days a week, the other days she’s with me/in laws/DH

How can you be sure she's safe in the nursery? You saw the case of the childminder who shook the baby, did you see the nursery worker who tied a baby to a beanbag and suffocated her or the one where the baby choked to death on inappropriate food?

I'd use the childminder. I can't see why you wouldn't.

A good childminder v an inadequate nursery.
You've tried nursery and it doesn't suit her.
I can't think of any reason to stick with the nursery tbh.

I chose a childminder for DD as then she has a constant caregiver. DD created a lovely bond with her childminder and still talks about her now and she's not been with her for nearly 3 years.
She's loved nursery too but she was older when she started.

You’re right @NuffSaidSam - in my head it’s just harder for those things to occur in a nursery setting with more staff around.

I think I tried to persevere with the nursery as I thought it would better prepare her for the transition into school, but maybe she just isn’t ready for that yet.

The 'transition to school' thing makes me so sad. It's very common, but I don't know where it's come from. A nine month old baby doesn't need to prepared for school, neither does a two year old. No child needs to be sent somewhere they don't like for years prior to school so they're 'ready'. They'll age into being ready for school.

I'd definitely choose a good childminder over an inadequate nursery where your child is miserable!

Best thing we ever did was move ds2 to a cm from nursery. He hated nursery and never settled in whereas he loves his cm and his group of little buddies there. Most days she has around 7 children so he gets a nice little group rather than the completely overwhelming 22 babies that were in his baby room at the nursery.
Leaving him be until he starts school next September now, no point upsetting the apple cart trying another nursery/preschool for a year when he's happy with the cm.

If you have any doubts about your nursery, and it's just been graded as inadequate, I'd take the childminder place now before someone else does. It also counts like the best place for your DD.

A good childminder 100%, one of my DDs the 1st went to nursery, the second hated it. I found an amazing CM and she loved it we went from crying couldn’t go to nursery to not once crying and would happily go every day if she could. Best decision I ever made, listen to your child they will tell you in their behaviour if they are happy or not. I kept my CM for 9.yrs in the end as she could do wrap around school care and holiday times she truely was one in a million.,

Is the CM registered?
can you contact other parents who have used them?
if they are experienced and established then I would go for it?
is it just one person? How many kids?

I sent my child to a childminders. She had 2 staff and 6-8 kids. My children loved it and it was a home setting. She took them out every day too. It was a structure and a feel that resembled their family life. They loved it and so did I.
I think it says something that your child is still not happy at the nursery. And the inadequate thing is worrying!

I think you should swop to the childminder. She seemed happy there and you would know on pick up if something was terribly wrong. It's a home from home environment with a mummy I think that's a far nicer set up than a nursery where they have so many they just become a nuisance to the staff !!! Of course there are no guarantees with anywhere but I would definitely prefer mine to be with a childminder and if she seemed lovely just go with it.

Swap to the childminder definitely. I would have preferred my daughter to go to a childminder but none in our area were good enough.

Always go with your gut with childcare.

It definitely sounds like the right option to move her.

Pros of childminder:
DD liked the setting
Can form a closer bond with 1 caregiver
Calmer environment suits your DD better
? 'Better' than downgraded nursery

Pros of nursery;
Familiar
Feels less risky as more staff
School will be more like this - as PP said, I wouldn't worry about this now. She's better feeling secure and happy to give her the confidence to explore situations later

It sounds like the childminder is fairly unknown but a risk worth taking considering she is not that settled and you can cope with occasional childminder illness etc.

Thank you everyone, it is what my gut is telling me to do. I’ve messaged some of the mums that use her to ask for their feedback which I think will reassure me a bit more.

Preparation for school - what better preparation than a childminder who takes the child on the school run regularly where they can meet other children who will almost certainly attend in the playground, see their future teachers on duty, and really look forward to their proud moment as one of the "Big Children" when the time comes?

I found the main issue with CMs is things like their holidays/illness. But if that’s not a deal breaker for you, I’d make the change.
Also DD is 2, if she is unhappy there she will let you know.

I think she would do better in a CM setting for the time being, but I also think a pre-school would be good for her a year down the line, or perhaps she could even do a split between both nearer the time.

Yes, that's right.

Actually seeing the teachers dealing in every day terms with the children in their class. Reassured by the familiar routine of seeing older children they already know going into school and coming out at the end of the day. Playing and talking with the other children while we wait for the bell. Recognising the Reception teachers and speculating whose class they will go in.
It's a gradual transition over many months.

Compare it to the nursery child, who will meet the teacher for a few sessions (if they're lucky!) a few months before they arrive in the classroom.

I've never had a child who had problems settling into Reception. They were all very familiar with the school, the school run and they couldn't wait for their turn.

Have you seen the other children that the cm has? If there is a warm friendly relationship that's a good indicator. Is the cm happy to chat and do settling at your baby's pace?
I'm a nursery things are behind closed doors and staff worry about their jobs so it's no guarantee.

My mindees know the teachers they even run up to the head saying hello and telling her they are coming to her school. They know the classroom and talk about playing in that playground next year....mine don't go to nursery but straight to reception....they have been in to use the toilets. They know the school children that attend....and other childminders children..they have been to fetes, plays and fun days, open afternoons to see others work.

We’ve made the decision to move her and I’ve just sent the email to nursery, eek. Went for a second visit to the cm today and we were happy and DD was so happy and comfortable there, I hope it continues. Thanks for all your advice.