how are mothers coping ??

[tommytippee]

FTM to a 20 month old ds and im just exhausted. each day im just surviving and my back is broken
DS is a lovely toddler, playful happy engaging but doesn’t eat well which is the biggest challenge with him
but i just feel like i have no energy??? my whole day so ensuring he survives
how do other mums do it
i see other mums with another baby at this stage and im jsut like how?! i barely even have time to make one. the housework the cooking the cleaning i just cannot and i also work on top of that and have no family near me
i work 3-4 days a week and some weekends
i jsur wish i had more energy to look after him
my DH is really helpful with the toddler

I have a 2 & 3 year old with an 11 month age gap. It’s very tiring and there’s times where I feel as if we’ve just made it through the day. I don’t have any advice or secrets tactics, I’m just here to say that you’re definitely not alone

I often have the same thought about how others cope with more than one. I just couldn't imagine even expecting another baby at this point. i think I'd probably go doolally. Mine isn't even walking properly yet, but he's in everything and you cannot sit for one minute without him being in or touching something he shouldn't.
Had shit sleep for over a year now, so that probably doesn't help with the positivity. Some people i guess just have more energy and can cope better than others or maybe their children are a bit more sedate.

Yeah it's exhausting. I didn't feel like myself in truth.

You've said your DH is helpful, which is great, but is he pulling his weight with the hard stuff (especially night wakenings if you still have those), cooking and cleaning? Does he get more downtime than you?

Hang on in there, it will get easier.

I have 3DS (including a set of twins). 3yo and 1yo so there were 3 under 3 for 6 months.

DH and I both work full time, he is on site and I am hybrid. 3yo at preschool full time. Twins at childminders 3days a week and home with me 2days during my Wfh days.

I don't find life too hectic. so I want to try and help here as much as I can.

Our house is a divide and conquer approach.

I'm in charge of all cooking. DH is in charge of all cleaning. I usually focus on the twins, DH focuses on the toddler. So we have our (very loosely) allocated children for putting down for naps, food, clothes, getting out of the house, wakings etc.

Strict nap routines mean all DCs are in their own beds by 7pm latest every night. So DH and I spend 3 hours a night doing our own thing - TV, video games, scrolling etc. 7.30am wake up usually. Twins still wake up a couple of times at night for bottles /changing.

Food is delivered. All batch cooked. Buy food which is pre-cut saves a lot of time. We also have a chest freezer in the garage with pre made meals ready to go for any busier days.

DH does quick mini cleans throughout the day eg cleans the sink whilst brushing his teeth in the mornings. Admittedly there isn't much of a deep clean that happens at all, but the house generally is of a decent standard.

3yo is in charge of tidying up toys before bed, so we are never left with a bombsite at the end of the day.

What in particular are you finding difficult OP? I'd love to give some suggestions for how we do it.

That’s my least favourite age (so far, my eldest is 7) and definitely the reason I have a 3.5 year age gap as just couldn’t contemplate it whilst they were in that phase. I have no advice, just sympathy and a promise it does improve!!

Yeah, we have this gap too. I'm pregnant with our third and last now and there will be a pretty much bang on 3 yr gap again. I couldn't have coped with smaller gaps personally. Perhaps it would have been different if we had a lot of support from family etc as some people have but we don't sadly.

I find working less hours for me and DH does make things easier and more enjoyable/less exhausting too. I worked 4 days a week and DH FT after no.1's mat leave. After no.2's mat leave I went back 3 days a week and 6 months later DH went down to 4 days a week and that has been even better for us all.

Get your Vit D, B12, iron and thyroid checked.

I have 2,4&5 yo and I am exhausted. I’m also 46 and am a full time lawyer. I hate that whenever someone says to me, how are you, I answer, I’m tired. Husband works away a lot including weekends and we have no family support.

how am I? I’m tired.

It’s hard. Make sure you get a break sometimes. Hang on in there.

Just to say you're not alone or doing anything wrong. It is HARD with little ones that age and that is a particularly tricky age! They want to do everything but you can't leave them alone to do much... I've got 2.5 year old twins and I feel similarly sometimes, what am I doing wrong, do other people have it all together?? How do I take so long to reply to messages or get basic things done etc... because I'm bloody exhausted... we've just had worms and now another illness... these toddler years aren't easy and you aren't alone!

I think it's incredibly hard.

My kids are at an age where I'm starting to find it a bit easier....but those early days were tough.

I think three things make a huge difference: having kids that sleep (mine didn't, and it almost broke me); having kids who are easy going and not too clingy (mine were very clingy, impossible to get anything done); family support (again, I didn't have any, and it makes things hard on every level).

People that have all 3 of those have hit the jackpot, in my opinion.

Don't compare yourself to those types. There's no point.

Gosh, hats of to you, 3 children, working full time and doing it mostly on your own
i honestly shouldn’t even complain

yeah i don’t feel like myself either
it’s something comforting to know that we’re all in this together, all mothers no matter wh where in the country
in the default parent so housework and cooking is mostly me, DH helps with the night wakenings and does help with cleaning/laundry when asked
this week me and ds have been terribly ill so dh has been doing most of the cleaning and cooking

wow
that is so impressive
do you get all the food delivered? like from a meal prep company
i have thought about this but never found somewhere suitable enough

I personally don't think it's too impressive, but I have never been one to sweat the small stuff. I make life as easy for myself as possible. Little things like washing all socks in a small wash bag so that I'm not trying to find odds.

Im not worried about "did I play with them enough today" or other things I have seen on here. There is an element of boredom at home, which is a good thing.

I also couldn't care less that my twins are in their onesies all day, rather than changed into a "cute outfit". Because it's just another thing to do. After I saw a twin sucking on a slipper, I also gave up sterilising bottles because I know they have eaten a million germs in the last 5 minutes.

For food, I have a regular tesco shop delivery. Everything diced /chopped/frozen before it comes to me, so literally all I do is cook it.

Please ask all the questions you want, happy to help but honestly, my biggest advice, don't sweat the small stuff ❤️