Behaviour question

[chickenmama]

I'm currently minding a 4yr old boy. I also have an almost 2yr old dd. The little boy can be quite difficult but manageable. It's his behaviour towards my dd that is concerning me a bit. He seems to enjoy upsetting her, he's always calling her naughty, telling her to go away, to stop saying something etc. He takes toys off her and hides them, pushes her over and gets in her way if she wants to go somewhere. I'm finding I have to take her with me if I leave the room as more often than not he manages to make her cry if I leave them alone together for even a few seconds.

Does anyone have any advice or suggestions for me? I have mentioned it to mum and I know she has spoken to him about it but there hasn't been any improvement yet. How much of this type of behavior should I put up with? I don't want to get in a position where I don't enjoy looking after this child so I'd like to put something into place that might help improve his interactions with my dd.

Is he at your's a lot? I agree you want to nip this in te bud before your or your dd begin to dread him being there.

How about doing a few little things that will hopeully as a package make an impact. You could ...

model / encourage kindness - whenever any child does something kind make a big fuss of it, really labour how nice it is to be a good friend etc

give the mindee opportunites to be kind so he can be praised too (passing a building block or crayon)

give them a task to do when you leave the room set them apart if possible

Do you do time out in general when he is difficult?

He's here every morning, and is the only child I mind so it's just him and her. I have been spending a lot of time concentrating on lots of the things you mentioned but he still takes every opportunity to upset my dd. I have had to use time out a couple of times recently, though I'm really not a fan of it. I was wondering if a reward system where he gets a point for each time he's kind to my dd might be a way forward. I'd just like to get it so he's not teasing her and saying unkind things almost the whole time he's here!

i think some combinations of children work well and others don't. This combination doesn't (whether because of their personalities/ ages / genders - I don't know). My dd went to a cm two days a week, on both days the CM had didn't combinations of children. My dd loved going there on a monday (because another girl was there) but hated going on a wednesday (because a particular boy was there). The wednesdays just didn't work, so I swapped the day and everything was ok again.. it is obviously difficult for you to do this as one of the chidlren is your dd but IMO you should think about letting this boy go.. It sounds like he would prefer to play with an older child.. four year olds often find two year olds a pain! He may well be bored and is displaying this with aggression at your daughter.. it's not fair on him, your dd, or you. Speak to the mum about moving her son to another CM that has older children/ boys. She may be thinking this already, i know I would be...

different combinations of children.. not didn't..

Well we had a breakthrough today. I sat him down and explained a simple reward chart I had made and it worked a treat! He was good as gold and on the couple of occasions my dd got a bit too close I could see him start to say something, think about it and stop! Amazing

Glad you had a good day chickenmama.