Concerns mounting over grandchildren

[veryconcernedgran]

Very very concerned about my grandchildren who have additional needs . I have tried to get support and have expressed my concerns to appropriate agencies , but Mum appears to pull the wool over their eyes .

Amazed no one has picked up on a vast array of concerns including appalling hygiene ( both personal and domestic ) , lack of medical care , poor MH of Mum . Children I would describe as unskilled / untaught in basic hygiene , not a judgement , I have them for 24 hour periods and try and Instill good personal habits .

I am increasingly worried , love them dearly and only want what’s best for them , first time poster using as sounding board , will read with interest your responses , thank you

What are their additional needs? And can you give us examples of the lack of care and hygiene?

What happens when you discuss it with your child (which parent is your child?)

What age are the children?

Have you had this discussion with their main carer? Assuming this is your daughter? What additional needs do the children have? Are there sensory issues in relation to teeth, washing? You mentioned MH issues with their main carer, how is this being managed?

What's the father's role?

have tried to get support and have expressed my concerns to appropriate agencies , but Mum appears to pull the wool over their eyes .

So you have reported your DIL to SS and they don't have any concerns?

What category of medical care do you think is lacking - were they not taken to A&E for a week over what turned out to be a broken leg, or do they not get a particular type of therapy you have read about, or did they have nits when they came round once? etc

Trying not to be identified hence caution in what I have said . Children are neurodivergent so yes there are some issues related to this . No cleaning of teeth , no regular bathing , 1 had such a bad infection I rang school and asked what they thought , continence a further issue . Yes I did ring SS and asked for additional support for family , I have them overnight and am physically exhausted after this , so take on board how difficult it must be .

To add coming at this not only as a Gran but also as someone with a background in the care sector

Is dad in the picture?

What have school and social services said when you've reported your concerns?

How do a) the children and b) Mum react to the "trying to instill good personal habits"?

Whilst obviously everyone needs generally clean teeth, bodies and bums for comfort and health, my answers/support to the specific question depends on if this is

• support/encouragement to do these tasks at yours whilst you continue to fit into their existing routines and parenting philosophies around supporting their neurodivergence and help to educate the children about these useful life skills, or if it is
• authoritarian/shaming/done in a way that contradicts the way things are deliberately set up in other areas of their life.

From your first post there is nothing to indicate which it might be (other than that you have previously called social services on them).

If the ND includes autism, could I signpost that you might also get good advice about such questions on the Facegroup group "Ask Autistic Adults - Resource for Parents of Autistics".

If they are diagnosed she must of had engagement with health visitor and paediatricians etc as well as regular check ups. If there are strong hygiene /neglect issues these will be noticed by them also. Has social services seen the conditions in which they live or brushed it off with conversation with the mother. Social services do seem to have a pretty low bar of what they consider appropriate living conditions. I'm glad they have you. I don't know where you would turn in these situations but I'm a parent of 3 with additional needs keep trying to advocate for them they need you xx

Would never use any authoritative means , always a gentle coaxing . Have applied different methods ie setting up a paddling pool indoors to make it fun.
SS were told by teacher that he had needier pupils under his tutelage . As someone said the bar must be very low .

Are the parents living together and both looking after the children or are you the mother in law of the mother of the children?