settling in going less well

[littlefrog]

DS is nearly a year old. He's been having a day a week with his grandma since the end of January, which has gone well - no real crying, just a bit watchful and sometimes a bit unsettled around sleep times. He started having a day a week with a lovely childminder in March. Seemed to be going ok, he had two good whole days with her (slept well, played happily), but last week he was really quite unsettled with her (wanted lots of holding), and when DH dropped him off today, he apparently burst into tears at the sight of the minder and was desperate to stay with his daddy.
I know this is 'normal', and I'm sure the minder is really sweet and nice with him (he's her only daytime mindee, so he'll get lots and lots of attention), but what can we do to make it easier for him? He's not the most sociable of babies, he's more of a watcher than a do-er, and he finds big groups of children quite hard sometimes (he's not crawling, and they tend to knock him over, which terrifies him)
please, i need reassurance (and good advice!), I'm here at work feeling terrible!

Just keep going. One day a week is bound to take much longer. I have had a mindee for 18 months now, but she only comes 2 days a week. Usually, my fulltimers take a couple of weeks, tops to get settled. This one took much longer. Horrid for mum, but you just have to keep going and know that the minute either you or dh have disappeared, he's fine. I can promise you that! My mindee now bowls in here and almost pushes mummy out the door, that's if she remembers she's still there!

Is it usually you that does the dropping off? If so, he was probably playing up to daddy, which I have also seen lots!

Thank you Maureen. He's going to be going 2 days from now on (2 days with minder, 1 day with grandma). If somebody said to me that actually he'd settle faster and be much happier if he did more days to start with, then we could think about that, I guess.
I don't think it was to do with it being daddy dropping off - we've taken it in turns. I may have messed up last time, actually, as she met us when we were out in the pushchair, and although I did say goodbye etc., he may not have realised I was going till I'd gone, so felt he'd been abandoned...
On that, actually, she's sometimes come to collect him, and sometimes he's been dropped off - would it help him if we were totally consistent about this for a while? And if so, which way round is better, do you think? (dropping off/being picked up)

littlefrog, I would say IME it's best for the child to follow the same routine until settled in well. So yes, drop off at CM (drop and run can sometimes be the best option, LO is at prime age for seperation anxieties anyway) every time for perhaps two or three weeks.

Good luck

Definately do one or the other, until he's old enough to understand. I don't think it really makes a huge difference which you do, as long as you always do the same. I suppose taking him to her would be slightly better, otherwise he may feel like he's being taken away from his home, rather than you taking him somewhere to play iyswim!

And it's normal for them to cry as you leave(although horrid for the parent), but an experienced CM has strategies for diverting atttention

HTH

A biscuit is usually very effective for forgetting who mummy is!

thank you for the suggestions, and comfort! Well, I went to find them this afternoon (I collect him from a local playcentre) and there they were, outside, DS bouncing away on the floor, not sure whether he was more excited by another child or a distant dog. V pleased to see me, but absolutely not desperate. Apparently after he'd had his nap he was happy as a sandboy. So, fingers crossed, he'll get less distressed each time (apparently toast worked well as a distraction...)