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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Childcare - feel sad for my toddler....

30 replies

lisalisa · 31/03/2008 21:52

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Miggsie · 31/03/2008 21:55

Thank Goodness you have recognised how dull his life currently is and that he is docile but it should not mean he is ignored.
He does need more activity and stimulation although he has probably developed independent play by now.
Perhaps a toddler group or at least a play friend? He will be missing the development of the interaction with his peer group. This can be caught up though as you have identified how tedious his days currently are.

WallOfSilence · 31/03/2008 21:56

Aww the wee pet.

I know a woman who looks after her grandson & she never lets him out of his playpen

I think you're doing the right thing getting a nanny.

If you just have one small child & the rest are school age, have you thought about a c/minder?

morningpaper · 31/03/2008 22:01

What about a nursery? I woud look for something ASAP

theyoungvisiter · 31/03/2008 22:07

why don't you put him into a nursery for a few hours every morning - perhaps from 9-12?

The nursery would REALLY wear him out (my toddler is always exhausted when he gets back). Then your MIL can put him to bed with a clear conscience knowing that he actually needs the rest.

It sounds as if he is a sociable little soul longing for more fun, so would probably thrive at nursery. I was very ambivalent about sending my DS to one (wanted a childminder but couldn't find a candidate I was happy with) but he absolutely adores it - I promise you I am not saying this to comfort you! In fact he had a tantrum last week because he wanted to go to nursery on the day I don't work.

blueshoes · 31/03/2008 22:21

hi lisalisa, it is only been since January. I agree with others to find a nursery or cm for him in the meantime, if possible. Otherwise it is only one more month.

Perhaps your new nanny/aupair can start asap, even before your MIL leaves.

What a sweet ds you have. Treasure him. I have to say that neither dd nor ds would have tolerated any of this lying down in bed business for even a second and would become very 'vocal'.

vInTaGeVioLeT · 31/03/2008 22:25

have you only just realised she lets him sleep for 4 hours in the day? if not then why on earth have you not told her this is not what you want for him? i don't think any lasting damage will have been done as it sounds like you all do fun things together when you're in charge - i'd suggest using a childminder - most c/m's will do a group in the morning - lunch - nap - school run - home play your ds would have children to play and lots of stimulation within a home enviroment.

Original poster

lisalisa · 31/03/2008 22:28

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Original poster

lisalisa · 31/03/2008 22:32

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Bubble99 · 31/03/2008 22:35

I reckon he'd love a morning session at a nursery.

vInTaGeVioLeT · 31/03/2008 22:36

well i'm biased but i vote for childminder
i think 3yrs is a good age to start pre-school - i thought i'd have problems with my ds starting pre-school as he's always been looked after by me or family but he loves it and barely gave us a backwards glance from the first session!!

goodluck

QuintessentialShadows · 31/03/2008 22:37

I think it is worth trying preschool. He sounds so sweet. He must be bored stiff poor love!

How does she get him to sleep that long? I would be a little suspicious.....

blueshoes · 31/03/2008 22:40

Hey lisalisa, it is only during the day that your ds is spending his time at home. He is getting proper stimulation after 4:30 on a weekday and on weekends. Like you said, it has only been for a month. You are doing great. I am sure your ds is fine.

I know you said your MIL is ill, but can she at least just allow to ds to potter around in the mornings in the living/playroom with his toys until a more natural naptime window. If your ds is so obliging as to lie in bed, I can't see him being much bother playing with his toys. Heck, even putting him in front of the telly is better than lying in bed. Hope it works out.

Original poster

lisalisa · 31/03/2008 22:44

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QuintessentialShadows · 31/03/2008 22:54

Not at all!
Mine went to preschool 5 days per week from 9.30 to 12.30 and absolutely loved it. He would have a packed lunch, sandwiches, fruit and youghurt after, and fall asleep on the way home, and then wake up to home time and his toys.

blueshoes · 31/03/2008 23:03

lisalisa, I know what you mean about a gentle child being sidelined in a busy environment like a nursery. My children have always been vocal - they weren't always the happy outgoing types, but they knew how to get attention from the carers if they needed it.

All I can say is that if your ds enjoyed playschool before, he is likely to enjoy it now. Don't underestimate him

theyoungvisiter · 31/03/2008 23:28

Don't forget that a nursery room for 2 year olds will be different to a proper pre-school - it sounds like you are imagining him in a pre-school environment but he will presumably be with other babies/toddlers of the same age who will also be only just verbal - the staff will be used to figuring out their needs and they have different staff/child ratios and much more cuddles etc. Probably lots of children at the nursery will still be having naps (and he could always come home and nap at home).

Why don't you go and do a drop in and see what you think?

Another thing to bear in mind, if you are planning on starting him there anyway in a few months time then it might be better to start early and give him continuity rather than chopping and changing between providers.

babbi · 01/04/2008 00:06

Of course he hasn`t had any damage by this little "variation" in his care !!!
It sounds to me like he has the most caring mother on earth, already picking up on his needs and acting on it.
He sounds a little treasure and is lucky to have a mummy like you ......
Give yourself a break .....

vInTaGeVioLeT · 01/04/2008 00:33

lisalisa - it's only been a few weeks of this routine - no harm done - what a lovely obliging little boy he sounds! i really don't think you should feel bad about this it's just a blip - you sound like a lovely caring mum

nappyaddict · 01/04/2008 00:41

i don't think there's anything wrong with pottering around at home. ds is 2 in june. he sleeps for about 3 hours a day sometimes 4. then he just potters around playing with his toys or i put paints/crayons etc out for him.
but if you are unhappy with it why not send him to a preschool?

crace · 01/04/2008 07:13

2.5 is fine for a couple days at preschool - most only start 2, 3 hour sessions as week anyway. It would get him out of the house and he would love it.

maisiemog · 01/04/2008 07:45

I think the fact he is articulate can only help him at pre-school, because he will be able to tell the nursery assistants/teacher if he has any problems with other children.
He sounds such a sweetie and clearly has a great time when he is with you.
If you have any concerns about how he will cope, perhaps you could have the au pair/ nanny take him to a toddler group before you enrol him in pre-school. Quite a few toddler groups run two or three times a week.
If he has any problems at the toddler group then the au pair can report back and you could decide after that.
My personal instinct would be to wait until he is three for the pre-school. I don't know the set-up at the school you mention, but the school nursery my DS attends mixes three and four year olds. I wonder if that might be slightly overwhelming for such a sweet 2.5 year. On the other hand he sounds so laid-back that he might not be phased by all the grabbing of toys etc...
I understand that our nursery staff are great at sorting out disputes, but there are only three of them and fifteen children.

Original poster

lisalisa · 01/04/2008 08:36

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QuintessentialShadows · 01/04/2008 10:15

LisaLisa, you know your child best of course, but you are speaking about a child with 4 older siblings, why would mixing with older children overwhelm him?

My sons preschool had divided the children according to age groups. 2-2 1/2 year olds, 2 1/2 to 3 year olds and 3 -4 year olds, where the oldest group received a more formal preschool learning. (They of course stayed in their groups as they progressed through the school) You may find that this is very common, especially if you find a montessorri preschool/nursery, which in any case is very focused on the individual child and their abilities and individual characters.

nappyaddict · 01/04/2008 13:21

the preschools round here are the same as quint's. might be worth looking into.

theyoungvisiter · 01/04/2008 20:45

Lisalisa - I'd be surprised if your pre-school would allow a 2 year old to mix with 3 and 4 year olds. The ofsted ratios are completely different.

The setup Quint describes is much more normal - that's how all the nurseries around our way are set up.

Of course you shouldn't do anything for your DS that you aren't comfortable with but you might want to at least do a few visits to the 2 year old section and see how you rate it? It would give you a better feel for your options if anything goes wrong further down the line too.

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