CM club What do you think, am I just being an old misery?.......

[mindingmum]

by not wanting a mindee mum to buy birthday presents for my children

I would like to keep my family affairs seperate from the childminding buisiness and wouldn't dream of telling mindees mums when mine or my childrens birthdays are

I have been minding a little girl for two years and last year her mum managed to find out when 3 of my childrens birthdays were - 1 because she saw it on the calendar (written there by DD3) another 1 because she saw her holding party invites on the school run and a third because she asked him.

She bought each of them an expensive gift for which I and the children thanked her.She then asked me for a list of our family birthdays, so as not to forget anyone.

I told her it wasn't necessary to buy gifts for the children and that I would actually prefer if she didn't. She replied that since she had no family nearby and that her DD was with me 6 days a week, she felt that we were all like family.

She then went on maternity leave and missed DD3's and DS1's birthday.

She texted me this morning to say please could she have a list of all our birthdays including mine (must have seen calendar in kichen as DD4's is coming up)

How do I deal with this?

I really feel this is an invasion of our privicy but also wouldn't want to upset her.

Am I just being a misery?

Do you buy your mindees a present on their borthday and at christmas? I always get them something small. Some parents have wanted to buy my children something small on their birthdays etc and tbh i don't really mind. Its only the ones i tend to get more friendly with. I think that it will be difficult to stop her buying presents now without offending her. Perhaps you could insist on a spending limit instead.

I think she sounds generous and thoughtful and I think she is right, the amount of time her dd spends with your dcs, I would probably do the same.

The only thing that would make me feel uncomfortable as a cm would be if they were over my budget and I couldn't match her spending.

I buy mindees a presnet, some parents buy for my ds some don't.

She sounds lovely.
It's tricky for you though.
You have already asked her not to do it.
If you have to mention it again, it may make things awkward between you.

Personally I would leave the issue now.
If she insists on buying presents for your children, let her.

Dustystar - yes I do buy for all the mindees at christmas and Birthdays and a small gift from the mindee to their mum and dad on their mum/dad birthday as well.
However i feel that is part of the service that I provide.

Kay - she is generous and totally doing it for all the right reasons. no prob with the budget as i am extremely generous with gifts on the whole

TFoS - you are right she is lovely and it will make it awkward if i don't produce the list she has requested

TBH I think it's not so much about buying presents as the fact at the mo i feel that childminding seems to impose on every bit of our lives.

The nature of the job I suppose

Cheers for letting me have a moan

If you buy her children gifts then it's pretty weird not to want her to buy yours gifts imo. She probably feels awkward about it being onesided.

I think it's lovely that she cares so much about you and your family. You obviously play a very large part in their lives, and are almost a surrogate 'family' seing as they have no family close by.

I would accept gratefully, and be thankful to have such caring parents.

Sally

There you go, MM

She obviously thinks a lot of you.

I will send the CM in the Staffroom over.

It's nice that she wants to buy your children presents. Perhaps it is as a reward for them, for putting up with her child invading their home.

I think it's nice too Most of my parents have bought presents for ds for Christmas, Birthday, eggs at Easter etc. We've always thanked them and thought it was kind and we buy for mindees too so not one-sided. Ds actually has a birthday party coming up very soon and 5 mindees are going plus a mindees sibling, we are just like one big happy family and the first people ds thought of for invites was mindees The only time it's bothered me was when a mindees mum had clearly spent a LOT of money on my Christmas present and we just don't have the money to be so kind in return and I felt really embarrassed. I now know SHE gets a thrill from treating people so it doesn't bother me quite like it used to. Just enjoy

Misery! I know what you mean though, my parents have always bought for my dd, but I agree its probably because she feels its all one sided with you buying gifts for hers. Accept them gracefully and gratefully in the manor that they are given.

It could be worse, you could have families that think of you as the hired help. This one clearly values you and wants to show how much in the only way she can.

Thanks all, maybe I will just have to get on with it!

i got a lovely bunch of fowers for easter from a mindee and they always make/buy cards for my birthday makes me feel that they care