Wedding childcare - kids not allowed

[Zermatt25]

Husbands uncle is getting married - I say kids aren’t allowed - children over 7 can go which includes 5 of my sister in laws children, but my 2 year old isn’t invited and my husbands brothers child - who is 4 is also not invited.
I appreciate this is their wedding, but I do feel it should either be no kids or all kids.

Anyhow we’re pleased to get an invite, however the logistics are a nightmare.

Usual babysitter is on holiday, my Dad is also on holiday, my Mum lives abroad so could travel back for a short holiday, but this would be costly and potentially not possible.
My brother is based in Kent and has offered, but for us it’ll involve a 6 hour round trip drive on a Friday evening and Sunday morning to drop our child off and then drive to attend the Wedding on the Saturday.

My brother can’t stay at our house as he is allergic to my cat….we offered to pay for a hotel near to us, but it’s expensive at £100+ a night and he possibly won’t be able to travel as he has a stag do from the Sunday.

My friend offered to babysit which is great, but she can’t have our 2 year old over night so we’d have to leave at 7pm from the Wedding to get back to collect him.
We don’t mind, but the wedding venue is 2 1/2 hours from us so if the ceremony is at 1-2 pm we would only be there for 5 hours?!

I mentioned to my husband him just going and I stay home with our child but he’s not keen and to be honest I’d rather we went as a pair…..

Im getting to the point where I just decline the invite as it just seems too much hassle and expensive and I’m already a bit fed up that older kids are going, when usually it’s a struggle to find care for the younger kids/babies?!

Any suggestions would be very much welcomed.

I think you have lots of solutions but you don’t really want to go? I’d take the offer of babysitting from your friend and leave the wedding at 7pm. You will have been there for the main event.
second to that I’d take up your brother’s offer.
travelling and driving around to get to weddings is normal. Them not wanting small children there is also understandable.
if you don’t want to go though, just say no. But you do have options

I think it's understandable not wanting small children there tbh! So I specialise in wedding childcare and one option would be for you all to stay at the venue/ nearby and hire a babysitter for the day/ evening near the wedding. Then you don't have all the other expense/ travelling hours!!

I wouldn't go. It all sounds a bit too much like hard work.

In this situation I’d say to DH he either goes alone or chooses not to if he doesn’t want to. You’ll have to drive there in the morning so that’s 5 hours driving in a day with a wedding in between and if it follows normal wedding times you’ll have to leave during food. Too much driving and too tiring for what it is. They know that by saying no young children some people won’t be able to attend so it is what it is and you don’t need to feel bad.

Does your husbands brother live near the wedding? Could you share childcare?

Are you staying overnight at the venue after the wedding? If you don't want an unfamiliar local babysitter could you get an extra room for your friend who could travel with you and stay in the hotel looking after your 2 year old?

DH should go alone, I'd usually say don't bother but it's his uncle so if I were him I'd make the effort to go, albeit for as short as time as possible.

What type of venue is the wedding in? If it has hotel rooms you could arrange for a babysitter in your room. You would easily then be able to pop up and see you child. Could also do this at at a different hotel close by but then less easy to pop back. Easy to find qualified babysitters

I wouldn't leave my 2 year old with a baby sitter they had never met before.And what about the expense? Tell your DH to go on his own.

If childcare isn't a manageable option can you explain you'd have loved to attend but unfortunately can't and maybe look at a meal as a family to celebrate at a later date?

We didn't have children at our wedding so had to understand that some people either wouldn't be able to attend or not want to attend. Surely they would expect this knowing you have a little one and be understanding

Stay at the venue and get a local babysitter to look after both your child and your BIL’s child, split the cost between you

We’ve declined a few invitations because they were no children, we made that decision early on and made telling people easy, either our children come or we don’t. I particularly hate invites that say children over a certain age, as if you can split your family in half.

I wouldn't go. It's just other people causing you stress. Don't put up with it.

Are you close to this uncle? If so and you both want to go, I’d take your friends offer and leave the wedding at 7pm. Or your husband going alone seems sensible. If you’re not close then just say childcare is too difficult. I wouldn’t put myself to much trouble for someone I wasn’t close to so it very much depends on that for me.

Yeah I wouldn't be getting a randomer to look after my 2 yo either. I wouldn't go.

A lot of people do just decline in this situation or send one parent. That's fine if that's what you'd rather do.

I think it makes perfect sense to say kids over 7 only to be honest, because at that age kids can sit quietly through the ceremony, aren’t going to be messing around/crying etc, and then they can sit and enjoy a meal, play nicely on the evening etc.

I think it really depends how much you want to go, if the answer is not much then I’d just decline the invite. If you do want to go then it sounds as if you have a few potential options.

If you went to go then go and get a nanny for the day /evening who will look after in hotel and go when you come up for bed

What is your BIL doing - could you both take the little ones with you and hire a local babysitter/childminder close to the venue to look after both of them?