Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

SAHM or high level job WWYD?

3 replies

halfcaterpillar · 09/02/2024 10:05

I am currently on mat leave with my 8 month old DD and due to return to work in June. I also have a DS who is 2.5 years and currently at nursery 3 days a week. We are relocating from Oxfordshire to south Norfolk soon for a variety of reasons. I have a high level job in Oxford and was full-time, but I was prepared to give it up due to the relocation and knowing I didn’t want a full time job because I want to spend more time with the kids. Not expecting anything, I asked my work if they would consider letting me work 3 days a week with a job share and more remotely than at present. I was fully prepared for a rejection and to hand in my notice. However, to my surprise, they said yes.

I don’t know whether to reject the job and be a SAHM until both the kids are in school, or accept the job. I love being a mum but i used to enjoy the job too. I am lucky enough that we could live frugally but relatively comfortably on my husband’s salary for a few years and he prefers this option because he feels bad about putting the kids in nursery (my DS went full time when I returned to work after having him and it was hard on everyone as he is a very sensitive boy). Also there are limited childcare options near our new home because it’s rural - the nearest nurseries would involve an hour’s commute (DH and i both work mostly from home) so we would have to suck that up 3 days a week or use childminders or a combination of preschool in term time for DS and childminders in the school holidays. We do not have family who can help with childcare.

No doubt if i took the job there would be a level of work stress and working extra on top of my part time hours, but it’s a great job and well paid. We would use the money to save, pay off the mortgage and have some nicer holidays. I don’t fancy the 3hr approx commute to Oxford though, which I would have to do once every 2-3 weeks, possibly with an overnight stay.

I don’t know any SAHM and worry that I will miss the mental stimulation and social interaction if i choose this option. But i would love the opportunity to be with the kids, going to groups and doing activities at home. My boy could attend the local preschool part time too, which i think would be good for him, and i could look after him in the school holidays (there are no holiday clubs at this school).

If i did choose to be a SAHM, I am relatively confident that i can regain my career when I want to. I am not 100% career focused and definitely more on the ‘work to live’ side than ‘live to work’ but I did enjoy the job and jobs like this don’t come along often, it’s the first job I have ever enjoyed and I worked hard to get it. I have looked into other part time opportunities nearer the new house but it’s hard to get anything high paid when working part time in my sector.

I can see pros and cons either way, I just don’t know what option to pick and I have to let work know in the next few days. Grateful for any insights please!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Spendonsend · 09/02/2024 10:19

I honestly think it would be bonkers to not accept the option offered by work and give it a go.

Its not like you cant decide that actually, it hasnt worked out and hand in your notice at a later date

But the chance of high paid work, in your field, part time and flexible remote seems quite unlikely to present itself again.

Twilightstarbright · 09/02/2024 10:27

Another one who thinks give it a go- it’s rare to be offered this kind of opportunity.

but for the love of god, you need childcare on the days you are both working. You can’t ’suck up’ looking after preschool aged children whilst working.

KinKenKon · 09/02/2024 10:31

but it’s hard to get anything high paid when working part time in my sector.

This is a common problem and why many women return to their job after mat leave. They have a request to go part time accepted, which they know they will not get elsewhere if they give up and try to get another job in 3 or 4 years time.

In your situation I would return to work. If it works out you may end up doing it for years while your kids go right through primary school. If it isn't working then you can still give it up, but being aware you probably can't get back in at that level part time.

I've always worked 3 days a week and it's a great balance, still plenty of time to go to groups with the children when their little and at school pick up/play dates after school twice a week as they get older.

Your biggest challenge will be finding childcare because of the area you're moving to, but that will be an ongoing problem for you for years if there aren't nurseries/ holiday clubs etc so may in fact be your deciding factor.
Maybe there are local childminders? Part time nanny?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread