Au Pair vs Nanny

[Foreversomething]

Hi all. I’m looking for some advice. I am considering having a child solo. I’d like to plan financially to see whether it can be a reality.

my eldest child is in full time education but when I return to work after a second (obviously if things go to plan !) I’d like to have a nanny or au pair rather than send to nursery straight away.

ideally, the job would consist of Tuesday - Thursday 7.45-6.30. (Looking after baby and doing school runs. Are these hours normal or is that too long?), Monday & Fridays 8.45am - 2.30pm. Part of my job means that I do need to sometimes entertain in the evenings. (Perhaps 5 times a month incl socialising with friends) then I’d like to be able to take a holiday once or twice a year for 3 nights with friends.

Does this sort of childcare exist ? I’ve never had nanny or au pair so I’m totally new to this. What is the difference in pay? What would be most suitable ?

do nanny’s / au pairs have holidays separate to when you do ?

when the baby would start nursery or pre school, how does that work in terms of cutting hours down ? Would anything other than child care be included ? I have a cleaner so that’s not an issue I’m just wondering about washing clothes etc.

sorry I just have no clue how this works. What I’ve written above is obviously the utopia so I welcome feedback if I’m living in a dream world ! Thanks for any advice.

Au pairs do not care for babies.
I'm not sure you can think of leaving two children to go on holiday before you've even had a baby don't you have any family. But then I don't get the holiday without children idea, when you have children.
Evenings you would possibly find a nanny to do it or need a baby sitter.
You would have to employ a nanny do payroll pension etc.

Serious question : why do you want another baby?
Not to be mean but it doesn't sound like you'd be around that much once back at work, 5 evenings out a month and holidays without the children?

I am a single parent and the above sounds a bit excessive to me but maybe that's because if I can afford a holiday my child is coming with me and although I do enjoy a night off to see friends etc, I wouldn't do it 5 times a month nor take on work commitments in the evening if I also wouldn't see them all day?

Just my opinion

Hi I appreciate your views. The above is a maximum. We go on holiday very frequently together. We have several planned already this year. I haven’t got any non-child holidays planned. As I said in my post above this is just worst case scenario into the future and I certainly wouldn’t be planning on going away or out very frequently for the first few years anyway ! I didn’t leave my current child with anyone other than to work for the first 4 years. So please don’t judge on what you don’t know.

The above is all maximum. This month, I haven’t been out at all and do not have anything until May but leading up to Christmas there’s unavoidable events that I cannot say no to. I’m not asking for advice on whether I should have another baby, I’m asking about childcare options.

@jannier - thank you for the practical advice.

I think that’s too many hours for an au pair, they’re supposed to be learning the language and culture as part of a family in exchange for childcare. From what I’ve read it’s also quite hard to find one with the new brexit rules. It sounds more like you need a nanny, but that will be more costly. https://www.childcare.co.uk/information/what-is-an-au-pair#:~:text=An%20Au%20Pair%20travels%20to,childcare%20and%20light%20domestic%20help.

OP the above is definitely achievable. But it would be a nanny and definitely not an au pair and you'd need your be prepared to pay through the nose for it. Where you are in the country will also matter. London obviously even more expensive but more likely to be able to find someone who is willing to work this pattern.

Basically, if you can afford to pay properly for it, it probably exists.

When mine started pre school, we kept our nanny on on full hours to cover holidays, sickness etc. Expensive but that's really the only way to ensure totally reliable cover.

Au pairs don’t look after babies. (There are hardly any au pairs anyway).
you need a nanny. I’m sure you could get a nanny who would look after your children once a year overnight for a couple of days. They will often do as hoc babysitting with notice too.
It would be quite expensive though - ring a local nanny agency and see how much.

Au pairs are... well limited thanks to brexit, not supposed to work thaaaaat much, and generally fairly young and inexperienced so not supposed to be in charge of babies/toddlers.

I've had something like an au pair (more mothers help) for a 1 year old and 4 year old and I was in the house WFH and semi supervising and I still needed to step in at times where I wouldn't have expected to with an experienced sole charge nanny but then, we couldn't afford a nanny (you'd probably get a lower hourly rate than us because you need more hours)

A nanny could do some light housework stuff for the kids like their laundry and meals. When the child is at nursery you either pay the nanny or maybe re arrange their hours so they can work for another family in the morning or something.

Legally a nanny should probably be an employee so yes entitled to holiday like any other job.

A live-out nanny might be £18-25 an hour (London).

An au pair gets "pocket money" on top of living with you, maybe £80-100 a week but this is really supposed to be like having a teenage family member living with you help out with the kids.

I definitely think you could get a nanny to suit but can you afford it? Probably worth taking to an agency about what you need and what it will likely cost.

Not an Au Pair. An Au Pair is basically a helpful big sister not someone that you should leave a baby with for more than an hour or so.

If you want someone who can pick your 9 year old up from school, give them a cheese sandwich and then play FIFA with them then an au pair is perfect. More than that then it is a nanny.

You need a nanny. An au pair is an unqualified young person living in your home to provide family assistance in child care for a limited number of hours a week in exchange for accommodation and experience of a different culture. They do not look after babies. I work away from home 6-7 nights a month every month and have not ever left my children (now teenagers) with either a nanny or an au pair. I had a live out nanny who worked for us part time. You need to be prepared to have deep pockets for an overnight nanny. Some of my work colleagues had overnight nannies through necessity - our profession by its nature takes us away from home in the travel industry. I don’t know of anyone who employs an overnight or live in nanny because they want to continue their long weekends and nights out lifestyle after having a baby!

In terms of practicalities, you would legally need to put a nanny on the payroll and ensure you and the nanny pay tax correctly. As well as a salary and paid holidays (which in our case were usually taken at the same time as each other, by mutual agreement) we also provided a mobile phone contract, meals when take with the children, mileage costs for petrol or other transport costs (sometimes she used her own car, sometimes she used public transport or it was necessary to take a taxi.) At some point in recent years it has become an employer’s requirement to make sure an employee has access to a pension. We also paid for her nanny insurance, OFSTED registration and contributed to the first aid refresher training she was required to have in order to be correctly insured.

Our nanny was responsible for our children from when the youngest was 10 months old. She worked hours again by mutual agreement that fitted in around my very changeable work patterns. Over the years she looked after them as babies, changed nappies and fed them, made meals when they were older, got them up and dress and took them to school, collected them from school and helped with homework, occasionally took them to appointments, hobbies or play dates, got them bathed and put them to bed. She never worked a longer day than 10 hours, although she was quite happy sometimes to work a morning then go home for the afternoon and come back in the evening for babysitting. The only non-standard task we asked her to do was to supervise the children as they got older looking after their animals. I would not have asked her to do any housework tasks other than normal things such as putting children’s plates in the dishwasher after dinner or helping them tidy away their toys.

I absolutely could not have managed without my nanny, and am extremely grateful for the years she was with us. A think to consider is that in general nannies are women, and if you have the same nanny for a long time (we had ours for over 10 years) if they are young when you first employ them they may have children of their own. Ours had 2 children whilst working for us. This caused a few complications in organising childcare, but nothing we could not work around, and I hope I supported her as well when she had her babies as she supported me and my children. But we had to pay her maternity leave.

What you are asking about is all doable, but do not underestimate the costs of having a nanny. An au pair is much cheaper, but really you can’t have one of those (assuming you can find one) until your youngest child is at school, and you certainly wouldn’t be regularly leaving your young children overnight with an au pair.

Thank you for all of the helpful responses, everything has been really useful. I was a bit worried about coming back onto this thread in fear for more flaming !

Financially, whilst difficult and with some mega saving for a couple of years before getting pregnant, it should be possible to manage until child goes to school / nursery.

In an ideal world I would love to be a SAHM or have a partner to support the load but unfortunately that’s just not in the position I am in. My time is running out to have another child so I have to make the call sooner rather than later.

I am very lucky in that I have a decent career and my employer allows me to take my LO to school 4 times a week and pick up 2-3 times a week. I’m always home a couple of hours before bedtime. Nights out are rare but leading up to Christmas it can become very difficult to say no and not have an adverse impact on my career. (Call me selfish or whatever but short of a lottery win the bills unfortunately have to be paid!) my original post was trying to identify a month of worst case scenarios. (Probably two months out of 12)

thanks for also clearing up the difference between au pair and nanny, I genuinely had no idea hence asking for advice. It’s good to know there’s options out there. As I say, it is the utopia and way into the future that I’d consider leaving a child overnight / for an event but practically it will happen at some stage which is why I’m trying to be sensible when making this decision. Appreciate all of the advice.

@backinthebox - such a helpful response thanks so much for taking the time to go through that. I’ve messed up on the au pair question, I just didn’t know and now it’s been explained to me I completely understand why it’s the wrong move. A colleague mentioned that they had one for their children and now I’m quite concerned as they are under 2!

It sounds like your nanny was very special to your family and that’s exactly what I’d be looking for.

You are looking for about 33 hours a week, plus about one evening babysitting min.

Are you looking for live in or live out ?

An au pair would be live in, as the au pair comes to the country you live in to learn the language and do a bit of work and is supposed to go to classes to learn the language of the country that she is now in.

You do not leave a baby with an au pair for hours on end, so you would want a Nanny.
Generally an au pair would be unqualified / no first aid / no paediatric first aid ! no safe guarding etc. So an au pair is at home ' helping ' a sahm.

The school run - is this on foot / public transport or car ?
Do you have a car that will be insured for the Nanny, and can she use it during her free time ?

Nanny will launder the baby's clothes, and the other child's too. After the school run will Nanny be preparing tea for school age child / helping and supervising homework / taking child to after school activities etc.
Will Nanny be caring for other child during school holidays ?

I would expect nanny to take the baby to activities like Tumble Tots / Music With Me etc. when baby is the right age for these activities.

As already mentioned there is NI to pay, and tax etc. Nanny of course has all her meals whilst ' on duty ' and all meals if live - in.

Nanny will accompany you on your holidays if you wish, or you can pay her for staying at home. Nanny is still entitled to her paid holiday leave of x weeks, and Bank Holidays etc. the dates of her choice tho of course they have to be convenient to you.

Nanny may very well leave if her hours are cut when / if baby goes to a Nursery.

You are looking for a NNEB qualification / Level 3 in Childcare at the least, tho I would hope for the !st aid too and a DBS.

Ah ! @backinthebox replied whilst I was typing very slowly :)

Yes, she was very special. You have to look after a nanny who looks after your kids.

I don’t know if you done this but I’ve totted up your hours - they come in at 44 hrs 45 mins per week before any evening babysitting or overnight work. Just adding that up, using figures from the Nannytax salary surveys, you would be looking at a salary of approximately £37000 per year, plus employer’s costs of a couple of thousand extra. To put this into perspective, you would need to have a salary yourself before tax of £55000 per year just to pay the nanny, and that does not include any of the evenings or long weekends you would be thinking of taking. If you earn this sort of money, good for you. But in our household we employed our nanny for 25 hours a week, and it was a stretch on an airline pilot and company director’s combined salaries (given we had a mortage and other household bills to pay, and I went part time.) Often I come across people who think they have found the perfect solution to childcare by just getting in a young girl to look after the kids and paying minimum wage, but this is not a nanny. Our nanny had pretty average childcare qualifications - nothing special but certainly had studied childcare at college, and had several years experience working in various early years learning settings before working for us. You can’t expect someone who you entrust your children’s safety and comfort to while you are at work to accept a lower salary than your cleaner or the person who comes to cut your grass! Nannies (proper ones, who are good and who your children love) are expensive.

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon DBS, first aid and insurance required to register nanny with Ofsted, which in turn was necessary to be able to pay her with childcare vouchers (pre-tax income.) I know that’s not the way it’s done now, but I don’t know what today’s equivalent is. My kids are old enough to do babysitting themselves now! They don’t need childcare any more.

oh my goodness ! I toted up the hours too, and missed out Wednesday ! :)

There wasn't OFSTED registered Nannies in my day, but then I am old enough to have been your Nanny when you were little :)

"Often I come across people who think they have found the perfect solution to childcare by just getting in a young girl to look after the kids and paying minimum wage, but this is not a nanny." @backinthebox

This is basically what we did (I was WFH so semi supervising!) for a while and I whole heartedly agree it's not the perfect solution but we had worked through all the "normal" solutions and were running out. In fact we fully ran out I work without childcare now, in some ways this is better tbh

You can use tax free childcare for an ofsted nanny now btw, up to £2k per child under 12 per year off (£4k till if they're disabled)

Definitely a nanny and those are on the long end of nanny hours tbh. You would probably need to find a different person for evening babysitting. The holiday away without kids is a non starter childcare wise, almost no nannies would do this especially for kids so young.

As a PP says don’t underestimate costs, you will be paying their salary gross, employer’s NI, mandatory pension contributions now too. Probably paying a payroll company to sort it all. Plus an agency fee if you go through an agency to find them. And extra costs from having a person in your house all day - you need to provide their meals and have the heating on all day for example. And pay for activities if you want her to take the baby to them (and older child in holidays).

Nannies don’t do nights so can you function at work if your second child turns out to be a bad sleeper? and … a child with medical problems or additional needs will make everything more of a challenge and this is more common than you might think.

At the moment it sounds like you have everything working and I’m not sure why you want to take the risk, except hormones and is that a good enough reason? Appreciate that wasn’t the question you asked.

Thanks for all the advice. I think the nights out and going away is a nice to have. I think when I originally posted, I was just putting all of my thoughts down and of course I’d need to factor in life changes as I do with my current child.

I think I’d probably need a nanny Monday - Friday with reduced hours on Mondays and Fridays. Financially, it will be fine and thank you for the tax free information, I hadn’t realised you could do that.

I’m not going to go into the circumstances on why I want to have another child but there are other factors at play that makes the argument stronger.

Really appreciate all of the good advice, it’s definitely given me food for thought.

Check the tax free thing - if you’re on over £100k (which you’d have to be to afford this level of nanny cover) I believe you are not eligible for any tax free childcare.