Baby still hates the childminders after 5 months of going

[Moonshine160]

DS is 16 months. Since he was about 10
months old he has been quite difficult. Lots of separation anxiety, a chronic whinger, still not fully walking so gets very frustrated. Lots of happy moments too though and will happily play on the floor with his brother or on his own. He started the childminders when he was 11 months old when I went back to work, he goes there 2 x days per week for 6 hours on each of the days. He was very unsettled from the start, which I expected for the first few weeks but it went on and on. In December things magically got better, she said he was still a bit whingey (but that’s what he’s like at home anyway) but no major tears, ate well, had a nap there, no more crying when separating from me. We thought we’d turned a corner.

Well since the Christmas holidays he’s been very upset there again. Today she said he has cried for 4 out of the 6 hours in the day. Refused to eat any dinner. She had said to me that she’s finding it draining, he is distressing the other children and all the crying isn’t good for him. She said he wants to be held all day but they haven’t got the time to do that. She compared him to other children that started at the same time who are apparently fine. She hasn’t said she doesn’t want him anymore but that’s definitely what she was implying. She also said she thinks it’s because I still breastfeed him (which I do 2 x per day), but I pointed out to her that DS is fine when my mum or DH looks after him, which he is!

I have contacted other childminders and nurseries in the area and nobody has any availability any time soon for the 2 days that I need. I really want to go to work, I need that time for myself. DS goes to my mums one day per week and is absolutely fine there.

Any advice on this? If he stays at the current childminders is there anything I can do to help him be more settled? It’s heartbreaking because he can’t tell me what’s wrong so I have no clue. He has a dummy and a comforter there and something that smells of me but none of it helps. I don’t think there’s any choice but to remove him because it’s too distressing for him and after 5 months it’s getting worse not better. He now cries when we drive onto her road. My problem is that at the moment I don’t have an alternative place to send him :(

That’s so tough OP. On the one hand, if he hasn’t warmed up after 5 months then I don’t think he will. Sometimes minders and kids just don’t click. It’s different in nursery because there’s multiple staff so kids can have favourites.

If you need to work then you need to work. That’s really what it comes down to isn’t it. Maybe you can start looking for another minder and keep him at the current one in the meantime? Let her know you’re looking but that a solution will be found eventually.

The other thing is did he get a lot of time off for Christmas? Maybe he’s in a readjusting period?

Given he is fine spending the day with other caregivers then I agree, it doesn't sound great. Obviously it must be draining for her, but the very fact that it is must feed back to him on some level and make the whole thing more miserable

I don't know what to suggest but I also would feel the need to pull him.out. Is there a facebook group of the area to see if others know of nurseries with places - sometimes there are places you didn't know exist and could contact.

Would a nanny work for you financially? It sounds like he's fine with a one-to-one caregiver (or maybe one-to-two?) but not when there are multiple other children around and he doesn't get the adult's undivided attention. My niece is the same: fine with me one day a week, fine with her dad, doesn't get on at either of her childminders' places. One-to-one care in his own home might suit your DS better. Obviously more expensive though, and means you have added responsibilities as an employer.