Possible au pair , does country of origin matter?

[kittywise]

I've got a potential au pair coming to see us at the weekend. We have been in email contact for a few days.
However dp is nervous because she is Tunisian but French-born and has lived in Switzerland. He is worried because she is African and this is absolutely NOT to do with race but with culture. He believes that Africans are hard on their children, sweeping generalisation I know, but I have to respect his feelings here.

The only Africans I have ever known have been from the west coast.

Anyway has anyone had experience of North African au pairs? Has dp cause to be a bit anxious?

Thanks for advice

Kitty, I am trying to find an ap in Brighton atm too. There aren't many around now, but lots will arrive for the summer - so if you can wait a couple of months, you should have more luck.

Where are you advertising?

For brighton stuff I'm using Gumtree, I've found it great, but i'm also registered with three onlng agencies.

Actually having asked the poss au pair more questions she has just sent me this email

"Hello kitty

i understand you have a lot of questionne , but the tink is you just have to give chance to poeple i mean who knows i can come to you smiling , with best ref ever , i could be a bad person . i understand you , i will never let my child with someone else never ever if i do it i just take the risk .. i can lie to you , i can provide fake reference everything is possible .
I am not a European lady ... take care of kids is in my blood ... and no corporal punishment we are not animals
just talk or let the kids go out from his room , and let him think what was wrong with his behaviour

anyway i was not sure about moving to Brighton or go back to France i asked God to guide me
so i think this mail was the answer ,
kitty i apologies for wasting your time , but i am not interesting anymore , "

good luck with your babies and best wishes

Well,that's solved that dilema then

Glad that was resolved before you had her in your house, then...

Well, at least you didn't waste time interviewing her. She seems to have issues about not being European.

kitty, she sounds a bit chippy. All for the best, not someone you would want in your house. God spoke to you too!

Also, kitty, anyone who gets arsey because you ask for references is a big warning bell. If she knows she cannot provide good references, she knows it is good bye anyway. Not a nice person.

well that email was quite revealing

yes it was, phew!

Sounds like a lucky escape to me! No wonder you were anxious.

I had one girl contact me this week saying she was looking for an English family who weren't lazy and selfish but hadn't found one so far..(I suggested she keep on lookng)

In my 2nd standard email I send out to prospectives I stipulate that we do not EVER smack or physically punish our children, some info about our parenting approach and how we expect our DCs to behave - although I think it is lost on those with poor English. My DH is obsessed that we will get an AP who secretly hit the DDs.

Yes mine is worried about that. I am not worried with the older 4 as I know they would tell me straight away but the two littlies.....

I've found a live out help today and i shall keep on seeing what the ad bring in.
A least now I can look with a sense of panic and desperation.
There do seem to be quite a few girls who are drifting, they don't particularly want to be au pairs and they have no plans for their future. I know now that i need someone who is taking a gap year or two, not someone who hasn't a clue.
As was said someone to start in the summer or sept would be the best!!
Wow I'm on a steep learning curve here, thanks ladies!!!!

Meant WITHOUT panic and desperation

Glad to see the potential Au-Pair has pulled out, as if they were a Tunisian National, then they don't comply with the terms of an Au-Pair visa to work in the UK as an au-pair (and can't come in under the Working Holiday Maker visa either).
An important question to ask potential au-pairs, is their Nationality (you want to know how it appears printed on their passport).
You can then use the UKVisas website to check what visa they could get, so that they can work in the UK.

thank you nannynick

Nannynick Hijack: do you remember my friend who lost out on the male nanny? She now has a male au pair, and it is working very well. She decided to not look for a female but especially look for a man, as she is a single parent to two boys, needs male influence. Thanks for your earlier advice.

hijack over, sorry kitty

Not at all relevant I'm sure, but my Dutch neighbour, who is THE most kissy, tactile grandmother, was lamenting that all the childcare workers around here are East European - in her words - 'harsh and stony faced' whereas the Africans that she has known are warm and expansive.

DDs nursery worker is from Cameroon and a warmer, kinder person you could not hope to meet.

Whoops - you specified North Africa - sorry I should have read more carefully

Kitty,
FWIW, I have had 3 polish au pairs. All lovely, happy to muck, in warm and affectionate, willing to work, mop up sick, whatever it is. I have had ONE Norwegian Au Pair who found her self above taking the rubbish out and generally were too busy thinking of her future career to bond with either child. It spoke volumes when my youngest started crying in the morning when she said good morning, and he was saying to me I dont LIKE X.

I think the difference is, the Norwegian girl (already fluent in English and from a very middle class background) wanted a gap year abroad prior to starting a long degree in social anthropology. The polish girls had no such intellectual aspirations, from "working class background", they wanted to come to England, learn the language, start a career in childcare and thought AuPairing was perfect.

Finding the perfect candidate may take a little, so be prepared to spend a lot of time sifting to profiles and cvs, and ask questions after questions....

Good Luck

lol at my punctuation..... Happy to muck, in warm ... It should of course say "happy to muck in, warm ...."

Yes, I think gut instinct is good. I have had some absolutely brilliant live out help. I'm confident that the summer will bring me luck

Kitty, how is your search going?

I've just found a profile on APW of an AP who wants to work in a specific reigon (iirc where you live) 575970 is GB and only had 10 contacts in last 30. Seems, erm, devout so your house may appeal?

Loads of lovely sounding summer au pairs on Great Au Pairs, chose one and felt absolutely dreadful about emailing another 3 who seemed similarly delightful, thanks but no thanks. It's not a position I'm often in, normally a bit like you, kittywise!

I'd like to add my 2p worth on male au pairs. I've had a few (no, not like that!) One I really liked as he really looked after me. Years later, the kids told me how physical he was with them. I was devastated. They were too scared to tell me at the time. Another thought he was God's gift to au pairdom, but was in fact useless at housework (what did I expect from a Spanish male?) My own fault, really. He was also incredibly pedantic about English, to the point of questioning me if he thought I'd made a grammatically incorrect utterance. The kids loved him because he could skateboard, I couldn't wait to see the back of him. My present au pair is male and can drive and clean. However, I made the mistake of assuming he'd love to play football etc in the garden with the boys. In fact he's not the slightest bit interested in sports!

Hence need for new summer au pair! One good thing - he's on 3 month contract!

Sorry, me again! Just wanted to add that I agree with Quint...cave about the Polish girls, mine was just like that. Downside? Her English was terrible, and didn't improve much in the 10 months she stayed.