Withdrawing from nursery - son won’t settle

[eggsoncrumpets]

My son (2 in March) has been attending nursery since October 3 days a week and still isn’t settling. It’s quite a big setting, and I think he struggles with the amount of adults and children. He has to be peeled off me crying in the mornings, and when I pick him up they tell me he’s been emotional on and off during the day. I just don’t know what to do. They also require 2 months notice to leave apparently which seems excessive! Has anyone had a similar experience?

It took my daughter ages to settle in a small setting, and she was happy during the day (but the mornings were so emotional and hell for her and I both). We persevered as she was happy during the day and you couldn’t get a smaller nicer setting…

in your situation I’d look for a very small nursery (ours is in a rural village and has 10 kids) or a reputable CM.

Cant help with fees bit sadly, sorry

I took mine out as it just didn’t suit him. They insisted he eat the hot dinner when he just wanted a sandwich, and he couldn’t nap as it was too loud.

Could you start looking at smaller settings including childminders? If your son has been going 3 days a week from October I would have expected to see real signs he is settling. Have things got easier at all?

My daughter took ages and ages to settle. Like 4 months. Then big summer holiday and then had another 4-6 weeks of challenges / up and downs. Sounded v similar to your son - desperately upset on drop off, up and down during the day especially difficult if she was tired or hungry.

We had already moved her from one setting to this one and we don't have a third option (as in the nuclear option is one of us quitting our jobs!).

She isn't a child who runs into nursery now without a look back, but she has good days there. 9 times out of 10, enjoys herself and is happy on pick up often not wanting to leave.

Anyway, I don't think you are BU. The thing that made me keep my little one in nursery was that a) they were really positive b) even if she had been upset they made sure to celebrate the little wins etc c) they didn't make me feel like my daughter was unusual or that it was insurmountable.

Do your nursery make you feel like they care and they will work hard to make it work? Are they telling you what they are trying and what helps etc? Do you like the key worker etc?

(Btw For my little one it helped to have a books explaining nursery - one about a toddler going to nursery (it's dreadfully dull but tells a social story) and we 'wrote' her a social story with pics of the nursery and of her worker)

Also sending some love. It can feel really hard and horrible.

Thanks everyone! So where we live nurseries and CMs are so oversubscribed with HUGE wishing lists. All the good CMs have given up, and I don’t blame them! The nursery he goes to seems nice and I’ve never heard negative about it at all which makes me wonder if it’s just us having this issue! I could potentially drop him to two days per week; but not sure if this would make it better or worse?
He has a key worker that he goes to for cuddles, but if she’s not there for whatever reason, the drop offs are even worse. There seems to be lots of staff. They also now want to move him into the next room from when he turns 2 in March, and I’m just not sure he’ll cope well with that. Every time I pick him up I hear he’s been emotional on and off during the day and needed lots of reassurance to start playing again. Would dropping a day help?

Personally I think dropping a day might be more challenging - it became easier for my daughter when she went up to three days a week as she kind of had more exposure to it. With 2 days a week, by the time she's finished on a Tuesday, she had nearly a week before her next session on a Monday and I think that made it harder. I know some nurseries do not accept children for less than 2 days a week precisely because it's tricky for them to settle.

Difficult to say but perhaps the new room will help, if there's different set up etc. it may be worth seeing if they Can allocate him another key worker for days when his key worker isn't in so he can have two people to go with.

Also, what do they say? Is how he is in nursery similar to his peers or are they saying he is more upset than them? (All children get upset at nursery and have off days etc!)