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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

cm problems

15 replies

ksmum · 19/03/2008 14:07

I am not sure whether this is a problem or not. Basically my daughter (3) does not like going to the cm. She goes 4 days a week: cm picks her up in the morning about 9 and we pick her up 6 or earlier.

She doesn't cry but she does say every time 'I don't want to go to x's'. And if we have been on holiday or she has been sick she is pretty glum for the first day or two back.

I think this is all normal but the only thing is I would be less bothered if she said 'don't go to work' or 'I want you to stay' rather than 'i don't want to go to x's' or 'I don't want an X day'.

Also the other day she was getting over being ill and I was at home with her (though she could probably have gone really) and she was in a v bad mood and was playing up badly. I said 'you don't seem to be very happy being at home, so maybe I will ring X up' (I know I should nto have said that, using her as a threat is a v bad idea ) and she went a bit hysterical.

There are some other issues with cm: she lets DD watch tv too much ( I have asked her not to let her do this but she puts it on when older kids come in from school and leaves it on until we pick up) and she does not really play with my daughter - leaves her to play on her own mostly. Nor does she do any creative or messy play. Also I find she is very difficult to persaude to change what she is doing - an example was when we were potty training and dd kept pooing at her house, but always asked at home. it was because she was being left to watch tv on her own and was therefore mesmerised but CM would not change the Tele thing and just kept getting cross. But I wouldn't care about that if I felt my daughter liked her. And I don't think she does. But am I being paranoid and it is just her way of expressing herself?

What a long ramble.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BoysAreLikeBunnies · 19/03/2008 14:09

Think you might need to find yourself a new CM

crace · 19/03/2008 14:15

Agreed, sounds like your 3 yo isn't stimulated enough - does she attend a playgroup/pre-school as well?

lentengrrl · 19/03/2008 14:22

No, don't think you are being para. I would start looking for a new one. Or can you get nursery vouchers yet? I can't remember, sorry.

Original poster

ksmum · 19/03/2008 14:25

I think you are right. The thing is when I have said things to other people they all say 'oh well she would say that wherever she was' but I am not sure she would.

She does take her out every morning and they go and do something like go to the park, or playgroup.

She doesn't go to nursery yet: she will start in September at the nursery attached to the school I want her to go to so I don't want to start her in a private nursery now as then it will be two changes.

Actually now i have written all this out I have realised there are a lot of things she does that I don't like. But she is actually nice in herself and very helpful to us.

TBH I thought some of it is to do expectations and background. MY DH complains about it a lot, but I think we are very hands on with DD, she gets loads of attention and does loads of stuff with us and hardly watches tele. I know this is going to make me sound snobby but I think some of it is to do with being middle class vs working class and what you think is acceptable/necessary for children to do so I was trying to be relaxed about it. But my DH says I am too liberal.

It will be v difficult to find a new CM as before I placed my daughter i spoke to loads of them and they all know each other and gossip among themselves, so it will be tricky. I am thinking about doing a nanny share instead now

OP posts:

3NAB · 19/03/2008 14:27

You need a new CM.

narkymum · 19/03/2008 14:29

get a new cm

Original poster

ksmum · 19/03/2008 14:35

I don't think I can get a new CM, that;s the prob. So my options are:

Au pair/live in nanny: au pair, think my DD is too young and nanny may be too expensive (don't know how much they are TBH)

Private nursery: but then she will be going to the other nursery in September so would be a bit of a mess and I'd need somewhere for her to go after nursery.

Nanny: can't afford

nanny share? May be a possibility

OP posts:

lisalisa · 19/03/2008 14:37

Message withdrawn

Original poster

ksmum · 19/03/2008 14:49

Actually it is not older mindees it is her own son who is 10ish and she cooks tea and tidies up and seems to chat.

She also stopped my daughter napping before I wanted her to and said she wouldn't nap (which is odd as she naps for ages at home and there is only one other child there who is younger). I am really getting all my gripes off my chest now.

but I am still in the position of not knowing where to get another one. Think I must have spoken to every single one near me and the one I liked best could nto take her. I kind of ended up with this one by default.

OP posts:

crace · 19/03/2008 14:56

Where are you, have you tried www.childcarelink.gov.uk for England?

crace · 19/03/2008 14:57

Also things change all the time with c/m's and someone who may not have had space might do now..

AtheneNoctua · 19/03/2008 15:38

What about an aup pair / nursery combination. Au pair could pick up from nursery and get her resady for bed. Then, when you get home you coul dhave quality time instead of trying to rush through the evening chores.

So... her 10 year puts the telly on... And the choce of show is??? Someting for 3 year olds or something for 10 year olds?

Deffo not on in my book. I don't mind some telly, but I do mind something like... say... The Simpsons.

Jeez, no wonder your daughter doesn't like it.

Kewcumber · 19/03/2008 15:45

Cm's do tend to do what they are comfortable doing with their own childrne in my (limited) experience. for example my cm rarely does crafty/messy activities but DS (2.3) does masses of football and outdoor stuff with her older boys. They do watch TV later in the day sometimes and sometiems it programmes suitable for a 10 year old not a 2 yr old but I don't really mind too much as DS is more interested in playing with the cars.

DS is going through a clingy stage at the moemtn but I don't think he's at all unhappy at the CM.

I think more to the point is that you feel uncomfortable and there is something about your DD that is unhappy. I think you need to trust your instincts. I judge my DS's feelings about CM not by how he is at drop off (often grumpy as he wants to stay with mummy - and why wouldn't he) but by how he is at drop off - almost invariably happy and laughing and happy to kiss CM bye bye.

How does you DD seem at pick up?

narkymum · 19/03/2008 16:14

what area do you live we have clics round here but not all cms belong to one i know i dont and i am sure you could get another one things change all the time

fludnelb · 20/03/2008 20:32

I had similar concerns with my DD - we started with a new CM when we moved and she just never seemed happy (loved old CM) - always saying she didn't want to go to CM (and one day when CM picked her up in the morning she went hysterical). Like you my concern was that she was watching too much telly - she was bored bored bored and would run out without a backward glance when I came to pick her up! We got a nanny after 4 months and she is so much happier now; obviously it costs a lot more and we are dipping into our savings to be able to afford it, but at the moment it's for the best. My DD still has mornings when she wakes up and says 'Am I going to X?' and when I say 'no', she says 'X was nasty'. So go with your gut and either get a new CM or nursery/aupair combo.

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