Night nurse? Live in nanny

[VAi73]

Hello,

We are expecting and considering our childcare options.
To be frank I am uncomfortable discussing this as women I have discussed this with in the past have been extremely judgmental about the idea of me thinking/wanting a nanny and/or a night nurse.
My husband as a very demanding job shift job (including nights, bank holidays, weekends...etc) so I will basically be going solo on this.

I would like to get real/honest opinions from parents is this something you would recommend? (budget as already been allocated for this).
What are the things to look out for?
We are thinking live-in nanny she will be working Mondays-Fridays 9am- 7pm
Night nurse the first 3 months 8pm-8am.
The idea is to have stand by help having someone watching the baby while I cook, have shower, nap.
Just to be clear I will be fully taking of my child I just want to have help when and if I need.

Thank you 🙏

Do you really think you'll need round the clock support?

Do you have a disability requiring this?

Will you not have time to bond just you and the baby? Or are you hoping to get back into work asap?

And personally with that money I'd rather have paid someone else to cook/do housework etc so I could have the baby rather than the other way around.

You develop your own rhythm..

Great if you can afford it! How much budget have you set aside? Do you have a separate en-suite bedroom for the live in nanny to live in? And a separate bed for the night nanny in: near the baby’s room in addition to this (since it sounds like you’re considering having both at the same time?)
It seems an excessive amount of help to me for one newborn baby to be honest. You’ll probably be fine with less help. But if you want and can afford it that’s your business !

You will get a lot of salty replies on this because not everyone can afford it!
If you can and you don't feel it will affect your bond with baby then go for it.

I definitely second the PP who said you’ll want help with the household chores cleaning etc not the baby. And a nanny might resent doing this, while you look after the baby. A nanny/housekeeper would be much better- make it clear upfront how much of the childcare you want them to actually do, a nanny is going to expect to do most of the looking after the baby

I couldn't imagine having strangers hanging around the house when I was looking after my babies never mind leaving them to look after my newborn. You'll be fine.

Honestly - I think that sounds great. I had a night nanny 8-6 with my second and it was epic. She was a wonder and it didn't affect our bond at all.

Our day nanny was live out but 8-6, but my DH was hands on and did bedtime with our eldest. The challenge was cluster feeding evenings coinciding with bed/ bath time which wouldn't have been physically possible. I say go for it. I wanted to enjoy my second (my last) not just survive. Having help made so much difference.

When are you planning to return to work? If it's >6 months I'd skip the night help and get some day help in the form of cleaning, shopping while you settle into a routine..

Oh and I forgot to add we increased our cleaners hours too. If you can afford it, it's great to just be able to focus on healing from the birth, establishing feeding and enjoying newborn cuddles.

I would and have for my DC2.
We didn’t with Dc1 as didn’t know enough about it as an option really…

I am using my bonus to fund 3 months of night nanny for 4 nights per week.

i got a night nanny only because… money and also the “help “ I want is rest and sleep.

I don’t want to have people under my feet in the day and day time newborn are fine lots of sleeping not too much drama.

for food i just got lions prep for the first month and then loaded the freezer with “Cook” dinner.

the cleaner will come 2 x per week and do bedding on top of the usual for 3 months.

and laundry is fine to do around the baby as I like to stay in / keep it local during newborn stage.

if you can afford it do it.
i have prioritised saving for it this pregnancy as I know what support I want

Exactly this. I did this with both mine . I found it much better to have the sleep and then be up for everything the next day brings.

If you feel you need it and you can afford it then absolutely. But I would just ask if you’re normally quite anxious or worried person, or if you have any additional things that would make caring for your child difficult? It does seem a lot to need 2 adults in charge of one baby for 22 hours of the day. Presumably at other points if dh is there you’ll have 3 adults caring for the one child. It just seems a lot and maybe unnecessary - I don’t mean that judgementally, you do what works for you but if I were your sister or friend I’d just want to check if you were panicking a bit about your own ability, and trusting yourself and instead I’d want to help you with your confidence to parent on your own. I’d also worry you may not feel like you have autonomy of your child or like you can learn to parent how you want, if there’s always someone more experienced there to defer to. If it were me personally, I’d rather put the money to a cleaner / housekeeper, a food subscription service and a nanny that comes for a couple of hours, so you can get a break if you need it. Or even an au pair or something where there’s some cultural and language benefits too.

Are you planning to breastfeed? I am a midwife and used to go on home visits to wealthy families in Central London. Be mindful that a night nurse might try to put your baby in a routine to make her life easier. Routines are detrimental to breastfeeding. Also you might surprise yourself how much time you will actually want to spend with your baby once hormones properly kick in after birth. I suggest you go for plain domestic help during the day and look after your baby yourself. One doesn't need special qualifications to mind the baby if you need a nap in the afternoon

We had a night nanny with our second and it was honestly the best decision we've ever made. I breastfed my DS so still had to wake up once in the night to pump to make sure I kept my supply. Luckily I had a lot of milk so it didn't take long to pump. The night nanny would feed DS with a bottle of expressed milk. DS has always been a fantastic sleeper and I think that's largely due to the routine the night nanny helped us get into. And I should add I'm still breastfeeding him now at almost 18 months old so it didn't negatively impact BF.

This is interesting as I now have a lot of friends who used night Nannies.

they all told me the same thing about the various ones they recommended which was… “NN prefer bottle fed but if you breastfeed it’s no big deal they just bring the baby to you”

4 of the women (who all used different night nannies) BF their kids until 12/15/18m/whenever….

maybe it’s a north
london thing???

A night-nanny is fabulous if you can afford it.

I wouldn't do the live-in daytime nanny at this stage. for the first 6 months or so, you & baby can go out to baby groups / parks / cafes in the day and spend time together. A day-time nanny would be a bit like a third wheel.

I'd hire a cleaner / housekeeper to do 2 hours per day including things like baby's laundry and keeping the house in good shape. then you can enjoy your baby.

When baby gets a bit older, you might want to have a nanny for a few days per week.

Reading comments I should have been clearer that we would look at hiring nanny/housekeeper.
We currently have a cleaner but I think to make things more efficient the person should be able to help with household and/or baby if needed.
I am planning to return to work 3 months after baby arrives (if everything goes well postpartum) due to the nature of my job.
But I will hope to be able to work fully remote so that will give me 6 months at home.

As people mentioned I will have to think about the best routine as I would like to breastfeed. Maybe I can have the nurse 3-4 times a week