I think I have upset my childminder...

[mylittlepudding]

My cheque was returned today in the nappy bag, reminding me that

1. I have to pay for bank holidays (I had only put 4 days pay on for this week) DD won't be going on Friday (maybe she will now!) so I am a bit surprised. 2)She has decided to start charging me for being late (I am a doctor... and I'm not surprised, just would have been nice to be told face to face) Sigh. I try to be nice, I always ring if I will be late, I take DD on time, etc,etc, - what am I doing wrong? I thought we had a reasonable relationship, and obviously going back to work and effectively being a single parent means I am very dependent on her. How can I make this better?

Be on time. How often are you late? It used to really annoy our nursery if people were late.

Get a new childminder?
I'm on my own and use a CM one day a week for ds2, with both boys attending nursery the rest of the week. My CM is fab, really lovely, rounds down payments, waits weeks for the money sometimes, doesn't charge for her hols or bank hols.
Whenever I read the threads on here I realise just what a star she is

I'm confused your dd does or doesn't usually go on Fridays, if she does and it's in your contract that you have to pay for bank holidays then you need to pay for Friday as normal.

Is it in your contract about late payments, it usually is?

To make it better I would apologise, if you are often late it would be better to agree and pay up to a later time and then sometimes be able to collect her early IYSWIM

Oh dear. She does sound a little fed up! However, I think she was a bit off just putting the cheque back in the bag. Apart from anything else, she stuffed herself up, because now she won't have any money for the weekend!

Very poor practice not to discuss things face to face too. I think I would give her a call and clear the air and actually discuss what she wants from you (and what you want from her too.) I don't think that unreasonable. If she thinks it is, then you may have to review your childcare arrangements.

Ha ha - it's not that easy to be on time when you still have a patient on the table with their abdomen open, bleeding at 5pm.

There is a thing about late payments, she said to me she didn't enforce it unless I didn't let her know. She has days off here and there which I obviously stil pay for so she said she was happy for it to even out, which it more than does.

She does go on Fridays, but there is no clause re bank holidays. I don't get paid for bank holidays!

Sigh. Thanks, PotC, but they are not in good supply - and this lady is good, kind, and my dd likes it there.

Also, CarGirl - good idea abt a later finish time. But not telling the boss - who is usually responsible for me finishing late!

have you thought about a live-in au-pair or nanny?

I'm a childminder. All I can suggest is that, she may just have had a bad day, and was feeling up against it, and you got the brunt. I definately think you need to talk to her, and deffo check yr contract. I don't charge if I don't have the kids, unless it's a last minute cancellation, in which case wd b half rate, but she may have stipulated that she does

mlp, unless you're working in the private sector exclusively, you do get paid for Bank Holidays. I'm in the same line of work as you, and you just have to arrange your time so your child can be picked up. My dd used to go to a nursery that closed at 6pm, and in 4 years I was only late once, and that was due to an RTA which held me up en route. I was able to phone from the car (stationary traffic) and a nice nn stayed with dd till I got there.

Now she goes to a cm who finishes at 5.30 and I have never yet been late....it takes some organising, but it can be done.
Don't start an operation that might not be finished on time. Have the cm phone number on the wall by the phone, so someone can phone her if things go pear-shaped and you can't avoid being late. Speak to your bosses about flexible working- in your situation they cannot refuse any reasonable requests.

Or, find a cm very near to your workplace so you don't spend ages travelling to get to her. Find a cm who can work into the evenings, if necessary. Look into nurseries, they are often more flexible, due to higher staffing......there are lots of things you can do.

If you are happy with your cm, do everything in your power to keep her happy- don't argue about bank holidays; she should be paid for them, end of story. It is reasonable to charge you for lateness- you are impinging on her free time. I would discuss this with her and make it clear that when your lateness is unavoidable, you are happy to pay her overtime.

You're right, I guess I don't mind being charged, just wish it could have been a more verbal discussion! That - I really wouldn't have minded, and it should be so from the start.

tissy - you're a consultant aren't you? As a trainee I don't really have, or feel I have anyways, the choice about these sorts of things. A chat with my boss maybe? I could do, but a decent reference at the end???

I guess a later finish - 6pm, to give me the chance to leave late(r) would give me the chance to be on time much more, if you like.

I get days in lieu of bank holidays worked, don't I? Am on nights all weekend, so I hope so! I think I was just a bit grumpy with that. It's the communication. I feel like I've really tried, but maybe I just need to try some more.

Honestly, single mother, obs and gynae trainee, terminally ill mother - I am pulled in too many directions just now!

nametaken - can't really afford - the money just doesn't seem to go that far!

I think your best course of action is to arrange a meeting over a cup of tea and sort out a proper contract so she is happy, you know where you stand and everyone's needs are considered. If you value her you need to keep her sweet but equally she needs to realise that work doesn't always end bang on time, especially in your line of work, and some flexibility her end is essential - or you'll need to find someone else.

Good luck.

Message withdrawn

mlp- you seem to have plenty of reasons to push for more flexibility, but surgical training is difficult to organise your life round, I agree.

If your boss is sympathetic, then, yes, a chat with your boss is the first step. Failing that, the CD of the dept or an HR Manager. Most trusts call themselves "family friendly" and should be able to organise something for you. You shouldn't have to sacrifice a decent reference in order to arrange childcare, and if you think that may be the case, then definitely speak to HR first.

We have a middle grade whose wife died leaving him with 2 young children. He no longer does any on-call nights or weekends. I imagine he has taken a pay cut, but the hours be organised if necessary.

Who looks after your dd when you are on nights?

i would suggest a way to make it better -
COMMUNICATION - why didn't you just phone her and have a grown-up chat?

what contracts does she use? I'm really surprised there is nothing about bank holidays in your contracts or that you didn't at least discuss them when you talked terms & conditions.

if she uses ncma contract theres a piece on the second (i think) page saying rate inclusive of bank ho.lidays??..i charge for muine but dont work them, if i ever did work them they would be charged at double normal rate..however i have never charged full rate for xmas and boxing day or NY day as i want to be off these days and cut parents slack.

You do need to SPEAK to her, say you hadnt not paid on purpose, you didnt know you had to and can she please clear it up for you, go back through contract and also mention late fees(if shes off and you pay, you should stop apying i dont know any cm who charges for sick/odd days off!..get it clear and straight forward and then go from there!

As everyone has said, a chat will clear the air. She should have spoken to you face to face anyway, but could've been having a bad day.

As a cm, if I had a mother who was working shifts I would need to know if there were times when she may be late. And if it became a problem then I would suggest a later pick up time in the contract rather than a late fee. At the end of the day you would probably be better off making the pick up time 6pm and paying the extra bit of time then paying late fees (which can be expensive depending on your cm!) on a regular basis. And on the days you pick dd up earlier she will be glad of an early finish!! I know I am anyway!

Hope it sorts out for you!

I think we both probably had a bad day! Our children have been sick, we both have too, tired, etc,etc. She has three children to get to bed is why I didn't ring last night.

We seem to be doing a bit better today. Thank you for all your help on this. I seem to be so barely holding everything together just now! But this seems to be one less issue to worry about.

well done you for recognising the issues, a good cm is hard to find so it is worth trying to keep the relationship on good terms. Ask her to discuss/suggest anything to make things work better from her point of view.

Can you do the voucher scheme? You save on tax and they get paid straight into their ban account.

I think she's mostly got the arse about the late thing tbh - which is no excuse for her not talking to you face to face. Returning the cheque makes her look a bit stroppy.

I think you need to firm up the agreement re: lateness. I suspect she had very different expectations to the reality of the situation, ie the nature of your job, and you need to know what the bank holiday policy is too, and why it's not in the contract.

Sorry about your mum

Hi

I do agree that she really should have discussed these things face to face rather than letting you find them in the nappy bag. Regardless of how bad her day is, I personally don't think that was very professional....

As far as the late thing goes, I would also charge extra if it was becoming a regular occurance but would give a "warning" first so that you are at least aware that it is becoming a problem. Maybe like the pp's said it may just be a case of changing the finishing time with her to allow for you over-running. I can certainly see how in your line of work it is very hard to just drop everything at home-time so maybe you can both compromise somewhere along the line.

A friendly chat over a cuppa definitely seems in order

I have been childminding for 2 doctors, and one of the main reasons for choosing a childminder was that flexibility was needed because of the nature of their jobs.

We had a contract stating contracted hours, but we did discuss the fact that pick-up could be considerably later, and a phone call to warn me really might not be possible.

It certainly was inconvenient at times, but it was discussed, and it was my choice as to whether this was going to acceptable to me. If it wasn't, then I would not have taken on the job.

I would suggest having a nice friendly chat with your childminder, find out exactly what she wants re. lateness (along the lines of - is it OK to be late if you make a phone call, or if you pay her a higher hourly rate, or are you never allowed to be late?) You can't really decide what to do unless she tells you what she wants.

has she never ever mentioned you being late before