Co parenting

[Winnie1965]

Does anyone have any advice on a fair schedule for 21 month old when parents split not married and father insists on 50/50 split even though he works full time 4 days a week she works part time 2 days a week without having to constantly transport little one backwards and forwards (1hr round trip)
Surely common sense dictates it can't be done 50/50 due to work commitments.

How is he planning to manage this when he's working? Will he be putting the child into nursery? I mean, ideally, I think 50/50 is a good idea and if it is done right, is probably good for the child to have equal relationship with both parents but as you say, there are some practicalities here.

Cynically, lots of men want 50/50 so they don't have to pay CMS. But he WOULD be responsible for childcare costs during his time.... might be worth reminding him of that. I hope he's not planning to have the child overnight while you look after him during the day?

I don't think 50/50 is ever particularly in the best interests of the child and a lot of men use it to get out of paying CMS. Ask him how he is planning on having the child whilst working and get him to think about a schedule. If it didn't work for the mother or child then to be honest, I would tell him to take you to court.

Make sure that 50/50 doesn't mean you pay for nursery and he picks child up at 6pm. 50/50 means he pays 50% of nursery costs (he can use one near his home) Also make sure that you get every other weekend so you get some relaxation time with your child. If child is ill then he has to take time off to look after child if it's his day. Should be obvious but many would expect their part-time working ex to take over.

I think that 50/50 won't be possible once your child is in school. When it's 50/50, the parent who has more weeknights usually gets to apply to a school near their house but check your local council rules. I think that a court would decide which address is used if parents have 50/50 weeknights.

yes to the above. There was a thread the other day where a poster's ex wanted "50/50" but his plan was that SHE would continue to do all the school runs and after school care.

Also, what is his current involvement like currently? Is he a good day, involved, able and wiling to do all the day to day stuff?

Isn't that too far a distance for 50/50 anyway? How would school work?

My own 50/50 schedule is this

Friday - Sunday incl: Alternates every 2nd week
Monday: Always Mom
Tuesday: Always Dad
Wednesday + Thursday: Whoever does not have DS for the weekend.

Just to add that we are 100% responsible, including financially, for all of DC care when with us.

Obviously there's five and take and we are flexible with changing days to an extent. We have been doing this 10years and seems to work for DC which is the main concern.

Agree with above. Come up with a fair schedule, making it clear that he's responsible for 50% of the childcare costs, and see if he still wants 50/50. Is there a nursery halfway between you so one person drops off and the other picks up and it's only a 30 min journey for DC each way?

Hi seems that is what he has decided so have been told what mediation company he's going with just feel he is rejecting my suggestions either because of money or to spite me as now insisting on an extra day in which he has said he would put him in nursery or wanting every sat .
I just feel things are spiralling and going at an alarming rate to say it's only been 6 weeks and no schedule has actually been tried properly and yet again threatened with legalities

You haven't answered any of the questions re the specifics of what he wants so it's very difficult to advise.

Overall though, the child's best interests will be taken into account. it seems very unlikely that as you are currently the primary caregiver, and work part time, that he could ask for MORE than 50% of the time.

Ditto, very few child arrangements would default to an assumption that either parent would have the child exclusively on weekends as that would impact time with the parent, as well as with broader family/community. Every other weekend, even if overall split is 50/50 would be far more common.

Why are you only working part time? Are you asking him to pay more maintenance to facilitate that? that is unlikely to be considered as a legitimate factor. the assumption would be that if you had 50/50 care, you would work more as you would not need to be looking after the child all of the time.