Babies in backs of vans ...

[cavmum27]

Hi

My MIL has my LB every Thursday at our house but now wants to take him back to hers every week which is about 45 mins away. Whilst I think it's a bit of a waste of time doing all of the travelling, I do understand wanting to be at her own home sometimes.

The thing is, she only has her works van, and I just don't like the thought of my LB being in the back of her cleaning van? He's only ever travelled in a car.

I'm not sure why I feel how I do, and I have communicated my feelings, but she's really pushing to go back to hers in the van.

Am I being unreasonable saying I don't like him going in the back of the van?

Is it being a van that freaks you out, or her driving?

Does her van allow car seats in the back? Could he sit in the front?

Assuming he will be in a properly fitted car seat then I can’t see why it would make a difference?

I assume you mean a van with seats? If so I don’t see how a van is any different to a car? What specifically are you worried will be the risk?

cant you collect/drop off if you don’t want him in the van?

I take it she has proper seats and belts inbthe back. Is the cleaning equipment out of reach and stored securely

What’s the issue and why is the van part relevant? Is she a terrible driver who is planning to put the car seat loose in the back next to the vacuum cleaner or something?

If it's a van where baby can be strapped in safely for n seats then I don't see the issue. If it's a roofer's transit van full of tools and your kid is let in the back to sit on buckets then no. And the latter happened with my then 9 year old. She had a sleepover and before I could pick her up/her walk home, the dad dropped her and her mate off at mine from the back of his work's van

what is LB ?
what age ?

No she's not a terrible driver at all 😅

There are seats in the back of the van, but it's quite dark and dingy with no windows. The cleaning stuff is stored away (I think). She's going to buy a seat.

He's 13 months, so he is young. Like I said I can't really explain why I feel how I do, so that's why I came here for some perspective.

Thanks.

If there's an appropriate car seat for him, what's the issue?

I can't drop / collect because she lives 45 mins away with no traffic. I start at 8am so getting to hers at rush hour would be a 2 hour round trip, which is why she was coming to us.

Like I said, it's just dark and not particularly nice in the back of a works cleaning van. So it's not an issue, it's just how I feel.

If you're not comfortable with MILs suggestion OP, then that's a perfectly valid reason to say no. You are the parent, you decide. Also if her house is 45 minutes away, does that mean that your DC will have to do 2 x 45 minute unnecessary car journeys in the evening just to MIL can have her way? It'd be a no from me.

How long is the journey, I think it would be fine unless he's travelling for a long road trip.

I'm not sure I'd be keen on my child doing regular long journeys in the back of a van without windows. Wouldn't bother me if it was a needs must one off but it's not what I'd choose for a regular basis type thing.

Is there a back seat that the car seat can be safely fitted into?

As long as the car seat could be installed safely, I wouldn’t have issue with the van.

Id be more bothered by 2 unnecessary 45 minute driving sessions. That also seems silly for your MIL. She’s going to be driving for over 3 hours.

Yep - I've said this too. It's not possible for us to drop him off as the round trip will take just shy of 2 hours which nobody wants to do before or after work, and it's unfair on my LB.

So she is now coming to get him, take him back, and then bring him back later. The journey is very traffic heavy at rush hour so can take longer than 45 mins each way.

I've said he can go to nursery as that's a 5 min drive from my office!

2 x 45 minute unnecessary car journeys in the evening just to MIL can have her way?

I’m assuming the MIL is actually doing childcare for op who starts work at 8am, I’m guessing she could equally say op can find alternative childcare. Looking after an active DC is far easier in your own home.

I think probably you feel the way you do because it's different to "normal" and that can make us question whether something is right.

I think I'd offer she borrow your car seat and do a trial to see how it goes. I'd be thinking about access in the event of a crash (disclaimer: I have no idea about the layout of vans). I'd also be thinking about danger naps on the way home, particularly if it's dark!!

X post. Just do that then op, it will save all the travelling.

I'd want to see if her insurance covers children in works van, cosh (sp?) reports on the chemicals she is carrying and risks to health. Risk assessment (baby on board sign to alert emergency crews in the event of an accident etc).

Approach in a businesslike maner. Its a pain in the arse. She asked and you can also say no and of needed request notice so you arrange alternative care.

Goodluck

I tried, she's adamant she wants her day with him.

The real reason for her taking him back to hers is because my husbands step father, her husband, is very controlling and would rather she was there with him, than her here without him ... I can't say this though.

It's ok to turn down a favour if the favour causes you more bother than it's worth.

Yes I've also said about the danger naps 😩

Why can’t she turn off an airbag and sit little one in the front with her?

Make sure she’s getting a good quality and safe car seat from somewhere better than Halfords/ smyths!