3.5 year old daughter does not like one of her nursery

[Dee087]

My daughter who is 3.5 year started nursery last year with 3 hour morning sessions Monday-Friday and she has enjoyed it from day one, never cried during drop off not even on the first day. But we had a phase in between where she did not like it and was hesitant to go. From this September, she started with her school nursery for 3 days(8.30-1PM) a week and the rest 2 days in her previous nursery. She was very excited to start with the new nursery and was so proud to go to 'Big School'. But that excitement did not last long, first week she was okay but after that she has started to dislike it. Everyday morning she will ask if he is going to 'NurseryName' (her previous setting), but when I says it is the new one she becomes very upset(no tears but still I can see the anxiety in her little face). She don't say why she dislikes it though, but from what she tells I think it is to do with she having no friends there, most of the children were there from last year and they already have small groups who play together,and she is being left out. She is our only child and all our extended family are outside of UK, so the only time she get to interact closely with her peers is at the nursery setting. I can see that she is not confident at her new setting, but she is back to herself when she is at home and at her other nursery. Does anyone had similar experiences, and share any ideas how to deal with it. I am thinking of moving her back fulll days to her previous nursery, she is very happy there. But she eventually will be going to the school where her new nursery is. So it will mostly be the same children in the reception and she might phase the same problem then. She is not fluent in English for her age as we speak different language at home, but she understands it will well and communicates with some grammatical errors, not sure if that is causing her issues with making friends at the new nursery. I will be grateful for any replies, really can't bear to see my confident little girl losing her character.

My daughter started the local school nursery last Jan and loved it. As she’s a September birthday she’s had to remain in the same class whilst her fiends have moved up to reception. There’s no one she genuinely wants to be friends with in her new class and it was making her feel miserable.

I’ve moved her back to the childminders for mornings and then she goes to nursery in the afternoon where’s she’s kept busy with activities like reading or PE. She’s a lot happier now I’ve moved her

I would move her back to where she is happy. There will be other children staying reception with her then and going full time will make a difference. There's no rush to prepare children for big school. Think about what her needs are now. Hope it all works out.

Without wanting to sound unkind, it can be quite unsettling for children to be attending two different nurseries.
It's not really thought to be in the child's best interests.
I am sure that if she were to just attend the new school nursery that she would settle in.
At the moment she is maybe thinking about the other nursery and could be puzzled as to why things seem different, it's a lot for her to have to process.

Thanks for all the replies. We have two option, first one is to move her back to her previous setting and second is to move her completely to the school nursery for Monday-Friday. I am leaning to the first one as she loves it there and I think there is a better chance for her to interact with peers and improve her communication skills(in English). The pros of moving to the school nursery is that she will be accustomed to the environment when she starts reception. I am seriously sailing on two boats now, but really think being in two different settings is not helping her. Is it ok if she does not attend the school nursery and goes to reception directly, will she find it difficult to make friends as most of the children together since the nursery. For her the only interaction she gets with her peers is from the nursery as we do not have any extended family here and most of our friends does not have children, so I am worried that the rejection she is facing from her new nursery will alter her confidence. The other day we were at the play park and one little boy similar to her age was playing in the see-saw, she wanted to join and asked me if she can join to. I asked her to check with the him and she said if she asks he is going to say no like her friends in the nursery. I felt so bad for her, not sure how to help her with the situation.For her everything is based on her interaction with others especially her peers,I am hoping that by the time she starts reception she will be able to handle rejection from her peers without losing her confidence and she will thrive in the reception.

Have you spoken to the school nursery about this? That should be your first step. She maybe just needs a bit of help finding some friends. I'd be reluctant to pull her out so soon. I'd give it until Christmas and see how it goes.

Could you approach some of the other parents about a playdate outside of school? Is there anyone there who speaks your home language? That may be a good place to start as it gives you and the children a bit of a starting point.

Also, most adults can't handle being rejected by their peers without it impacting their confidence so don't expect to much from her!

I would invite some of the new nursery and their mums to your house for a coffee/play date . Maybe a Saturday morning - as children won’t be tired then . Join school PTA and make friends yourself at the school too .