Grandparents looking after your DC - do you pay them?

[tiredAli]

At the moment my mum looks after DS half a day a week, she loves it and looks forward to it. At the moment, we 'repay' her by taking her out for the odd nice meal, or cooking for her and dad occasionally or little gifts. From Sept she will be looking after DS for a whole day a week. As this is a greater commitment I've been thinking whether I should offer something more than this.
What's the done thing?

my parents looked after my nephew 3 full days a week, including overnight to help my brother & wife out - they never paid them a penny - she even took him to all his apts/classes and bought him clothes and toys in ridiclious amounts
he is now at school so now they look after his new puppy on mondays and fridays

I think its lovely you're even considering it - maybe have a quiet word and say you realise you're asking a lot (although in comparison I don't think you are) and would she like something in return

maybe she does it as it keeps her young and she genuinely enjoys company of your ds

My nan looked after me and my brother when we were small, and my mum "paid" her by sending up food with us both for our meals and for my nan, as well as meals out and if any day trips happened, paying some of the cost. my nan didn't always accept the "payments" but I'm pretty sure she was pleased she had the option.

Not quite the same but my SIL helps out with childcare over the school hols for me. I asked re payment and she said no so instead I treat her to new books, perfume, wine etc - things that she doesnt buy herself often so that she knows how much I appreciate her help.

Before DS started school, she had him 3 days a week whilst I worked for which I was eternally grateful for - I used to buy my niece and nephew clothes or trainers or toys in thanks as well as treating her. It meant the children got the "extras" like character clothing that they didnt normally get and everyone was happy.

Whether a treat or money, the most important thing for me is that the person helping out knows how much it is appreciated.

I do pay my parents - I simply set up a standing order for them. My parents have in the past looked after my nephews & nieces without payment though and they were a bit reluctant at first to take the money. I just stonewalled them when they brought it up and said I wouldn't discuss it. I feel much more comfortable with this because I know they don't have much money and not much free time either. It also means that I don't feel 'indebted' to them in any way (just extremely grateful that my DC's are in the company of someone who adores them)

I pay them the same as a nursery would cost for a day.

If you pay them it is rather complicated - they have to be registered as childminders and declare the pay etc AFAIK

My mum looks after the children for about 3 hours a week. I 'pay' my mum a set amount each month for petrol (at 40p a mile) plus all food for the day plus whatever other expenses - and take her out often. We also cook her dinner on the day she looks after them.

I don't pay mine or my in-lawa who both look after ours.

Perhaps I'm lucky, my parents are comfortable so they don't need the money. The in-laws aren't so comfy, but aren't poor. But I do pay them in putting up with them. DH's first wife wouldn't have anything to do with them so at least I've given them some grandchildren!

Ds goes one full day a week. He loves it and they love having him. It is the highlight of their week, and I think they are thrilled that we want them to have so much involvement in DS's upbringing.

We don't pay them, but I think that is partly because they are comfortable financially - if they weren't I would insist.

I always send Ds with plenty of food and nappies, and make sure that we treat them to a good meal out now and again.

I think it depends on your relationship, their income, and your relative levels of stubborness. There is no way MIL would accept payment.

MIL used to look after DD once a week between the ages of 6 months and 4.5 years when she went to school, term time only. She asked if she could look after her (DD went to nursery 2 days a week at out choice0 and we said yes. She didn't want to be paid though, she just wanted the chance to spend quality time with her grandchild regularly She was already retired so the financial issue didn't really come into it anyway.

Both PILs and my parents babysit quite regularly and never for payment.

My dd goes her to grandparents for one full day a week. They would NEVER accept payment for it from us even though we did offer (although the in turn makes things harder with having to be a registered childminder if you accept money).
They have done it for almost 3 years now and love having her, which is why they do it. They also have my nephew one day a week to so wouldn't want payment for that either.

Can I just correct something (sorry morningpaper). A grandparent caring for their grandchild does not need to be registered childminder - see Care Standards Act 2000, 79A (3).

Agree, grandparents don't have to be registered as cildminders, regardless of pay. There is an exemption for close relatives as the carer.

Agree, grandparents don't have to be registered as cildminders, regardless of pay. There is an exemption for close relatives as the carer.

my mum looks after ds for 2 days a week, and more if I get more days at work in a particular week. I wanted to pay her childcare rates, and we had long negotiations about that, with her downright refusing. In the end, I give her £60 a month (about £7 a day!!!) , which is much less than I wanted to pay her! I don't know what I would do without her tbh, and ds adores her.

Thank you so much for all the responses! putting DS to bed now, will read all in detail shortly!!

Aren't grandparents great?!
Mum and dad are comfortably off and adore having DS around. I think I'll offer so much a day, knowing full well they'll refuse, and then make sure she gets petrol money and other things covered. At the moment she comes here to look after DS and I think when she has him a full day she'll take him home to their house. I also think one of the reasons she offered to have him for the full day (rather than him go to nursery for another day) is that with a full day you can do more, I think she's got days out planned so I can make sure I pay for entrance fees and such like. Thank you for your suggestions, it's helped ease my conscience a bit!

My mum had my DD for about three months for two half days while we were in between childcare - and I offered to pay her (they are quite well off) but I pitched it that it was 'out of pocket' expenses such as petrol, etc, but she refused. She said it was part of her 'job' as a grandparent! I was very grateful (not that money was an issue as we had been paying £100 a week), so I put the money away and bought her a few pressies over the months - Mothers Day and birthday etc, and the rest was put towards our summer hols!