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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Consistency for DC with childcare

20 replies

jellybeanathome · 30/09/2023 21:47

We are VERY fortunate to have family who are all willing to do a day a week of childcare when I return to work in a few months. We have brilliant family who have been involved and interested in DC since day one, and I trust all of them with DD completely.

But I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about the consistency, routine and logistics of DD being with a different person each day of the week (it'll be me one day, my parents one day, in-laws one day, DD's aunt one day and nursery one day). I know it'll all settle and the routine will come in time, but has anyone been in a similar situation and could offer some hints and tips about how to make my return to work as easy on DD and our families as possible?

So far, we've discussed:

sharing a schedule so everyone knows when food / bottles / naps need to be.
sharing key info on 'what to do if...' situations. (Things like how to sterilise the dummies...)
having a few change bags that are set up and ready for the next day.
batch cooking for us and for DD.
having a stock of the basics at each house (eg powdered milk)

Any suggestions would be gratefully received!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Arewethebadguys · 30/09/2023 21:54

Look I don't want to pee on your chips, being lucky enough to have lots of family offers of help is amazing and your daughter is obviously very loved. I just think that's too many people for any consistency.

My friend had inlaws 2 days, their parents 3 days then when child turned 3 had parents, inlaws and nursery. Could just be this particular child but she hasn't developed good social skills with peers and now will always seek out adult company instead of children. Not saying this will happen but it's something to consider. Sorry, just the thought of this as an adult is quite a lot, nevermind a baby.

I hope you get some good advice but I'd be thinking about nursery or family for more than one day per week.

Good luck

KateyCuckoo · 30/09/2023 21:55

I think that's a lot to ask of a baby.

Also, don't send patronising notes about how to sterilise a dummy...

jannier · 30/09/2023 23:25

Too many people don't forget it's any other adults in the house too....so you and your partner, two sets of grandparents, aunty and partner makes 8 then another 4 or more at nursery no time to make a secure bond. Each set will have different parenting styles as well and may not match yours.
Babies need a secure attachment to their main carers it's just not going to happen. Generally advice is to use no more than 2 childcare settings.
Maybe consider a childminder it may be cheaper and reduce the number of adults a week then ask grandparents to do fill ins and one day alternate weeks. ....it's hard to be childcare respecting the parents wishes and a grandparent loving to treat your grandchild it's also much harder physically as you get older.

Snickerrs · 01/10/2023 08:19

It’s really hard for children to settle in nursery when they go just one day a week- if you can afford not to, please reconsider. A lot of nurseries I’ve worked in just don’t allow it now.
Your family sound amazing though!

thevegetablesoup · 01/10/2023 08:22

You need to accept that having lots of family help means relinquishing lots of control..........

LunaLoveFood · 01/10/2023 08:27

Check the nursery will allow 1 day. Lots don't as it's so difficult to get children to settle just 1 day a week.

NuffSaidSam · 01/10/2023 08:31

I think this will be too hard for your baby to deal with. Five days and five different sets of people, five different houses, five different cots for nap time, five different sets of toys etc. It's an awful lot to ask of her.

It's great that your family are so supportive, but I'd be asking of one of them could have her a few days a week and then maybe doing two days at nursery. Or doing four mornings at nursery and then having one set of adults pick her up at lunchtime and bring her home to your house for the afternoon.

If you do go ahead with it a big thing to think about is what you'll do when one of these people is ill or on holiday, or if your DD is ill.

PerfectMatch · 01/10/2023 08:33

It's brilliant to have such a helpful involved family. But I honestly think that one day a week at nursery just isn't enough to settle there and get any benefit from it. In fact many nurseries don't allow one day for exactly this reason. Is there any way you could juggle things so it's either two days or no days?

NuffSaidSam · 01/10/2023 08:37

The other thing to do (assume you've already done this, but just in case...) make sure you DD has been dropped of at these house, with these people at least a few times before you go back to work. I know she obviously already knows them, but has she spent the entire day at their house, without you? You need to make sure that works for everyone before you rely on it for childcare.

Think also about how her needs might change overtime, for example if she's not mobile yet, think about how safe everyone's house is for a crawling or walking toddler - do they need stair gates, for example? Do they need to affix a big TV to the wall? Do they have a lot of ornaments that will need to move from low shelves?

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 01/10/2023 08:39

Whilst it's lovely they want to help out I think this sounds like an absolute nightmare. Sorry!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 01/10/2023 08:40

Presumably she knows her grandparents and auntie and they’ve looked after her before? Sharing a rough schedule is a good idea, but I think you’ll have to accept everybody is going to do things slightly differently. How to guides for things like sterilising dummies seems awfully patronising, surely you just show someone once and that’s that.

Where are they looking after DD? From saying a stock of basics at everyone’s house is sounds like she’s going to their houses? It would probably be less disruptive to your DD if they could all come to your house and look after her there instead, at least then she only has two different places (your house and nursery) to get used to.

I’d also wonder if you could afford to put her in nursery for more than one day a week initially. Could you put her in 3 days for the first month or so until she settles and then once she’s made those bonds it’s nursery staff etc reduce her days so that family are looking after her more days? If she’s only going one day a week it could take months and months before she feels happy and comfortable there and gets to know the staff.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 01/10/2023 08:42

Do any of them have flexibility in terms of the day of the week they can have her? I would also go with two days in nursery because that will be the most different environment and the one which it is harder to prepare for. I would then have one or two of the involved sets of adults on reserve duty to cover if any of the other people can't do it. They will probably be called on a lot - they are not all likely to take the same holidays as you, they might be ill, she might be ill, something might happen.

I would probably go for you one day, aunt one day in-laws one day, nursery two days and parents as back up. Or have in-laws and parents alternative weeks with both sets as back up. Do check that they are willing to have her if she has a temperature, cold etc.

smallshinybutton · 01/10/2023 08:43

Have you already got the one day at nursery? A lot don't allow just one day.

I would seriously consider doing 2 or 3 at nursery. Its too much for a little one to be passed around like that.

I did 3 days nursery one day me one day my mum and I felt that was tricky enough.

daffodilandtulip · 01/10/2023 08:45

I would echo what everyone else has said. It's a lot to ask of baby, and a lot of "adult" time for her.

Also, the amount of enquiries I get that say "have you got a space to start next week, family were having baby but changed their mind."

PinkRoses1245 · 01/10/2023 08:52

thevegetablesoup · 01/10/2023 08:22

You need to accept that having lots of family help means relinquishing lots of control..........

This. If you want consistency and control, you have to pay for childcare. The trade off for free family childcare is that you have to accepted limited control. It sounds like you might do better with at least a few days paid childcare.

PinkRoses1245 · 01/10/2023 08:54

And it sounds like a lot more hassle for you, what about days when the person doing childcare is ill, on holiday, or just says no.

whattttttodo · 01/10/2023 08:54

I know someone who does similar and little boy is fine. If it was me I'd do two days nursery as one isn't a lot for settling. Then just have each gp on other days with dsis as back up.

I'd give everyone a basic routine naps etc. Then let them crack on. Micro managing will not be well received and presumably they will all have looked after baby before. You will have accept every one will do things their own way

RedHelenB · 01/10/2023 08:54

thevegetablesoup · 01/10/2023 08:22

You need to accept that having lots of family help means relinquishing lots of control..........

This Each caregiver will find their own way of managing the day best.

MIMemmy · 01/10/2023 09:13

It can be fine!
My kids had this kind of arrangement from 4 months old (we live in the Netherlands).
Nursery, GP1, me, GP2, dad.
Although they didn't start his one day at nursery after his first birthday. In the first year both sets of grandparents alternated the extra day.
They are both fine and have such a great bond with their grandparents.
No hassel if they sleep over now they are older because they have their own shared room.
Also absolutely no issue with interacting with other children.
Don't let people who haven't experienced this put you off.

whattttttodo · 01/10/2023 18:46

I think we scared op off

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