Parents moaning about childcare

[dippyflippy]

I have 2 children, age 10 and 7. They're pretty self sufficient and aren't hard to look after, especially if you chuck them some tech!
Occasionally though I need help from my parents with childcare. It's only things like dropping one to a dance class once a month if I'm running late at work, or collecting them from school occasionally and keeping hold of them for 30 mins max.
They're early 70s and in good health. Good enough health to socialise with friends a couple of times a week and go on days out/holidays.
They'll always agree to help me when I need it, but oh my god everything is such a drama.
They'll drop dd to dance class and then phone me to moan for 10 minutes about how busy the car park was, or drop my son to horse riding and complain for 15 minutes about how bumpy the farm track is.
They'll moan if the kids are 2 minutes late from school, or call up whinging for 15 minutes telling me they all got soaking wet as it was raining. It's really starting to irritate me that my mum in particular cannot do anything without whinging. I know I'm moaning and I'm lucky I have childcare when I need it, but has anyone noticed that as their parents have got older that everything is a drama.
She looked after my kids for 3 hours in the holidays one day and sent a text that was pure whinging -
The dogs been barking, I've had to answer your door twice for parcels, the kids have been watching tv for 3 hours solid and won't have a conversation with me, I can't unlock your lounge window, your bin smells and needs changing and the kids keep leaving the toilet roll on the sink instead of putting it back on the holder.
Surely it's not normal to sent rants like this? About literally nothing.

My best friend said something similar about her mum the other day to me.

But I think as parents, we don't see things from our parent's point of view. They are getting older so little things may be hard for them. I know some people will say yeah but they go out and socialise. Socialising and looking after kids are two different things.
My mum used to take care of my daughter 2 days a week whilst I was at work but when I saw it was getting hard for her, I stopped working. And my daughter was so low maintenance. Even my mum used to say she's easy to look after (as in she's not naughty & difficult). But as my mum gets older I can see things tire her out. When she was younger she used to look after my niece a lot but back then her health was much better.

I think when we become grandparents ourselves we will see it from their point of view.

It's great when grandparents can look after the kids but if they are complaining a lot, I think secretly they are struggling with it & would prefer not to. Best to try and find an alternative solution if you can.

"She might also be hinting that she wants more appreciation- maybe try lavishing on the appreciation and see if that reduces the moaning"
I agree with this. Also maybe things that don't bother you as a young healthy person, such as getting soaked or driving up a bumpy track, are more of a big deal to her. Not that she won't do it but she wants a bit of praise for all she went through for you.

but has anyone noticed that as their parents have got older that everything is a drama.

Yes, this does become a thing in many folk as they age. As their world becomes smaller, little things seem bigger.

But, you've sort of answered this in your post at 18:47 at the bottom of P1

She still does it though doesn't she...and you keep asking.

I just think they forget what it's like.

My in laws don't like helping out and my parents live too far away to help, but when they do, both sets say stuff like "why haven't you fixed that guttering, mowed your lawn, took that to the tip yet, put new sealant round the bath cos that ones a bit mouldy"

And I'm variously thinking "because I haven't had time yet, don't think the gardens that bad yet and dont give a shit about a speck of mould!"

They just have no clue what it's like. And they have all the time in the world to think about the inconsequential stuff that I don't even NOTICE.

Do you show her some appreciation?

Oh gosh, yes with the jobs as well! The patio needs power washing, you need to pull up those weeds, trim the rose bush back, clean the upvc window frames, scrub the muddy cat flap!!! We both work full time in fast paced jobs, have 2 kids and animals. I can barely scrub myself in the shower let alone a cat flap!!!

Sounds like she's just anxious to me. Maybe finds things a bit overwhelming.

My parents don’t moan but looking after DC is a big deal for them.

They are very set in their ways, for example they can’t be ready to leave the house before about 9am at the very earliest - it seems to take them an absolute age to get ready (whereas I could be out the house 5 / 10 minutes after getting up if I really needed to!)

My mum did a couple of hours with my daughter at an indoor play / softplay type place and she was very achy and uncomfortable afterwards and did complain about that, and if they have my 10 year old niece to stay they are exhausted for days afterwards (they refuse point blank to have my 5 year old to stay unless I stay too and do the childcare ).

When I stay with them (they live 5 hours away) with my 5 yo I am responsible for all the childcare - they don’t really offer to help. I occasionally ask them if I can pop out once she’s asleep for a quick run or swim or something. But I definitely don’t get to put my feet up while the grandparents entertain their grandkids like some of my friends do when they visit their own parents.

They are in their early 70s and not unfit or in poor health.

It is what it is.

My in laws in the other hand (who are also 70) will happily look after all their grandkids including overnight stays, 6am starts with the toddler, crawling through tunnels at softplay.

@Fishandchipsatthebeach tbf, if spending 2 hours at a soft play means your mum is aching afterwards, I’d say they are nowhere near as fit and healthy as you think.

@RedAndWhiteCarnations I would say it’s reasonable that the average 70+ year old would feel a bit achy after a couple of hours climbing through a softplay with a toddler

I don’t consider my parents especially fit - I just mean they are not especially unfit with no specific health issues or disabilities .

I’d say MIL is fit for 70. She still hikes miles up hills and plays sport

As they say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

@Fishandchipsatthebeach i agree. But that isn’t fit as in fit when you are 30~40yo iyswim.

I agree with you. I think it’s pretty normal for them to feel achy . Which also means I wouldn’t ask a 70yo to be crawling around at a soft play for two hours! Hell, I didn’t do it myself with my two dcs and I was in my 30s.

It us a very different situation than what the OP describes though. A physical limitation vs moaning about things the OP can’t do anything about (like to many prams at school 😂😂)