Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Parents moaning about childcare

38 replies

dippyflippy · 25/09/2023 17:12

I have 2 children, age 10 and 7. They're pretty self sufficient and aren't hard to look after, especially if you chuck them some tech!
Occasionally though I need help from my parents with childcare. It's only things like dropping one to a dance class once a month if I'm running late at work, or collecting them from school occasionally and keeping hold of them for 30 mins max.
They're early 70s and in good health. Good enough health to socialise with friends a couple of times a week and go on days out/holidays.
They'll always agree to help me when I need it, but oh my god everything is such a drama.
They'll drop dd to dance class and then phone me to moan for 10 minutes about how busy the car park was, or drop my son to horse riding and complain for 15 minutes about how bumpy the farm track is.
They'll moan if the kids are 2 minutes late from school, or call up whinging for 15 minutes telling me they all got soaking wet as it was raining. It's really starting to irritate me that my mum in particular cannot do anything without whinging. I know I'm moaning and I'm lucky I have childcare when I need it, but has anyone noticed that as their parents have got older that everything is a drama.
She looked after my kids for 3 hours in the holidays one day and sent a text that was pure whinging -
The dogs been barking, I've had to answer your door twice for parcels, the kids have been watching tv for 3 hours solid and won't have a conversation with me, I can't unlock your lounge window, your bin smells and needs changing and the kids keep leaving the toilet roll on the sink instead of putting it back on the holder.
Surely it's not normal to sent rants like this? About literally nothing.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

dippyflippy · 25/09/2023 17:14

I've started putting them in holiday clubs 5 days a week in the holidays as it's too much drama getting my parents to have them.
It's like she offers to look after them but if I take her up on it she acts like a martyr because it's been so inconvenient for her.

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 25/09/2023 17:15

So sort it out yourself so you don’t have to put up with it. Simple.

Debini · 25/09/2023 17:15

If you don’t like how they act then don’t ask for their help, simple.

Original poster

dippyflippy · 25/09/2023 17:16

I do 99% of the time. But sometimes I get caught in traffic and literally cannot get to school in time. This happens maybe once a month, if that. And my parents live 4 doors away from school.

OP posts:

Original poster

dippyflippy · 25/09/2023 17:17

I'm just more concerned about how negative she is.
She walked 4 doors down to grab my kids from school a few weeks ago and the rant was "there's buggies everywhere. People just stop in the middle of the pavement, it's very loud with kids screaming and the kids were let out 2 minutes later than they should have been"

OP posts:

DustyLee123 · 25/09/2023 17:19

I do wonder if you’ve got the moan genes from your mum, look at how many posts you’ve made about it.

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 25/09/2023 17:20

No Op it's not normal.
My mum has form sometimes for this too - but it was her who offered to help!

Original poster

dippyflippy · 25/09/2023 17:21

She offers to help to! But then moans about it. Maybe I'll just stop asking her. I'll ask another school mum to grab them for 10 mins, as I do the same for her occasionally.

OP posts:

Mummy08m · 25/09/2023 17:25

It sounds like it's just her personality- she likes to have a moan. You've got to not take it personally, it's nothing to do with being reluctant to do the favour itself.

I'm pretty guilty of moaning a lot too about little things. It's just a habit. All I need is "wow really? What a pain" or even DH just responds with a crying emoji and that's enough for me to feel validated lol

Notthisagainpart2 · 25/09/2023 17:30

Some people moan and don't realise that's what they're doing. If you really want to you could point it out and say "do you realise you complain about a lot of little things and it comes across a little negative?" and then at least she's aware but you could also just stop using their help.

DeliaOwens · 25/09/2023 17:42

There is an old MumsNet adage...when someone tells you who they are, listen.

Your parents sound like mine. They want to be seen to offer (and likely want to tell their pals) but in reality, they don't want to be put out and don't want the slight complications that arise.
So, make other arrangements, every single time. I am so happy I made the call for my own sanity. They are however, always moaning they don't see the grandchildren enough... (zips mouth shut, and silently screams into a cushion)

neilyoungismyhero · 25/09/2023 17:53

I was the default baby sitter for my grandchildren. I went above and beyond for quite some time. I help out with pick ups even now they're older when asked. I also am the default grandma for the beloved dog when he has the shits - do I mind? No..if I can help I will. If it puts me out I'll still do it. The reason being I'm not old bitter and frustrated - old yes- but perfectly happy to help my family out. It's what families do.

Theunamedcat · 25/09/2023 17:54

My mom would be like this she had the nerve to complain infront of her sister one day that she (willingly and totally her own idea) took her only grandchild out for a couple of hours (I didn't ask for clarification she called and begged to have her) she acted so hard done by and so outraged that my aunt gave her a few home truths she pointed out to her it was 1,her idea
2,her only grandchild
3,SHE always had family support with her children when we were growing up and she doesn't provide anything like that for me
4,she is a whinge bag who will drive her child and grandchild away
5, her grandchild would be in charge of putting her in a home

She was right about point 4 none of her grandchildren have much to do with her even the adult one they are polite but distant I believe my mother regrets her actions now but its too late

Original poster

dippyflippy · 25/09/2023 18:01

Yes, she constantly tells anyone who listens that she'll have her grandchildren at the drop of a hat (true) but she doesn't tell them that she moans about every little inconvenience.
And the fact that she makes it my fault "you do put us in a predicament don't you? Sending us down a dirt track which bumped us around everywhere when we only bought this car 18 months ago"
Like it's my fault that the track to a farm isn't tarmac, and my fault that people in buggy's get in her way, or people stop in the middle of the pavement, and my fault that the carpark is so busy at pick up time.

OP posts:

rwalker · 25/09/2023 18:04

I think because sometimes they don’t have much to do everything is an issue or a drama

NnarcissaMalfoy · 25/09/2023 18:25

Was she always this difficult and negative when you were growing up? I think other posters are being hard on you by saying just don't rely on them then- it's upsetting and draining to have this critical negative attitude when I'm sure you see other people's parents loving spending time with their grandkids. I would try to reflect on it with them if they're open to hearing the impact on you

NnarcissaMalfoy · 25/09/2023 18:26

She might also be hinting that she wants more appreciation- maybe try lavishing on the appreciation and see if that reduces the moaning

Happinessischeeseontoast · 25/09/2023 18:30

Can't you just say you're a right old moaner these days aren't you. I think it's a bad habit and it's good to have a reality check. Having a negative outlook on everything will put you on a downer so a little wake up call is a good thing.

hideundermyduvet2023 · 25/09/2023 18:33

DustyLee123 · 25/09/2023 17:19

I do wonder if you’ve got the moan genes from your mum, look at how many posts you’ve made about it.

😃😃😃😃

HauntedPencil · 25/09/2023 18:35

I know you'll get loads of posts saying tough don't ask be grateful but it dosnet sound like you ask an awful lot and this would annoy me.

DurhamDurham · 25/09/2023 18:38

My mum used to do this. She actually wanted to help, enjoyed having the children but the moaning never stopped. I think she just got into a habit of it, wanted to remind me of how much she put herself out and wanted thanks (which she got, each and every time, I never took her for granted). She's a bit of a martyr about everything these days, just seems to enjoy a moan after offering to do things for people.

Crimblecrumble1990 · 25/09/2023 18:40

Knew you would get the first couple of responses that you did. My mum is now a moaner also and it's extremely tiresome, I'm going to make every effort not to do the same as I age.

Today I asked if she wanted to go for a walk in the sunshine at 3pm as baby was up from a nap and heard a moan about how late it was and the day nearly gone etc. I had the whole afternoon ahead of me to fill before bed time so it certainly didn't feel that way to me!

Crimblecrumble1990 · 25/09/2023 18:41

Love her dearly though, just to add. :)

MintJulia · 25/09/2023 18:42

Of course she wants to tell you about it. It's probably the busiest afternoon she's had in months. It's very exciting !

Just let her tell you all about it, get it out of her system and then if necessary remind her that you have to cope with it every day.

Original poster

dippyflippy · 25/09/2023 18:47

I obviously love them both to bits, but yes I think it's because they are retired with no hobbies they like to dwell on every little inconvenience. She was never like this when she worked, but then I guess she had work to moan about!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2