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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Boyfriend in childcare setting

21 replies

Plunko · 31/08/2023 21:27

My childminder has a new boyfriend (after split from husband earlier this year).

Dropped my DS off at her house this morning and the boyfriend was there. He was also there when I picked DS up 7 hrs later.

The boyfriend does not live there.

Surely this isn't appropriate for him to be in the house when the children are there during the day?!

Would you raise it and say something? Was taken off guard today.

OP posts:

CuriositysCat · 31/08/2023 21:28

You would be well within your rights to raise this and ask to see evidence of DBS status.

purplebluediscorain · 31/08/2023 21:30

I wouldn’t like this to be honest, I mean family is different but this isn’t right. If she was still married etc and he was off to work and stuff.

i have a childminder and I’m sure she wouldn’t allow it to happen if she did have a new partner.

you are well within your rights to raise its

MBailey99 · 31/08/2023 21:39

No, this is not OK unless he is also a childminder, is DBS checked and you were made aware and consented to him being there.

My son spent 3 years with a childminder, 5 days a week, and her husband was DBS checked and rarely home. She asked me before he started if I was OK with her husband and 15 year old son being around. She never had anyone else in the house apart from Ofsted.

SmileyClare · 31/08/2023 21:46

Childminders must inform OFSTED (within 14 days) if any new adult is present in their homes or regularly visiting.

This is a safe guarding concern. She should have done this and informed all parents.

SmileyClare · 31/08/2023 21:51

New adults in the home

Childminders: report new adults in the home

You must tell Ofsted about new people aged 16 or over who live or work in the home you look after children in within 14 days. This includes children who turn 16.

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/childminders-report-new-adults-in-the-home#new-adults-in-the-home

Tanith · 01/09/2023 20:01

The link you posted states quite clearly that OFSTED does not need to check regular visitors, SmileyClare

This man does not live with the childminder, he is not her assistant and he is not working at her premises. According to OFSTED, he is therefore her responsibility.

Op can certainly ask the childminder about him, but he does not need a DBS stage unless he starts living there.

SmileyClare · 01/09/2023 20:37

A new partner is a grey area.

It depends if he only stays overnight “occasionally “ and is in the home during childcare hours “occasionally “ or whether he will now be there most of the time.

It’s at best unprofessional as a CM not to inform parents.
It’s unclear whether he falls into the category of “visitor” or “new adult” in the home at this stage.

Its certainly irresponsible to introduce a new man you’ve been dating for a matter of weeks into your home (which is your place of work) during your childcare hours.

Tanith · 02/09/2023 11:41

According to the Op, he was only there at drop off and pickup on one day.

No other details than that.

You said Ofsted needs to be informed. No, they do not, as stated clearly in the document you linked.

SheilaFentiman · 02/09/2023 12:37

Do you actually know he was there all
day?

UsingChangeofName · 02/09/2023 16:09

SheilaFentiman · 02/09/2023 12:37

Do you actually know he was there all
day?

I don't think that matters.

If he was there when the OP dropped her dc off, and was there when she picked them up, then the CMer should have informed the parents.

As others have said, other people that live in the house have to have a DBS, so someone that is there when the dc are there ought to be treated the same, morally, whatever the exact wording.

SheilaFentiman · 02/09/2023 17:04

I don’t think that’s how it works. Otherwise someone there, say, installing a shower would need a DBS. Or the childminder’s sister, if she stayed overnight and arrived before pick up and left after drop off.

A DBS covers someone who might be alone with the kids, doesn’t it?

jannier · 02/09/2023 20:13

Regular visitors including cleaners and a friend visiting regularly need a DBS. New adults living in the house need a DBS occasional visitors do not. But they must never be left alone with the minded children.
You do not have to give permission for husband's, partners, children over 16 who have been suitability checked with Ofsted to be around minded children and you have no right to insist on it anymore than you could vet staff or visitors to a nursery.
If you have seen someone or something just ask.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/09/2023 20:15

No.

jannier · 02/09/2023 20:16

SmileyClare · 31/08/2023 21:46

Childminders must inform OFSTED (within 14 days) if any new adult is present in their homes or regularly visiting.

This is a safe guarding concern. She should have done this and informed all parents.

Seen on one day does not break any rules unless left unattended with children ..in the same way a parent visiting with a new child or an existing parent coming through the door wouldn't break any rules.

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/09/2023 21:40

Seems very weird and unprofessional to have new bf there while collecting /dropping off kids

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/09/2023 21:41

It’s a no from me _ unprofessional at best and dangerous at worst

SmileyClare · 02/09/2023 22:22

Tanith · 02/09/2023 11:41

According to the Op, he was only there at drop off and pickup on one day.

No other details than that.

You said Ofsted needs to be informed. No, they do not, as stated clearly in the document you linked.

Have you got any advice for the op instead of telling me I’m wrong and you’re right?

We can speculate all day about how long the new bf is staying. He could have been there for 2 hours or 2 weeks. He could hang about all day, he could be wfh on her computer during the day. Op has a right to know.

I directed op to a link for OFSTED guidelines and hopefully she can now have an informed conversation with her CM.

Op has every right to question this and most parents would feel concerned that a CM would expose their dc to a boyfriend she has just started dating.

Tanith · 03/09/2023 14:10

Don't be so childish!

You deliberately misrepresented the information contained in the document. I corrected it.

jannier · 03/09/2023 18:30

SmileyClare · 02/09/2023 22:22

Have you got any advice for the op instead of telling me I’m wrong and you’re right?

I directed op to a link for OFSTED guidelines and hopefully she can now have an informed conversation with her CM.

Op has every right to question this and most parents would feel concerned that a CM would expose their dc to a boyfriend she has just started dating.

Show quote history

All she did was tell you the correct information why so snappy?
It's obvious the first thing to be done is talk to the cm it could be a DBs has already been obtained or he was there mending something or he was just there that day not left alone with children and therefore not breaking a rule without talking nobody knows.

FoodFann · 03/09/2023 18:47

He doesn’t need a DBS as long as he won’t be alone with the children and as long as he’s not living there. ‘Strangers in the home’ is my biggest reason for not using a childminder. In reality, they can have anyone over.

toddlermom99 · 03/09/2023 18:49

I would not be happy with this at all.

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