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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable

16 replies

Sunnysom · 29/08/2023 00:03

I really could do with some advice, I have been told by my OH that I am being unreasonable when it comes to his parents picking up our DS from school.

our DS is starting school in less than a week, my OH wants his parent to pick him up after school every Wednesday. I am against this as DS is very emotional about starting school and I feel will struggle to settle, he doesn’t like change and he is going to be tired ( he not use to doing 5 days).

His parents kind of dictate when they want our DS and have been quite clear that they are not our childcare! I am very lucky that I can currently stay home and look after our boys, I don’t feel there is any need for them to collect him and bring him home late.

I do not get on with them, they are very overpowering anything I do is wrong, I maybe a little to restricted with DS at times, but I do try my best, but always feel I am a bad person .

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

DelphiniumBlue · 29/08/2023 00:25

If he knows his grandparents, I don't see why this would be an issue. Lots of children will be picked up by childminder/nanny/relative or go to an afterschool club, they manage fine. I'd have thought a chilled afternoon with his grandparents doing the sort of stuff kids do with grandparents, (craft, stories, games, park etc )would be just what he needs. It will most likely be a treat for him, and if you have younger children, means he gets 1:1 time .
Maybe it's time for you to let go a little. Is he your eldest, the first one to go off to school?

sillyuniforms · 29/08/2023 07:49

You don't like them but your DS prob does. Let him have some GP time

Original poster

Sunnysom · 29/08/2023 09:20

He is my eldest my rainbow child, I had a late miscarriage at 23 weeks before having DS.

DS went to play school from age of 2.5, for mainly social skills and to reduce attachment so he ready for school.

I know it’s going to be hard when DS starts school for me at least, I think once settled he will be fine.

OP posts:

TheHorneSection · 29/08/2023 09:21

What’s your actual issue with them picking him up?

Shinyandnew1 · 29/08/2023 09:22

What are they proposing? Are they going to pick him up from school and then bring him back to your house whilst you have to provide cake and small-talk? Do you see them now every week?

Original poster

Sunnysom · 29/08/2023 09:24

DS would have been at school all day and DS 2 would not have seen his brother as GP bring DS1 back after 6.30pm so DS2 is asleep. I have discussed the lateness with OH , he doesn’t see anything wrong with this time.

OP posts:

niclw · 29/08/2023 09:24

So will you be at home when they pick him up? I can understand that if you are working they might help out by picking up on a Wednesday but if you are at home why would they do it? Particularly if they've made it clear that they are not your childcare.

Original poster

Sunnysom · 29/08/2023 09:26

GP are proposing to pick him up after school take him to their house and bring him home around 6.30pm then stay most of the evening.

OP posts:

DinnaeFashYersel · 29/08/2023 09:28

Apart from you not liking them - what is wrong with DS having GP time?

DinnaeFashYersel · 29/08/2023 09:28

Sunnysom · 29/08/2023 09:26

GP are proposing to pick him up after school take him to their house and bring him home around 6.30pm then stay most of the evening.

My kids have done similar every Tuesday for the last 9 years. They love it.

niclw · 29/08/2023 09:34

It sounds like they would like to spend some time with him.

I agree with you that your DC is likely to be very tired. How about you say that for the first month or so you will pick him up because he is likely to be tired but then once he is settled you agree to them picking him up.

Alternatively, how about they pick him up and take him out for an hour then bring him to you house? Are they going to take their other grandchild as well?

thecatinthetwat · 29/08/2023 09:36

why not say no for the first few weeks whilst he settles in, then arrange it once you know he’s ok.

rainbowstardrops · 29/08/2023 09:37

I would try to compromise. Say no pickups for the first week or so, or until you feel he is settled and has adapted to school hours but then they can collect him but he needs to be back by 5.30pm or whatever time you think is appropriate.
I'd then give him his tea/bath/bed and let DH entertain them for the evening!

Valerie23 · 29/08/2023 10:27

One a week is fine and if he is unsettled and ratty they may even change their mind about seeing him after school!

When it's his bedtime you can get him to bed and then stay up there and say you're tired and having an early night/rest.

Blondeshavemorefun · 29/08/2023 16:08

So the issue is a late drop off /bedtime ?

Can they drop off at 5/530

How far away are they. Assuming local V

Can you pick up at 530 if easier

I think lovely they want to collect once a week and spend time with him
Do they do the same with his younger brother

greenspaces4peace · 29/08/2023 16:17

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Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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