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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Childcare during the summer holidays should it be left to mum?

4 replies

Laurenjessicax · 24/08/2023 21:54

My ex has our son 2 nights a week he won't communicate with me or anyone really purely out of pettiness however, during the summer holidays he expects to drop son off on the way to work and for myself to have our son until he finishes work. I also work and have had to cut my hours back massively/use holidays to cover child care over the summer. He's not had any time off to help with childcare so I could go to work. To top it off he asked to skip a week of having our son as he was on holiday with his friends. I understand it's hard over summer and work places aren't always accommodating but I'm taking a massive pay loss this month and I feel this isn't fair. I typically work 4-5 days a week and for summer I've cut it down to 2 thinking when son is with dad I can work but I'm left on the mornings of 'dads days' being asked to pick son up as he's been left with a relative under the impression I would come pick him up and have him for the day when this was never agreed/mentioned. I can't stand confrontation so I typically just get on with it when I did say this isn't fair on our son or the relatives you leave him with as they can't have him for the full day so they are then left to message me to collect him as they need to leave for work. I just got told 'ok' for the same thing to happen again. Thankfully my mum (retired) is always on hand ready as we all just expect this behaviour. For split parents who both work what is the typical arrangement for childcare over the holidays? Do you keep it the same as a school week? How do you enforce this? Surely I can't force him to take time off. A few friends said when relatives ring tell them to contact sons dad as it's his problem but I'd never do that to my son imagine how he would feel.

OP posts:
askmenothing · 24/08/2023 22:09

My ex used to be like yours.

Last year I kicked off and told him he was having DC for three full weeks. I work full time in a professional job and can't take 6 weeks off. I said if he couldn't then those weeks were his responsibility and he would have to pay for holiday club.

This year he was already prepared for the same and I'm getting her back tomorrow after 2 weeks. He had them for the first week too.

Do you have a court order? If not, maybe look at one?

askmenothing · 24/08/2023 22:11

Also to say, we have split all the holidays for the last year and will carry on moving forwards. It's not right how much is assumed it's mums responsibility.

Laurenjessicax · 24/08/2023 22:19

No court order. Problem is when I have mentioned maybe looking to get something set in place more formally like a court order he does the whole 'well I want 50/50' so I'd agree as he has every right to that. Then one week later it's 'I can't have him this day or this night' I do think if I went down that route I'd spend a small fortune end up with 50/50 and him not stick to it then mine and my sons life would be more chaotic as rather than being messed about for 2 days a week it would be 3-4 from what I gathered about court orders they can enforce you to give access but they can't enforce parents to actually take the access. Unsure if that's the case but if it is I'd have no hope.

OP posts:
Laurenjessicax · 24/08/2023 22:27

my thoughts exactly! I also can feel my partner of 6 years is getting fed up as he sees it as we're providing free child care to my ex to be able to work full time to earn a good salary saving his holidays to have his 'social' time and not have as much time to fill with our child spending money doing activities. Where as we are an income down the child free time we do have is spent working and the rest of the time we're paying for days out / trips / clubs for my son even during 'dads days.' Not to sound like we feel my son is a burden we love him and want him to feel wanted/loved which is why we're essentially putting up with all this.

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