My son is 3, suspected autistic. He has chronic constipation and is an extremely picky eater.
He is toilet trained, however he will not poo on a toilet. He will only go in a nappy and if he can't have a nappy, he will just go in his pants. He is medicated and sometimes this means he regularly soils from over flow or not being aware he needs to go.
I have requested that preschool keep him in pants, and if he wants a poo to put him in a nappy but limit it to 20 mins and then change back. It works at home. It isn't working at preschool for various reasons, he won't ask, or he's asked and been told no or made to try on the toilet first. I've had multiple conversations with his room lead who says all the right things but it's still not happening consistently.
I also have concerns about his behaviour as although he is an angel when he's there, and they all love him, he comes home very upset and angry and we always have meltdowns (he also goes to a childminder and this doesn't happen with her).
Yesterday I asked to speak to the manager and discussed my concerns and she was so dismissive. She said I'm not helping him by enabling him to poo in a nappy. I know it isn't ideal but I want to create a routine and once he can go regularly then I will then start to move towards the toilet. I want to stop the soiling and withholding before school, and even if he poos daily in a nappy, it's better than pooing himself several times a day, one step at a time. She then bought up his lunch and eating and that it's not healthy or balanced. I acknowledged this but he has 5 foods he will eat, that is it. This isn't new, this has been the same since he was 6 months old, it isn't a choice for him. So I said he has what he has and that's not up for discussion, happy for them to encourage new foods at snack and tea time, which they provide but I will always send his safe foods for lunch. I then tried to explain about his behaviour at home after preschool sessions and she said they don't see any behaviour in school, he's absolutely fine so it's a parenting issue. She said if I cannot cope she will refer me to social care.
I've actually self referred to social care and it was pointless. I'm not bothered about her referring me, I'll take whatever help I get but she's just completed dismissed me and isn't willing to work with me to meet his needs.
I'm trying to change but it isn't that easy as places are limited in our area.
How can I get her to listen and work out a plan with me and not just dismiss me completely.