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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Old nanny returning from maternity leave with baby! Help

63 replies

ziopin · 28/02/2008 09:54

This is a very long running story, but my old nanny has been off on maternity leave and is due to come back next month.

Originally I said that she could come back with the baby at the end of her leave, but then decided against it. She took this very well, and said that she would arrange childcare for the baby when she came back to work.

Having spoken with her last week, she has only arranged childcare for 2 days, and wants to bring the baby to work for the other 3. She suggests that we give it a trial for a couple of months, and if it doesn't work out she'll leave (no hard feelings)

I am not happy about this, but should I give it a trial just to be fair?

I currently have a lovely nanny, who is doing her maternity cover. I could lose her, and then find myself without a nanny if things dont work out with old nanny and baby.

Help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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hatwoman · 28/02/2008 11:08

(that was to eleusis) I really must go and do some work...

eleusis · 28/02/2008 11:12

some history of horrid nanny

YEs, hatwoman, I agree. But a verbal response to a verbal question is appropriate. No need to go putting things in writing that nanny will run off to CAB just to make Ziopin's life (more) difficult.

Original poster

ziopin · 28/02/2008 11:27

Oh, thanks so much for your well guided support (as always). Will ring her on Monday morning.

How do we end things formally? Do we (both parties) have to put it in writing or can it all be done verbally?

OP posts:

vInTaGeVioLeT · 28/02/2008 11:32

i think your nanny has a bloody nerve telling you what's going to happen
she works for you , therefore you tell her how it's going to be - if you told her you don't want her to bring the baby then she can't.

i think you must be very sure of your legal rights and do everything by the book but if you don't like her then she will have too go - i think you should've dealt with the situation before her maternity leave was due to run out myself but too late now.

it seems silly to lose your lovely new nanny

flowerybeanbag · 28/02/2008 11:46

ziopin you don't have to do anything to end it formally. Just say no, she will then either have to find childcare and return f/t as before, or resign, it will be her decision.

CarGirl · 28/02/2008 11:49

Please ring her today get it over and done with!!! How much notice does she have to give you to either resign/return F/T.

hatwoman · 28/02/2008 11:57

z - you don;t have to put anything in writing at this stage. she's made a verbal request. you verbally turn it down. it's then down to her to either tell you when she's coming back from mat leave or to resign. probably best to ask her to put that in writing - just so that you're clear on dates (last day of employment/first day back at work)

ShinyDysonHereICome · 28/02/2008 12:01

What date is she meant to return to work?

I would do it immediately to be honest. Call her. Follow the chat up in writing - even via email is fine but I would make sure you word it carefully. In your letter/chat you must ask her to confirm her decision in writing too, just so that you have proof it you need it

She sounds a right PITA!

rookiemater · 28/02/2008 12:57

I have followed the previous threads on this and agree strongly that you shouldn't agree a trial period.

However I'm somewhat surprised about the level of personal vituperation being directed at the nanny. Regardless of her ability to do her job she is in the same position as the rest of us, i.e. trying to work whilst having a child. Most of us in that situation try to work out what is the best position for us and calling her names for asking just seems kind of vicious.

Hope it works out for you ziopin

Twiglett · 28/02/2008 12:59

just say no that is unacceptable to you

Twiglett · 28/02/2008 13:03

do it now

pick up the phone and say

"We have considered your request to bring your baby to work for 3 days and I am sorry but we have to say no that is not acceptable to us and is not subject to discussion. Please let me know by tomorrow whether you still wish to return under the existing terms of your contract"

flowerybeanbag · 28/02/2008 16:23

Have you done it yet ziopin?

eleusis · 28/02/2008 17:10

Come back and report please. You are dutybound in the mumsnet sisterhood secret codde to come back and update us when you start a juicy thread like this one. Okay, this particulary thread isn't very jucy (except the part when I slapped you), but the history is pretty gobsmacking.

And horrid nanny deserves every word I said about her. What kind of person say hey can you put what you just said in writing do I can take to cab and see if I can take you for ride? Uh huh... a horrid one.

organicbirthdaycake · 28/02/2008 17:25

I would have thought that you could turn down the option of 3 days with one nanny and 2 days with another on the basis of lack of continuity. After all that's often why people employ nannies - so that 1 individual (other than family) cares for them.

RahRahRachel · 28/02/2008 17:32

Wait a minute eleusis - taking advice from CAB is just about making sure your rights are respected. That's not the same as taking someone for a ride

HarrietTheSpy · 28/02/2008 17:40

I think the issue here is that this woman is out for her own interests and doesn't really care what works best for Ziopin.

Ziopin, what irks me about the three day a week request is that it really is just a back door way of working up to five days...she's probably organised something temporary until you get used to the idea, then before long you'd be opening the door to them every day.

If you feel bad telling her no now, think of what it will be like after they're all settled. WORSE! Take the plunge - as soon as it's over you'll feel so much better and relieved.

eleusis · 28/02/2008 17:53

Rachel, have you read the threads? I linked one below that links a few more. This nanny is not really a nice nanny. Doesn't talk to the 13 yr old. And says "you better behave today cause I'm not having another day like yesterday to the children as she walks in the door in the morning" It goes on and on...

"Can you put tha in writing so I can take it to cab?" is like saying I want to sue your arse for anything I can could you please give me some edivence? Oh ok, ummmm... no.

Squiffy · 29/02/2008 09:36

ziopin, You should be cock-a-hoop that your nanny has said this. she has messed you around so much and now you finally have the opportunity to quite rightly say "No, I am not willing to change the terms and conditions of your employment". I think you have already shown amazing fairness by respecting all of her legal rights, despite the fact that her maternity replacement has been much more efficient, friendly and downright suitable for the role. Most parents would have moved heaven and earth to have wriggled out of letting the old nanny come back. Yet you have respected her legal rights and put those rights above your own personal wishes. It is now time for her to respect your legal rights, and for her to decide if she wishes to return from maternity leave. Stay strong and don;t let her back in your life unless it is under your own terms - it will only make you miserable in the long run.

eleusis · 03/03/2008 21:13

Well.... can we have an update, please?

Original poster

ziopin · 04/03/2008 12:51

Sorry {blush} Was home all day yesterday with a sickness bug, and returned to work today. Just about to phone her.....

OP posts:

Original poster

ziopin · 04/03/2008 13:01

Have just spoken to her. She took it really well No hard feelings, I feel elated!

Thanks for all your support

OP posts:

annh · 04/03/2008 13:11

Does that mean she is still returning but minus baby or that she will now not return at all?!

PotPourri · 04/03/2008 13:16

Same question as annh - is she resigning? You need her to send you a letter - adn if she doesn't make sure you send her a letter telling her that you accept her verbal resignation - you have taken notes of hte conversation and time etc haven't you?

And then, you can ask your lovely nanny to stay on - yippee!!

eleusis · 04/03/2008 14:12

Yeah, what does that mean. There were way to few details in that post.

Does she still work for you? Where is lovely temp nanny in all of this? Have you let her go? When is horrid nannies first day of work? Has she given you written notice of intent to return to work?

annh · 04/03/2008 14:50

Hee, hee! We're all so impatient! come back Ziopin!

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