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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

My friend was about to employ a MALE nanny, but then she was told that

72 replies

QuintessentialShadow · 27/02/2008 16:50

nobody would let their daughters go on playdates with her sons (6 and 14) while in care of the nanny. So now she is uncertain what to do. In her opinion he is the best candidate she has seen. But, she is also reliant on being able to arrange mutually convenient playdates with neighbours and classmates, etc.

Are prejudices like this prevalent?

The nanny in question has all the clearances and police checks, as he is a special needs teacher who wanted to supplement his income while he goes back to uni.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

hotbot · 27/02/2008 19:30

best person for the job imo, the rest will meet him and be so jealous at how great he is that they will try and poach. ignore others do what is best for your dcs and your peace of mind

nannynick · 27/02/2008 19:47

Interesting it was Theft and Neglect. As I already mentioned, theft is a common problem (do all female teenagers go through a shop-lifting phrase?)

NSPCC Child Protection Statistics, Dec 2007
Worth a read for anyone interested in up-to-date Statistics.
Neglect is a major issue... England Child Protection Register Statistics, 2003-2007 The Neglect category is top of the list... 12,500 children and young people on the register are subject to a Child Protection Plan, due to Neglect.

ingles2 · 27/02/2008 19:58

as some of you probably know I employed an male au pair last year for the summer, he was useless around the house (cooking, cleaning and stuff but then he was only 19) but pretty good playing with my boys and they thought he was great (might have been something to do with the diet of chocolate and crisps ). Nobody in our village wanted to come for playdates whilst he was there though and when he offered to read at school there were complaints after it became known, so prejudice is still rife it seems.

Quattrocento · 27/02/2008 20:00

Oh what silliness

I have a male one

Far Far better than any other candidates I saw

They have to be, I suppose

nannynick · 27/02/2008 20:06

Reading at school... oh that's an interesting point, as the teacher has been nagging me for several weeks now and has finally got me to commit to a time-slot. Wonder what the parents reaction will be - mind you, the school has quite a lot of male teachers.
Anyway, I'm fully cleared - the other parent's aren't. Maybe I should complain that non-CRB checked parents are permitted to help in the classroom!

TheFallenMadonna · 27/02/2008 20:08

Are they not CRB checked? Ours are. And yes of course it's bonkers to object to a man (shock horror) being a parent(/nanny) helper.

Flibbertyjibbet · 27/02/2008 20:23

The best ever member of staff at our children's nursery was male. We used to ask if they rented him out for weekends.. The nursery owner said 'oh if I could find another 12 like him'. Unfortunately he was poached by another nursery across the road from his house whereas ours was 2 buses for him to travel to.
After that experience, if a male childcarer is qualified, crb checked and the children like him, I would be perfectly happy for him to take care of playdates.

hascas · 27/02/2008 20:39

I cannot understand the hysteria surrounding male nannies. I have two boys (3 and 7 years) and I desperately searched for a good male au pair this time around...sadly without success (altho our female AP is fab so I'm not complaining too much). I would have been horrified if my friends with DDs refused to allow play dates with any male AP I had chosen. As Nannynick has so eloquently stated, women abuse as well and there are many more types of abuse than sexual abuse. Interesting that this fear of male predators in childcare does not seem to extend to those men who choose to father their own kids......truly sad and narrow minded.

lisalisa · 27/02/2008 20:55

Message withdrawn

nannynick · 27/02/2008 21:06

lisalisa - that sounds a horrible experience for your dd, and the rest of your family.

As a nanny, I don't kiss children I care for. Some people may think that is a bit odd (I know some of the CM's on here have posted before that they kiss children frequently), but being a bloke, I don't want to take the risk that someone may wrongly interpret something I do.

Agree with you about statistics, but they only represent reported cases - and a lot of things go unreported. Abuse takes many forms, and I would suspect that in abuse categories such as Neglect, females are the more common abuser (alas can't find that level of statistics).

Wisteria · 27/02/2008 21:39

That's a horrid experience lisalisa and I am so glad that you were there. There are bad people in the world, it's true.

I am not going to be drawn into that particular debate again - I haven't changed my opinions and I'm not going to though.

littleladylollipop · 28/02/2008 12:27

What a big pile of pig poo.

I'm all for Mannies! I wish more men would get into childcare- its an amzing,rewarding,and wonderful career and idiots stop them because of stupid comments.

If I were you honey, I'd be careful letting him know he didnt get the job because of his sex!

go for it- if he was the best candidate, what are you worrying about?

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 28/02/2008 15:59

I might just take him for myself, if will want my charge for the month that is left before leaving. I had to let my AP go today, and she is flying home tomorrow.

Still wondering if I shall go it solo the next month, while packing and preparing the move and doing my job, or get some help that will actually be helpful.... I guess that is another thread alltogether.

OP posts:

bossykate · 28/02/2008 16:10

i have a male nanny. he's brilliant. he isn't crb checked either, as since he's been in this country he has only worked for families and it isn't (yet) possible for a family to request an enhanced CRB check. i don't give a stuff about playdates and try never to have them. ds hasn't been invited to any other than as a reciprocation to those i have hosted in the past.

bossykate · 28/02/2008 16:11

lisalisa, tons of child abuse goes on within families!

clumsymum · 28/02/2008 18:19

TBH I'm kind of sceptical about a CRB check anyway.

All that tells you is if someone has been CAUGHT in the wrong.

nannynick · 29/02/2008 07:22

clumsymum - you are right that a CRB check only tells you of convictions, cautions etc. Though Enhanced level check also can reveal local police intelligence.

English law is that someone is innocent until proved guilty... hardly fair if everyone was considered to be guilty of an offence, they hadn't committed.

Thus, a Enhanced CRB check is only one of several checks that employers should be doing... others include things such as immigration status, previous work/education history... character references plus work related references.

Fillyjonk · 29/02/2008 07:29

There is also employment law/discrimination to consider

You are not allowed to just not give someone a job because of their gender, if they are the best candidate.

Original poster

QuintessentialShadow · 29/02/2008 10:39

In any event, she had decided to offer him the job, as she reconned people would realize he was a good nanny and send their daughters anyway. But she had an email from him, and alas he has accepted another job.

OP posts:

Catz · 29/02/2008 10:54

I got a call from my MIL this morning stressed that we are going to employ a male CLEANER because he 'might be paedophile' even though he's worked for friends of ours (with children) for years and DD will be at nursery whilst he's here!

I do think prejudice is common

nannynick · 29/02/2008 18:24

Quint - great news that they were going ahead. Pity he got a job elsewhere.

Fillyjonk - while there may be certain laws that exist, domestic workers are often exempt from them. For example, domestic servants (the term used in law to describe a nanny) are exempt from the Sex Discrimination Act 1975. So it is legal for parents who employ help within their home to discriminate on grounds of gender.

Fillyjonk · 02/03/2008 07:16

really?

actually that rings a bell, yes

well thats a bit , isn't it?

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