My friend was about to employ a MALE nanny, but then she was told that

[QuintessentialShadow]

nobody would let their daughters go on playdates with her sons (6 and 14) while in care of the nanny. So now she is uncertain what to do. In her opinion he is the best candidate she has seen. But, she is also reliant on being able to arrange mutually convenient playdates with neighbours and classmates, etc.

Are prejudices like this prevalent?

The nanny in question has all the clearances and police checks, as he is a special needs teacher who wanted to supplement his income while he goes back to uni.

Well 14yos don't have playdates as such, and I would struggle to believe that the presence of a nanny would be a problem for them.

We're probably talking about a minority group of parents of some girls. Now admittedly my 6yo goes to a boys school but I'd still be surprised if the majority of his playdates are girls, let alone with girls of highly protective parents.

FWIW I think that as the other parents got to know the nanny, and saw the nanny is action with his charges then this problem would disappear. My male au pair has been offered cash to play with other children at weekends as their parents see that he is great fun and very good with children. And he is definitely favoured by the 6yos themselves - definitely outranks the female au pairs at school (who are all rather plain as well, the mothers seem to want to play safe).

At 6 and 14 I would assume mostly unaccompanied playdates.

And I would also assume a nanny would indeed "pitch in".

What utter rubbish! I too am thinking of emplying a male nanny because he may be more illing to lick a ball around with them etc. If anyone objects, fine, they can stay away.

I mean kick - not envisaging any licking

PMSL!!

I looked at this on 'Threads I'm on, and all I saw was

What utter rubbish! I too am thinking of emplying a male nanny because he may be more illing to lick ...

I am HORRIFIED at this attitude that seems to be growing in the UK that men cannot be trusted around children.
This whole thing is bad for the children, and bad for society as a whole.

When I was looking for a part-time nanny or mother's help last year, I was desperate to find a male, partly because dh was away so much on business and partly because there are so few men in junior schools, so poor ds was drowning in women carers, and I really felt needed more male company.

Unfortunately, no men around looking for the job. The 3 nanny agencies I spoke to here in the Midlands were incredulous that I should even think of employing a male in a child-care role.

God Twiglet - do you really find it that hard to have a conversation with a MAN?

A few fathers of my DD's friends are very involved (in one case because the child's mother is dead) and we natter away quite easily, just like any other male friend.

Nowt so queer as folk as they say

oh soapbox I don't find it difficult to have conversations with men .. but nice word-twisting there

I think I explained myself

No Twig, I honestly can't understand your point either.

Why does it matter which parent is there for a playdate, even a first playdate?

Personally I would not accompany my child on a playdate where the nanny was there and not the mother. (I would send my au pair, and likewise, I would go myself if the mother was there).

Having said that, I dont let my 2 1/2 year old go on playdates unaccompanied.

I have never hesitated to let my oldest go on a playdate where the father was in charge (rather than a female), and have myself gone to the cinema with the kids and a dad during half term.

But in this case, the 14 year old is friends with a 12 year old neighbour, and her mum has hinted she will no longer let her dd run in and out my friends house. I think this is very sad.

Just got in from work, caring for two girls and one boy (actually nanny for a family with 4 children, but eldest boy stays at school all week at the moment). So some families don't have an issue with a male nanny caring for girls.

Prejudices like this are not as prevalent, as they were 10 years ago. These days with Enhanced CRB checks, on ALL childcare staff, parents can be reassured that cleared childcare workers have had their criminal record checked. This will not satisfy all however, as they read stories in the media about child sexual abuse, which alas is something that has existed for many many years, and often the perpetrator is well known to the child. What the media don't tend to say often alas, is that women abuse children, as well as men. Statistically, women are less likely to sexually abuse a child (though some child abuse professionals feel that the reported cases of sexual abuse by a female, is only the tip of the iceberg), but there are other forms of abuse, including physical, emotional and neglect.
Anyone interested in the subject of abuse by females, should read Female Sexual Abuse of Children - Author: Dr Michelle Elliott (Director of Kidscape)

Do 6 year old and 14 year old boys have that many female friends over on playdates?

ROFL at MrsGOG

I've been to see a male childminder before now, and the reason I didnt go with him was more because he didnt seem to have the wherewithall to cope with DS (he only had one young boy of his own, and had a few part-timers/school pickups and had been doing it about 4-6 months).

Well, what else do you expect to do on a play date? Well at least a child's play date

Don't you just get to the house, open a bottle of wine and chat while the children play nicely together, have a bit of tea for the children and then depart?

I like the variety if I'm honest - but then I also like it when we have nannies around too. I suppose I'm turning into my mother, I'll be talking to people at the bus stop soon

Although, it is fair to say that the nannies never accept my offer of a glass of wine.

Come to think of it we do have one dad who comes round and is a bit weird, in that he just wonders off around the house (upstairs too having a good nosy around. It was a bit understandable a few years ago whilst we were doing a major renovation of the house and we thought he was just seeing what the builders had done, but he still does it - what for I have no idea

Nannynick.

I shall have a look at that reading material.

The 14 year old goes to an all boy school, and his only interaction with girls are from "playdates" arranged by girls from church/neighbourhood that his mum sorts out.

The 6 year old has as many playdates with girls as with boys, we are lucky to have many "tomboys" in the class, with girls who love a bit of rough and tumble, climbing and kicking ball, dr who and star wars.

My friend is worried that even if he has the police checks and no criminal record, that this will not reflect and accusations or reports that has not stood up in court, if you see what I mean.

I think that such checks takes every reported case on a person into consideration and not just convictions. What do you think?

it is a small close-knit Catholic school community, and I think many may be a little concerned due to some unfortunate event within the Catholic church in general over the last decade or so.

Ah Catholic Priests - yes, surprising anyone chooses to go to a Catholic Church or Catholic School these days, given the abuse risk!

I'm not anti-Catholic... just trying to say that abuse happens in many different situations, and it has been an issue within the Catholic Church.

A childcare worker has to be Enhance level CRB checked... but what checks are done on ordinary families? Any adult (or teenager) is a potential risk. Childcare workers, should be less of a risk, as they at least will have had some checks done on their suitability to work with children.

Still seems amaingly shortsighted that a parent objects to a potential playdate before even meeting the nanny. I've come across some frightful female au pairs, and I know that would avoid making arrnagements with them.

I'd get oyour friend to stick to her guns and choose the best candidate for the job. The neighbour will come round to see this in time.

Yes, when my sisters dd was going up for her first communion, Father was almost apologetic, and informed all the parents that there would be nuns present during all teaching. It is sad.

LadyMuck, I think I will. She lets her dd be alone with men of the Church, so why not a male nanny who has all the police checks, and a proven track record working with kids?

How very sad. If a family I trusted had chosen a good nanny with whom they were happy that would be enough assurance for me.

But I think one of the issues is that the nanny will be required to do overnight stays as she is an airhostess and will have a fair amount of long haul flights. I guess anybody would be extremely cautious, whether nanny/au pair is male or female when overnight sole charge is an issue. She just recently kicked out her female ap.

A CRB check will list convictions, cautions, and will check local police information (where relevant to the application, that information may be put on the CRB Disclosure, or put in an added information letter (such as if such information was part of an ongoing investigation), which is ONLY viewable by the countersignatary.

Thus, a CRB check is only one part of the recruitment process... employers should also talk to previous employers, so that they build a better picture of the candidate.

I can't see why overnight care is any more a risk than daytime care. If anything there is less risk, as the teenager will be at home, so would be in a position to tell about anything happening. Playdates won't stay overnight!

Why did she kick out the female AP? Much more interesting a topic... as when I worked for the regulator, I was quite surprised by what I saw appearing on female childcare workers CRB checks - theft for example can be a big issue!

Theft and neglect. AP went through her things and helped herself to money and stuff. She was on facebook while "caring" for the youngest, did not cook them their meals, etc etc, true neglect.