Morning school run help

[indomitablespirit]

I was just wondering if there would be such a thing as finding a child minder to come to my house every weekday morning to get my two children up, ready, and take them to school. I recently got a new job which starts earlier that any breakfast clubs etc. and their dad has been taking them to school instead of me as he works from home. However we are getting divorced and it seems that he will be unwilling to help me out unless I agree to his terms on how much we both have the children each week. Does anyone know if I look for a nanny or a childminder, or something else, and also how much it would cost per hour. I have to fill in my expected expenses for everything as part of the separation process. Is anyone else in a similar situation, or has someone do this kind of early morning childcare? Thanks in advance

I had the same situation (you described my Ex DH to a tee). I found a local student to help out for the mornings. She took DCs to school and came home to clean up breakfast and do some washing /tidying/ prep for later etc (to make the hours worth it for her - or else it was too short a time for her ). It was a good investment at the time.

This phase won’t last for long. In years to come your 7yo will be able to get to school alone and you can leave without them in the am.

This is assuming that getting a job is a simple task - it isn’t. Why should I change my job? He wouldn’t dream of changing his. I have only been in this job for a few months and it wasn’t easy to find in the first place. I have particular qualifications that suit this job, and I wouldn’t easily find an alternative. Besides, my children don’t want to be with him on a 50/50 basis. I don’t think he is that trustworthy - this is why I wanted them to be with me most of the time.

That is not your decision. Nor is it vaguely fair of you to expect him to provide you with childcare on days that aren't his days with the children.

I’m afraid I disagree

Well the court isn't likely to. Unless you have some evidence of abuse.

Well perhaps I do. You don’t know anything about my situation. I am really just asking for advice on where to look for childcare, not whether I have the right to stay in my job, or contest my ex’s demand for 50/50, nor to ask that he might help out with the school run.

I didn't claim to know anything. I was responding to the information you've given, none of which suggests there is any kind of abuse.

I don't know what your area is like, but in mine childcare is extremely hard to come by for standard hours.

You really do want to have your cake and eat it.
Your x is not trustworthy enough to have the children at his house. Then you want him to get to your house before 7am each day to care for the children. Either you trust him with them each morning or you don’t.

I was in this situation for a while. One of the TAs at my children's school came and looked after them, including walking them to school. One of the TAs at your children's school might welcome the extra income?

Give over saying "if this was the other way round", PPs. I think almost everyone agrees it's disruptive for divorced parents to have literal 50/50 time with their kids in the sense of the kids not staying in one home for the majority of a week. This isn't a case of favouring women, because I think all of us agree that whoever the primary caregiver is/whoever lives in the same house as the children should have them for the solid chunks of time like school weeks.

It would be a nanny.. my colleague has this arrangement, they found a lady willing to come for 15 or 20 quid ( central London) to get their kid ready and take her to the nursery in the mornings (5 min walking distance) in reality it’s a less than 1h job but they need compensation for travelling to and from your house, so someone local would be better
axtually technically, they are using their cleaner who is happy to do it for an extra hour work.. you can try posting on your local Facebook page
sprry to hear you are in this situation but it’s definitely possible to find a solution

@tattygrl but since the x is the one who gets the children up and to school each day why isn’t he the primary care giver with custody Monday to Friday.

This is difficult to find. Ask around. Let other parents know you are looking for someone. Make it a decent amount. You might find another parent at the school might be interested.

My neighbours kids go to a childminder before school, and the childminder drops them at the school, I think she's open from 7.30. We looked at her as an option, but the school also runs a breakfast club from 7.30, which worked out a little cheaper in the end. Have you looked at whether your school does a breakfast club?

The other option is to consider asking for flexible working, my employer agreed to let me cut my lunch break from an our to 30 minutes, and shift my start time 30 minutes later, which has helped hugely, with very little detriment to the business. Flexible working doesn't necessarily mean reduced hours, there may be other options.

Can you pay a parent at the school to do this - you'd probably have to get them dressed and perhaps take them to that family's house for breakfast and to be walked to school later. We did this for a while as kids

My friend does this service for a family locally - she works at a local playground/after school group so might be worth asking there if you have something nearby? The staff have to be DBS checked so you have that peace of mind. She does the school runs independently from her playground job

Thank you

Oh I am so far from having my cake and eating it. I don’t care what the norm is as every case is different. I fully expect my ex to sod off and leave me to sort childcare. Hence the reason I am asking about childcare. Again, he doesn’t care that much about seeing his kids / he is mainly concerned about how much it will cost hi , and a 50/50 arrangement would mean he owes less child maintenance

Have you thought about an au-pair?

An au pair would be great, but I have three bedrooms and my kids are a boy and a girl so need their own rooms. Thank you for the suggestion

And I pick them up after school every day, make them dinner every day, homework, after school activities. He wouldn’t be able to look after them later on in the day - I finish work earlier.

A nanny comes to your house

A cm looks after children at their own home

Either would be fine

Open easier and cheaper to find a cm and drop your child/ren to the cm

Prob is as your youngest is 7 they will count in numbers for cm - diff when 8

Ask at school or on local town /school Fb page for cm who go to kids school

I get my child up and dressed for drop off at breakfast club at 7.30. Its literally dress and out the door with toothbrush in car. Breakfast is at breakfast club.

From my experience childminders starting at 7 am are rare but you may get lucky.

Thanks for all the helpful suggestions - I have begun the search. Wish me luck!

Could be tricky with nannies as well because you would need to register as their employer if it is a regular arrangement. I would look for a childminder as many do start early.