Using childcare to control someone

[dianne123]

Hi all,
My boyfriends ex girlfriend (the mother of their child) is consistent on using childcare as a way to try and control him.
We have been together for 3 years now and for the most part we have had it quite easy, if that's the word, compared to some situations I have read on here. I have a lovely relationship with their child and she has no problem with that, I'd hope anyway. We have been through the solicitor route to arrange my boyfriends days. Which is 2 days a week and 1 day on the weekend. She has always been above work, never interested her and speaks ill of a 9 - 5 "why would i work a meaningless 9 - 5 when I can be at home with my child" fair enough each to their own. This is only an issue because she cannot fathom how work isn't just something me and my partner are able to drop whenever she snaps her fingers for childcare. Anyway, her most recent demand is that we ask for her permission to go away or make plans if it is on a weekend. The current agreement is if we are to go away we inform her 2 weeks before. We have had it where something coincidently happens when she knows we are going away. I fear that this new demand is her new way of being in control. Am I overthinking this or not? Thanks !

Your post doesn't make sense.

If you go away with your partner on days/weekends where he's scheduled to have his child then of course he should tell her as far in advance as possible. This is because it upsets the child. It will cause emotional health and can even mental health issues as the child gets older not knowing when they are going to see their parent.

If it is on other days then no nothing needs to be communicated.

If there is no schedule for him seeing his child then he needs to sort one out for a minimum of 6 months in advance unless he works shifts. Then he needs to talk to his employer about his working patterns and arrange a schedule as far in advance as possible. This is because the child needs to know when they are going to see him next.

Is it 1 day every weekend? Seems a bit odd as no-one then gets either a whole weekend with dc to do something with them, or a whole weekend without the dc. Would 2 nights every 2nd weekend be an option?

Oh and looking after your child isn't childcare it is parenting. So you are posting in the wrong section.

In your case you should be posting on the step-parenting board.

In his case he should be posting on the divorce/separated board.

This is the reverse of @hannahr23 thread from this morning