How would becoming a childminder affect my own children?

[Midnites]

I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old and I'm currently on maternity leave.

I would like to train as a childminder and am in contact with my local authority about it but I just wanted to pick someone's brains on how this can affect your own kids.

I've read on some threads on here that it can be quite difficult for them, leave them feeling like they aren't a priority and that their house isn't their own which I don't want them to feel like.. I would be looking to take on to 2 preschoolers initially alongside my youngest (my eldest would be 5 and in full time school at this stage) possibly taking on a couple of after school kids down the line although at that stage I'd need a bigger vehicle I imagine with all the seats. But I'd be there for pick up and drop off, would take the minded kids along with me to whatever school events I can but the biggest thing is I'll be there. I might not always be able to give them 100% of my attention but I will always be there.

The alternative is I return to my job and my eldest spends 3 days a week in school wraparound care 8am-6pm and my youngest in a private nursery the same hours, and the school holidays are spent being juggled between clubs, leave and whatever family member is willing

I appreciate there will be difficulties for them that come along with me opening our home to more children, but surely for them this is the better option of the two because I will be there?

This is aside from the personal/professional reasons that I want to do this, I'm just thinking about my kids at this point to make sure I'm acting in their best interests too.

The alternative

Missed out key detail, only looking to take on two preschoolers alongside my youngest for three days a week, so there would be 4 days a week just me and my kids and no mindees.

My mum was a childminder, albeit when I was in primary school. I loved it, got on well with the kids and it was like having friends over after school every day.

Yeah. Look at it like that and just do it. I think the hardest part is having your boundaries respected. Pick up at 6pm on a Friday doesn't mean 6.25 on a Friday.

My Mum was a childminder for 10 years starting when I was about 12 and my youngest sister was 3/4. Playing with the babies was fun and the little kids were company for my littlest sister. I never felt any resentment but it was an eyeopener for me on how much work little kids/babies are and did (at least partially!) inform my decision not to have kids myself! My Mum loved looking after the children and built long lasting relationships with them (and their parents) but she found the admin/accounts/being self employed side of things stressful.

Oh well those are much more positive responses than I'd read previously, thank you!

I think a lot of it would depend on how well organised you are. If the kidd go home and your home returns to its normal state or if the upheaval lingers on.

I'm a childminder, have been for six years. My boys are 9 and 7. I was a Montessori teacher before. My kids love the minded children, and ask every day who is coming today. My eldest is responsible and helpful and loves babies- which is lovely as we aren't having any more of our own!

Join independent childminders on Facebook as there's lots of support there.

I was a childminder up until 21, my kids loved it when they were young but towards the end when they were 10/12 they hated it and had done for a few years. They never got me to themselves, it was long hours they got fed up with the kids always being there plus the screaming, tantrums. Sad that I could not attend school events unless I booked the day off . Patent would arrive at the very last minute to collect them expect 30 mins hand over, try to send an in sick kids.

I am a childminder with a 6 and a 2 year old. The 2 year old loves her friends and sometimes when she wakes from a nap when they are not here she goes looking for them which is really sweet. She gives them big hugs when they come in and cries when they leave.

my 6year old was the only child for 4years and very attached to me. She was home during covid etc. it’s been a big change for her and she would prefer it to be just us, I have explained I get money from it which we need. I think she would have benefited from me doing this already when she was younger, but then she has always been a more challenging kid. She is also very helpful with the kids helping them with their shoes etc. She has her room where she can keep toys she doesn’t want the minded kids to touch, everything in the playroom and living room is for everyone to play with.

I was a childminder for school-aged children before/after school and in holidays (no little ones) for a few years.

It's fab if your children get on with the minded children and enjoy playing with them. For a couple of years I did holiday care for mindees who became good friends with my kids and it was like getting paid to do playdates! Lovely days out, picnics etc. I loved those times.

However, some mindees are easier than others, and I had a couple of mindees who didn't get on with my children and that was very difficult.
In fact it was a major reason why I left childminding - plus my children were getting older and wanted their home to be for them and their chosen friends only - which I completely understood.

It's also a lot of responsibility, long hours for little money and you have to keep on top of Ofsted requirements. I can imagine looking after multiple two-year-olds is hugely challenging and tiring (I never did that age group - primary age children are much more my bag!)

It was a relief to get my house and personal home life back when I stopped childminding. But I don't regret it as when it worked well, it was brilliant.

I've been a childminder for 23 years. Both of my children have been brought up with me childminding. I decided to do it when my eldest-now 25- was born because I couldn't afford childcare for him.
My daughter is 20.
It's honestly the best thing I did for my family. I was always there if they were ill, or upset. Or off school for holidays. I was always there for school plays, parents evenings, sports days etc, and I did the school run every day with them.They made friends with the minded children, and are still in touch with them now

In Year 10/11 at secondary school, my daughter was badly bullied-a lot had gone on before I eventually found out. Being at home meant I was there for her if I needed to be.I knew how she was when she left the house and was there if she needed to come home and at the end of the day if she needed me.I'm so glad she didn't have an empty house to come back to if she'd had a crap day. My son summed it up a couple of years ago when he came home from work. He gave me a hug and kiss and said " I still love you being home when I come in".
There are ups and downs, but in my experience the goods far outweigh the bads. Your own children will adjust, and as the grow older they'll realise that you've done it mainly for them so that nobody else had to look after them.

I’m a childminder, 12yrs going strong.
it’s a hard job because it’s in your home and it takes over your life as well as your partners/children’s lives.

In reality I don’t make it to every assembly, school play or sports day because I can’t take three toddlers with me to those events. My children do also need just me sometimes and I find myself being unable to help them and often prioritise ‘paying’ children.

However, I don’t need childcare, I can drop off and collect from school, I can keep them at home if they are unwell, and I don’t need to consider what to do with them during 6 weeks. I know they get bored though as I have under 3s and they are school age.

I also found it difficult asserting my boundaries to begin with, parents must collect on time and they must pay on time etc but you get better at that.

My cousin is a childminder, she has a buggy for 3 when she does school pick ups. If she takes them out for a day, she gets her Mum, who was also a childminder to come with her or arranges with other childminders to meet up. Her own daughter used to help, but when she got to about 10, she would go straight to her room after school, although would help if asked. Her current clients are teachers, so she gets most of the school holidays off, which is useful as she is able to look after older children that she had previously as babies.

I imagine you finding two preschoolers who want the same three days might be slim.

You can't really take mindees to school events either, it's not appropriate or fair on your child or the mindees. My friend is a childminders and always books time off for school events or sends a grandparent.

It also really restricts your own child's after school activities like swimming lessons, dance classes, football etc. Unless your husband will always be available to take them there are back?

I'm not a CM but I have a fab one. She only works 3 days, term time only. She doesn't do early mornings or late nights - she is obviously amazing which is why she can set her own terms.
Her dc and mine are similar ages and get on really well. She has firm boundaries about minders not being allowed upstairs, and her dc keep their precious toys and gnats in their bedrooms. She's really selective about who she takes, and chooses dc she thinks will get on with hers. She and her dc seem really happy with it all.

My kids would hate it. Introverts who like their own down time after school. Would prevent their attendance at after school activities as well.

I have so many thoughts on this topic.

I’ve been a childminder for 8 years, and have a 5 year old, 3 year old and 1 year old. I work alongside my husband. I became a childminder because I genuinely love children and feel very passionately about good quality provision in the early years.

I am immensely proud of my setting, and the provision I offer… but I find the combination of parenting and working really, really difficult. I have lovely mindees and my children adore them. Everyone gets on well, and my children have little friends for life I’m sure. I’m so pleased about the network we have around us as a result of my work, and my children have so many wonderful experiences that I just wouldn’t be able to offer if I wasn’t childminding.

Having said that, there are a LOT of sacrifices too. My children have to share basically everything they own, including both of their parents. When they’re unwell we can’t cancel work, so they often have to go to grandparents and can’t be in the comfort of their own home. I’ve never been to a single one of my daughter’s school performances or sports day etc without a hoard of mindees in tow. She adores them, but she also would love for me to show up as just mummy sometimes.

Arguably what has been most difficult has been my eldest starting school. She comes home at what is my busiest time of day. I’m packing backs for home time, cooking dinner, dealing with children who are cranky and tired and ready to go home and my poor daughter just needs to reconnect with me after a long day at school. She is very much ushered away a lot of the time because the priority has to be the children I’m being paid to care for. It’s the first time I’ve seen her really resent the fact that I’m working.

Some things work thinking about:

How will you ensure your eldest has adequate rest time after school? Will you allow him to chill with screens, and how will your minded families feel about screen time?

is there adequate space for your children to have time and space away from the mindees when needed? Sometimes for us this just means my daughter being able to sit and do her reading at the dining room table in a different room

What support do you have in place for when your own children are unwell?

Think long and hard about which hours you agree to do. It’s very easy to be persuaded to offer longer hours than you’re comfortable with and resentment can build very quickly. I have zero tolerance now with families who repeatedly cut into my own family’s evenings. Of course everyone is late sometimes, and that’s fine. But I never let it become a habit as it just isn’t fair on my own children.

How will you keep toys separate?

Just my own anecdotal experience too, I would suggest starting minding sooner rather than later. My children have all been born into minding and I think this has helped hugely with their relationship with the mindees, and them being so accepting of sharing me. I know multiple mindees who have started minding with toddlers or preschoolers and very quickly packed it in as a result of their own child finding the transition too difficult.

Good luck!