Returning to full-time work

[BlessedT]

I feel like the only mum returning to full time work after maternity leave. I also dont have the luxury of working from home. I have a 35 minute drive to and from work each day.

If I work part time, we would have no savings at all and be unable to go on holidays or buy anything extra.

Please someone tell me I'm not alone or mad. Whenever I attend playgroups or meet other mums they are all going back part time and I feel judged when I mention I'm returning full time!

I have four kids and I work full time, always have done. I do have a cleaner to help me out and can work from home 3 days a week. Any my mum helps with childcare so I don't pay all my salary on creche fees! But it's not easy.

I will be going back about 33 hours a week. Would love to do full time but childcare costs for baby twins are so high

I've always worked full time. I did compressed hours when I first went back so 5 days over 4 and had one day off with them, my husband did the same and had one day off then they were in childcare for 3 long days (7.30 to 5.45)

I went back full time after no. 1. Currently on mat lave with no. 2, but will be going back full time. No condensed hours etc.

The bugs they.. and you.. get at the start suck, but other than that it totally works for me. Love my kids beyond life, but as I see them less i find I am really present and it is lovely- I also get to be the "adult" version of me

Thanks for responding. How do you cope with dinners? Still teaching them things? Family time?

This is helpful to know. Thank you for your honesty! What has been the most challenging/rewarding?

This week is my first back full time, not sure how I’m going to manage as almost everything seems to land on me due to my husbands job but that’s the plan and hopefully will figure it out. I’ve tried working part time for a couple of months but it hasn’t felt right for me. I feel guilty whichever way I do anything 🤦🏼‍♀️but to answer your question it’s not just you :)

I went back full time in January when my baby was one. It was hard at first especially going from spending everyday together for a year but it has got easier as time has gone on.
I'd love to work part time but I don't want to struggle for money so this is the solution to that.
I tried to pre-book some time off, even if just one day for a long weekend, every month so I felt like I always had something to look forward to and that really helped!
I've also had to take a few periods of time off work due to sickness and the baby not being able to go to the childminder and whilst this is hard from a work point of view, I just saw it as an opportunity to spend more time together!
Good luck, don't let anyone make you feel bad, providing for you family is important too

Thank you! I feel judged when I mention it at playgroups. Equally if I worked part time, I wonder if I would actually take her to playgroups or if I would just use it to sleep! Guilt is a real issue either way.

Thank you so much!!! I still have 3 months to go. I've been crying all day worrying about it as I have no friends working full-time.

I was the exact same, worried about it for months leading up to it. I'm sorry you feel like that but try not to let it take away from your precious time now.
It will all be ok think of all the lovely things you'll be able to do at the weekends - perhaps write a list of all the places you'd love to take your baby and plan to work your way through

Challenging - definitely the early sickness. I was prepared for DC1 to be sick, I was not prepared for how sick we would be! (started in winter and was a lockdown baby, so probably as bad as it could be).

Rewarding- actually how DC1 has thrived ar nursery. They are so happy there and has made lovely friendships. It has also meant that with DC2 I can spend time with them, as I still had full enhanced mat leave so could continue to afford nursery. In my role - although people are part time - I actually found the time I took off (I had extra leave I used up slowly) that meant I was sort of part time , made work feel more stressful.

Im going back full time (50 hours a week) when my baby is 5.5 months old. I get judged all the time. My husband has never been judged on it. Pisses me off. Don’t feel bad, do what you have to do. Mums have to deal with enough shit and judgement.

DH and I agreed that I didn’t have to be polite about ‘wouldn’t you rather be part time?’ when anyone had asked him that. It never happened. I am a much better mother for working FT. I was utterly miserable at the tail end of maternity leave. Trick is to have brilliant childcare, in our case a childminder who has now had my eldest for almost a decade. The DC really miss her in the holidays (DH is a teacher so has them then…this also means he has a full view of how much work it is!).

Worst bit - women judging me.

Best bit - my DSs firmly believe is relationships that involve equal contribution in all things…unlike a fair few of their mates who (aged 10) are dismissive of their mothers because their fathers say things like ‘it’s my house because I pay for it’. (I wish this wasn’t true…maybe the boys exaggerate to each other in the playground?).

Statistically you're going to meet more people working part time (or not at all) than full time at play groups during the working week. With 3 months to go a lot of parents with similar age kids will have gone back to work already as that's typically when the unpaid period of parental leave starts.

Ultimately though, it doesn't matter. Do what suits your family.

I also totally agree with the comments above that literally nobody has ever questioned a man continuing to work full time after becoming a father.

You're not alone! I'm heading back to work full time next month after 13 months of mat leave with my second. My kids love their nursery settings, I would go mental if I had to look after them all day every day, and I enjoy getting to use a different part of my brain and not be dirty and sticky all day! Where I am in London there are plenty of dual earner couples so I guess I don't feel quite as much of an outlier, but even if I did, I'm not sure I'd care what some random judgmental mums think. I'm happy, my family is happy - who cares what anyone else thinks? There's always some adjustments when you go back as your old familiar routines will have to change now that your life has changed, but eventually you'll settle into your new routines. Good luck!

I currently work part time but will need to go full time due to cost of living. I’m very sad about it too. I’m hoping to manage with strategic use of annual leave so that I have something to look forward to. I’m also hoping finances might stretch to a fortnightly cleaner even if other things have to go.

How are you finding things?

I totally agree. I think my mental health will thank me for it. Also I think my husband will have more respect in the long run.

Did you prefer part time hours? Did you use the off days for childcare?

@BlessedT the first week was tricky! But getting into the groove now and into a new routine . My headspace is much better than when I was PT (other than the inevitable guilt) and I’m enjoyable using my brain again 😅 DS is getting on well at nursery as well so that helps. I definitely feel it’s what best for us as individuals and as a family right now :)

I have always worked FT and really resented it, tbh. It's not that bad in terms of juggling it all around, I just feel like I live in work and am green with jealousy. Sorry, not very motivational but it is totally doable!

Back full time but with flexi time so Monday I am home with her and just do a few hours of work while she's napping. Then I do sort of split shifts the rest of the week, so start about 8am and pick DD up from nursery at 4pm which gives plenty of time for family time, preparing a nutritious home cooked meal from scratch etc. Finish off my other hours after she's in bed. DH is off with her on Tuesday so she only has three days of nursery anyway.
Pros - money, grown up time, career progression, happiness, contentment, lovely special day just me and DD together on Mondays.
Cons - is a bit of a juggle at times but all works out. Will only work if your DH is an active participant in the parenting.