Help with nursery / childminder decision!

[EdinburghAnon163]

I wanted a childminder for my baby as I had for my eldest and started looking 5 months before I was due to return to work. Couldn't find one, so my one year old had to start nursery in April (eldest's childminder has retired)

It's a lovely nursery but we have had all the problems I expected from nursery which is why I'd been looking for a childminder in the first place. Very short naps leading to overtired screaming at bedtime, horrible separation anxiety and heartbreaking crying on drop off and pick up and weeks of back to back illnesses for him and the whole family - chest infection, colds, tonsilitis, conjunctivitis, oral thrush and D&V to top it off!

I work freelance so it's been really stressful - I've not been able to book work in which has been a relief as I wasn't letting anyone down, but it also means I've not made any money and I've still had to pay £100s in nursery fees while he and I have been off!

I've now just found a really nice childminder where he could start from September but I'm mentally paralysed trying to make the decision to move! He's now settled at the nursery - what if the bugs are all over now? What if it somehow doesn't work at the childminder and we've lost the nursery place? He can go to the school nursery down the road from age 2 but I think that place is really better for 3+

I think I'm afraid of yet another change and messing with the routine again - should I just do it??? Help!

You will find that people (especially on MN!) are firmly and strictly in either camp, so always difficult to get balanced views.

FWIW, my child is at nursery.

if your child is more settled now, I’d be inclined to keep them there. I promise the bugs get better (as in they get less of them!) which will be great for when they start school (likely to get less at a childminder!)

there are pros and cons to both, but each parent might see things differently.

For me, nursery won because I liked the idea of him being with a larger group of children his own age, with a number of adults to respect (getting him ready for school!), rather than be with a childminder who might have no children at the same age.

some parents prefer a childminder setting because it has more of a home vibe. They go in the car to shops, activities etc, but funnily enough that’s why I didn’t want a CM - he has a home setting with me half the time, and I wanted him in the nursery setting too.

Lots of other pros and cons too. I wanted a setting which taught the EYFS. Not all CMs do. CMs also get sick and take holiday which is something to consider (you mention your freelance - would this be a problem?)

its personal preference, but if your child is settled perhaps leave them - you might need to go through separation anxiety etc again!

Looking longer term does the childminder do school pick up or holiday care linked to the primary school you may choose? I had an amazing CM who had my child for 9years because she covered full wrap around from baby to primary school. My eldest went to a nursery and if I had my time again I would have used a CM for her too. But I got lucky she was amazing lots days out, crafts and socialising.

Also add it depends on the child too, mine is an introvert and needed that quieter smaller setting, we actually initially tried the same nursery the eldest had been at but pulled her out after 6wks as she hated it and found the CM.

"I wanted a setting which taught the EYFS. Not all CMs do."

It's the statutory framework for all Early Years settings.

@Nearlyamumoftwo
All early years setting including childminders work to the EYFS if they don't they are graded inadequate. What do you understand as the EYFS?
The only times I go to shops are learning experiences like buying ingredients for making fruit salad...they have their own list. To visit a post office put stamps on post a letter. In the afternoons we are home 1 to 3 but in the mornings I am with 4 to 6 other childminders doing forest school or at a hall/library etc the children all have 6 to 8 friends of their developmental age as well as older role models.
My point being you can't generalise by a label ....oh and I've not shut for any illness in 6 years the nurseries around here have all shut on odd days for staffing reasons if I did shut my network childminders know the children and typically could help out.

Personally I prefer nursery for various reasons. Reliability and stability is one of them (not closing for sickness, holidays, etc. - I have no other childcare options available and work FT). Nursery is also a much more structured/institutionalised environment which prepares them for schools. And I wouldn't like the idea of some stranger being alone with my child all day, particularly till they can't say that something's wrong. In nursery there are lots of adults and thus lots more oversight.

But again, each to their own. I had a friend who had a lovely childminder but she was her friend so she trusted her fully and she did make sure that the kids had varied activities. And there was no watching TV at all.

Good luck with the decision OP. Do what feels right for you.

@jannier for christ’s sake calm down. Parents should consider that CMs get sick and also go on holiday which results in another CM (who the child may not know) having to step in or the setting closing entirely. If you can say you’ve never had a day off in 6 years, I can say that thre nursery may child goes to hasn’t closed since it was open. You tell me not to label but you’ve done the same thing. And going to choose fruit or go to the post office is the same thing as what a parent might do, whereas a parent might not be able to find lots of other 3yo children to learn and play with in the run up to school

@EdinburghAnon163 as you will find, people are firmly in one camp, just consider if it’s worth removing your child if they’re already settling somewhere else - but mum knows best!

I have actually had a total of less than 3 weeks unplanned in 29 years... I also have a cominder and an assistant.
The only reason I mentioned shops is because you did saying CMS go to shops I'm saying I don't unless it's to facilitate a learning experience. I obviously do a lot more than a parent does because im a 3 times outstanding setting and lead practitioner advising other settings including nursery.
My post was to balance your misconceptions....many of us have degrees for example.

Interesting you ignore the EYFS question.

@jannier of course it’s not a misconception - CM do need to take unplanned leave, eg if their own children are ill or they are ill - it’s great you are not one of them. CMs may also take holiday which does not align with the parents needs (eg if the CM wants a week off in august, parents of a 12 month off might not want that). You can’t say CMs don’t do that! Same would be said that it is a misconception kids who go to nursery don’t get sick more - of course they do:

I think what I meant is that although CMs are required to follow them, not all do - I know 4 parents who stopped using different CMs for that reason. With so many children and therefore parents involved with a nursery, it’s less likely they will not, although I of course accept there is such a thing as a terrible nursery.

Yes, I said they go to shops and you admit they do - I don’t need someone else to take my kid to a post office and pick out bananas at a green grocer as I can do that. However I can’t offer them a setting which prepares them for school, hence going down the nursery route.

I didn’t say CMs are uneducated as you suggest (you pointed out many have degrees which suggests you thought I didn’t realise that) - it’s a tough job and I couldn’t do it, I’m merely pointing out that there are differences and it’s entirely personal preference, eg as you will know a lot of parents like the idea of a kid spending more time outdoors at a CM and not in the same room/garden all day as they are at nursery.

You pick a childminder that has cover. Obviously holidays are going to happen and I agree it can be a downside if you don't take them.....most childminders don't have young children in my area at least I only know 2 that have children under 18. Everyone I know registers a family member as an assistant. Many work with co minders and assistants.
Most families do not visit local greengrocers.....which is why schools take 5 year olds to them many now online shop or leave child at home.....you implied they do their own food shopping or pop around the shops window shopping few would do this....shops can be learning if I go ingredient buying we look at all the fruit talk shape size colour count them....and pick some we've never tasted to try at home.
All settings follow the EYFS .....this includes school readiness....what do you think school readiness is? All are inspected by the same inspectors....mine was in a school nursery the week before.....and against the same criteria so a good nursery works the same as a good childminder.
Again do you know what is in the EYFS that you say is not happening?
So from all you say the only always true is holidays ....most people know that before they look and don't consider closed over Christmas or 2 weeks in summer an issue against having the same person for 10 years and knowing if they have an emergency out of hours someone will help.

It's comes down to personal preference, and the best way to decide which works best for you is to visit as many as you can, read the Ofsted reports carefully, and check with parents already attending. Do not rely solely on Facebook recommendations, or gushing reviews.

There are some misconceptions about childminders being posted here.

As pointed out, all settings follow the EYFS, which is statutory for registered Early Years settings, and that includes what they need to prepare them for school. With childminders, part of that preparation for school is to visit the school and meet the teachers and children when we pick up and drop off the older children who, of course, are sharing their own experience of school with the younger ones.

It's also not true that a nursery is more reliable than a childminder.
Nurseries can be hit with illness, too, and right now they're struggling with staffing issues. That can mean you turn up with your child one morning, only to be turned away because they can't staff your child's room.
Some have had to reduce hours, days or weeks for their families, some have had place offers rescinded.
In my area, it's quite common since Covid and it's been the local childminders who have helped out.

Nor is it necessarily the case that more staff means more oversight. It's what should happen, and does in a good nursery, but a bad one will have all the staff joining in, or too scared to raise a concern.
A childminder who is out and about in the community and attending playgroups is much more likely to be reported if there's a problem.
There are good and bad examples in all types of settings. That's why it's so important to look carefully.

The type of setting that suits you and your family is down to your personal preference, but it's important that you should get an accurate picture of what each type of setting offers. When incorrect information is posted, it should be challenged.

It's definitely worth considering the pros and cons and bearing in mind that one childminder is not the same as another (apart from that we do all have to follow the eyfs, which is basically just providing them with strong positive relationships and lots of opportunities to play that meet all areas of learning). I meet with another childminder most days so we are a group of 8 for most of the days. We have plenty of outings to parks, woods and beaches and have taken part in forest schools and intergenerational music programs locally. We had owls visit my house this week which provided loads of learning opportunities for lots of children as we had 4 childminders here together,and was an all round lovely experience.

However, I have had to close several times this year when my son has had chicken pox or a sick bug, illnesses travel just as fast round the children here as at nursery and without the back up of additional staff I find it hard to be as strict about spare clothes and healthy lunches etc (which could be seen as a bonus for parents). I've seen threads where people complain that their cm is doing housework when they should be looking after children, I never do anything that isn't cleaning up the kitchen or playroom where we spend the time, and nursery also have house keeping!

We chose nursery but it's an individual choice, and it seems to me your heart is wanting to move him. I think you should trust to that.

School nursery is an option for later, but it's not compulsory. He could stay with the CM until he starts school if he's thriving.

Do trust your gut. When you see your child thriving, you know it.

Thanks all! I didn't mean to start an argument about which choice is better, was just looking for any way to break my mental paralysis on the matter! It was what my heart wanted but it was hard having gone through such a rough period and accepting the nursery to then decide to move him again, even though it was the original plan.

I think nurseries absolutely adorable for older children and I loved seeing what my older son got up to when he was 3+, I just wanted to be able to keep the routine the same and have him looked after by one person who I get to know well while he's so little. After over 2 months at the current nursery I still don't know if he has a formal key worker, I constantly see people I don't know looking after the kids and they now want to move him to tweenies where it just all looks too much like a school classroom for me for my 14 month old.

But each to their own and there's definitely something to be said for the reliability and structure of nursery.... not trying to say which was better was just trying to get a bit of clarity in my own mind after this confusing experience!!!

We have booked with the childminder and he'll be moving in September.