Anyone here as an adult who had multiple caregivers as a baby?

[Cockerspanielloverx]

Hi, stressing as will be sending my 6 month old to nursery and childminder full time. Hoping there won’t be attachment issues, but want to hear others stories.

Most women who work obviously.

Nursery should have one main key worker and childminder is obviously one person.

Me and I still knew who my mum was and loved seeing her on the weekend and evenings. Yes I missed her but I also had a strong attachment to her and was fine. They get very close to childcare like they’re other family members.

the childminder she goes to will have 2/3 assistants as she can take up to 12 children. Just worried is all but reassuring to hear these stories thank you. People I’ve spoken to seem shocked that I’m sending her full time at 6 months old and with all these caregivers will be like a foster child and struggle with attachment. Looking for reassurance so thank you.

Me. My parents sent me and later my sibling to a childminder from 3 months (limited maternity leave then). Absolutely no issues - we’re a very close family and always have been. Please don’t worry, OP. Most women work and send their children to childcare and always have.

A lot of the “research” and “evidence” around this sort of thing is utter nonsense because for obvious reasons social scientists can’t conduct controlled experiments which holds for other variables.

That’s great to hear, thank you. Awful reading this research, feel like a rubbish mum.

Unfortunately my partner works from home once a week and the current nursery is near his work which is 40 mins away whereas the childminder is 15 mins away.

My DC went into nursery part time at 7 months and then full time from about a year, same with DC2.

I have amazing attachments with both of them as does my DH. Kids are both happy and secure at home and have the added benefit of having lots of secure, positive relationships with other adults.

I see our nursery as an extension of our family circle, my kids have now known their nursery nurses (and the other kids) for 3/4 years. We see them out and about in town, in the park, DC2 now goes to reception with some of them.

It’s absolutely normal and fine. It is NOT the same as a foster situation, whatever that is meant to mean!

You do what is right for your family, it’s no one else’s business. Millions of families rely on childcare to support them through the early years, it’s insulting to suggest that somehow damages their relationship with their kids.

You’ll be fine OP!

Also, the CM set up with assistants is brilliant. It has the advantages of a warm home set up but with more staff so there are always eyes on the children (which is the advantage of a nursery). My child went to one like that before nursery later and it was brilliant. As well as being homely, the number of staff meant the children could be taken on trips. They took the babies to the park, baby sensory classes, music classes etc and as they got older, on trips to the zoo and even to the theatre when aged 2! That doesn’t happen in nurseries and doesn’t often happen in sole childminder settings. Our child loved it and so did we.

DC went to nursery albeit pt from four and five months old.
They are 20 and 18 now, both incredibly bright and independent off at uni.
All bonded just fine and my pension looks great.

Of course it happens with sole childminders. They have less children, due to working alone, so are equally capable as a childminder with assistants and the higher number of children to match staff

I don’t quite understand why you are using two settings? Why not childminder full time?

We put DS in nursery part time from 6 months and full time from 9 months.
He's 9 now and we've had zero issues with attachment.
In fact, he talks very fondly of his 'first school', the staff and friends he made ( he was there until he started school)

Awful reading this research, feel like a rubbish mum.

You aren't a rubbish mum. Is dad a rubbish dad for working and using childcare?

The key takeaway from the research is this:

The quality of the childcare is key

Childcare in young babies doesn't add any benefits but it's not detrimental (so it's neutral)

Older children (from around 2) can benefit from childcare/nursery/pre-school.

I didn’t say it never happens. I’m sure there are sole childminders who do this but the ones we interviewed did trips far less often because they couldn’t split into groups e.g of one or two of the children have different nap times they can’t take the third out to a class that happens to be run at that time. The setting we used could tailor to the varying children’s needs because there were more staff members.

It’s simply not true that sole childminders look after fewer children as the maximum ratio of carers to children is the same for both by law. I’m really not denigrating sole childminders, just outlining my experience of finding a setting that worked for my child and explaining to the OP that she needn’t worry about this aspect.

Yes, the ratio is still the same however, for example, 2 people looking after 12 children is the same as one looking after 6 meaning equally as capable of outings. It’s just something I wanted to point out as all the sole childminders I know do equally as rewarding and varied visits as someone with an assistant does. It gives a balanced view of childminders as there are many more sole workers than those with assistants.

Sole CMS are out with children all the time. This week we've done forest school, farm visit, library and a toddler group.

I actually don't know any childminders who don't go out at least 2 or 3 times a week children nap when you're out if it's a morning or whole day thing ...most classes are AM and most children over 1 have pm naps or are transitioning towards it. If you were a SAHM to a few children or caring for several children at a weekend you don't stay in all day due to naps.

In the late 50s/very early 60s my sibling and I were passed around various family and friends, sometimes together, sometimes apart in an informal fostering manner. This was due to serious illness in the family and my father working away. As far as I can tell, we were looked after well and I really do not think it had any lasting effects.

This was me and two of my siblings — we were substantially raised by a grandfather and great-uncle for years.

DS went to a childminder from seven months.

That’s good to hear thanks. I like hearing reassuring stories. I know how important the early years are and just stress thinking I will mess her up for life.

Can I ask if you feel this affected you in any way?

It won't be anything like going to foster care because they will have you/DH at home. Whoever is telling you these things has grossly misunderstood attachment science! And I don't even know that much about it, only A Level Psychology really. But no. You don't break a secure attachment by using childcare. That's simply not how it works. And if the childcarer is warm and responsive then there won't be any issue caused at all.

It's when children are suddenly removed for a prolonged period that attachment is damaged. And when they are cared for by somebody neglectful or having a traumatic experience in the absence of an attachment figure. In the 1960s for example, children used to be admitted to hospital if they needed surgery etc, without a parent. Attachment research was used to show why this is detrimental, and once parents were encouraged to stay with their children they found the children recovered better.

Your childminder will become a secondary attachment figure to your baby, assuming they are warm and responsive which I'm sure they will be. So when something does happen that's scary or upsetting, like for example falling over, the baby will have a relationship with the childminder by then and be able to seek comfort. Don't worry!

That really is a lovely comment to read and has really boosted my mood on the whole thing. It makes sense when you explain it. Thank you so much x