Guilt of working, what do I do?

[AP1234]

Does anyone else feel so guilty about going back to work?
I have twins who are 19 months and 7yo Dd.
I am a nurse and was offered an amazing job opportunity 10 weeks ago which I took and put my twins into nursery. It took some time but they’ve adapted well and now enjoy going.
I work 25 hours which is 9-5 3 days a week and one extra day a month. We are currently struggling to find care on the one day a month, and live near no family for support.
my boss has asked me if I could do 30 hours which would be 4 days a week. Obviously this would mean putting the twins in nursery 4 days and my daughter having to go to afterschool club for two days. I’m so torn what to do, I feel 4 days is a lot for toddlers and hate having to put my daughter in after school club although it doesn’t seem to bother her.

I currently work 2 long Sunday shifts (7:30-8pm) at the local hospital to help financially and if I did the 30 hours I wouldn’t have to do the Sundays any more so we would get every weekend together.
im trying to weigh up the pros and cons and everything sits 50/50 at the minute.

I love my job and there’s so many opportunities that could come with it. My husband retires in 3 years and I will be the main income then.

but at the same time I love spending time with my children 🥲🥲

It sounds like it’s you that would be more bothered than the kids. Your feelings are still important of course, but you don’t need to feel guilty about them if they are fine and happy in childcare.

Personally I would place a lot of value on getting the Sundays back, and the extra income and job opportunities, especially if you will be the main earner fairly soon. And you would still have one weekday a week not working. Since your children are happy in childcare it seems a fairly clear decision to me.

You do sound like your gut reaction would be to say no to the extra time. I would listen to that.
If you feel like you are tempted to do the extra hours then ask your boss if you can do it just for 6 months only with a specific end date noted. That way when the end date comes if you are feeling desperate to go back to your usual hours you don't have to have a pressurised convo with boss to lower your hours again, it will already be expected.
I work very long hours 5 days a week with my son in nursery and totally understand the guilt. If they start acting up-even if its developmentally normal for their age you do start blaming yourself and thinking if I was around more would they be more settled etc which is why I recommend the 6 months trial of longer hours!
Best of luck x

Take the job. You need the income security and career and the kids will be absolutely fine.

Mine are older now and looking back they remember the nice days out, they don’t honk about the times you aren’t there or at work.

If they are happy and settled you need to think about what you want - short term you have everyone covered - in three years your DH will be retired and he can do the school runs etc then you need to be in a good position for your career.

Yoi are choosing to feel guilty - does your husband feel guilty being away from the children 5 days a week?

Can you turn down the extra hours? A job is always there, but you won't get that time back from your kids. This way it's a win-win, you get to work doing what you enjoy and spending time with your children as well

Hours wise this makes far more sense than your current set up. So you do an extra 7.5 hour day once a month, plus two 12.5 hour days on the Sundays so that's 32.5 hours. You're gaining more time with your children if you drop the Sundays and by booking them into regular weekly childcare you lost the stress each month of trying to find that random day's childcare.
Seems a no brainer to me.

The children will be completely fine. I have to work full time (condensed hours so 4 days), we can't afford financially not to. I did a very slow phased return with DD when I went back after maternity leave so she did 2 days for a few months, then 3 days for a few months before starting at 4 and she was so well settled by the time we got to 4 days she honestly didn't react at all to being in the extra day so I'd imagine your twins will be very similar if it sounds like they're really well settled already.
You don't need to feel guilty at all. You are showing them that you can be both an incredible Mum and go out there and have aspirations to build a career that you love. For me personally, this is what I want my DD to see.

Take the job. 4 days a week, all weekends off. Still one day off during the week. You'd be mad not to.

Take the extra hours and get back your weekends as quality family time

I'd take the 30 hours if it means all your weekends are free, especially as you have a school aged child too

Take the job. Your children will be fine and it sounds a lot better than a 12 hour shift on a Sunday which is not at all family friendly!