Career or SAHM crossroads

[hopingforadvice]

Since having children (DS3; DD1) my priority has always been to pause my career in order to spend as much time with them as possible in their early years, and I have been fortunate to have been able to work part-time temporary locum contracts. Due to childcare issues, I have not worked at all this year and have been a SAHM instead. My life is utterly dedicated to my children and I have adored every second of being there with them this year. We have taken a big hit financially but we know this is a temporary position until they are both at school.

My local hospital (in which I have worked previously and loved) have just offered me a full-time role for a year in my dream field, which will lead to a permanent full-time position. This situation is incredibly rare and is my dream role! Long-term I know it is sensible to accept…especially as the locum work contracts are sporadic.

However I had planned on 2/3 more years of part-time work to enjoy this precious time with the children…and I cannot bear to think of dropping them off at a crèche for 5 long days, when they are so content in their routine with me at home. I don’t want to miss any part of their day. DS starts school in September so I’m so reluctant for him to experience two settings, back to back, before I can collect. We have no family help with childcare and my husbands job is totally inflexible so he won’t be able to WFH any day.

So I am seeking advice - dream career or time with my children!

I should have added I feel equally as anxious about using a childminder. I just am struggling with the thought of using childcare when we’ve had such a magical year together

I wouldn’t do it. They are small for such a short time.

To be honest, I wouldn't. Two parents full-time is difficult, the only people I know who do this either have masses of family support or only have one kid. I know people will be along shortly to say that single parents do it, but in many cases they have no choice, whereas you do. Do you have a plan for school holidays?

Also I don't think your options are limited to the two extreme ones you suggest, why not get a part time role or carry on locuming and take a break during school summer holidays?

I wouldn't either. You need to be around at least for a bit when they first start school, it's not the right time to start a big job.

However, I'd tell them that... there will be some scope to recruit the right person (ie you) later in the year - after Easter. Or there will be scope for you to be part-time.

i gave up my career for my smal kids, not sure it was such a good idea in the long run but I’ve failed to get back into work so far…

anyway, if I was considering doing this myself then I would use a high quality nanny in the home rather than nursery or a child minder. Is that a possibility?

Think of both scenarios and fast forward a few years, going back to full time now or continuing to pass up your career to be with your young kids.. which one would you look back at and have more regret over, putting your kids in daycare/childcare earlier than intended, or missing out on a career opportunity that you believe to be rare?
Personally I would choose to have that quality time with my kids because that's precious years you'll never get back. And career opportunities will always come around again.
However, if you were to go back to work full time, although it would be hard not to have guilt, you really shouldn't feel guilty as you're doing what's best for you and your family.
But if you decide to stay home, don't have resentment over a missed career opportunity either. Great employers will always value great experience no matter when you decide is the right time go back back full time.

Is there any flexibility in your working arrangements with the contract you have been offered? Any option to delay a start date?

I had a career before my DC, so I’ve went back FT after my maternity leaves. Luckily I do have family to help with childcare so that has made it easier. Although people who I work with have been happy with child minders.

It’s a really tough decision because they are so young for a short time, but you also have a long time to work once these quick years go by.

Is your DH in his dream job, or could he change to something more flexible?

this is not just any job, it's your dream role. This opportunity might never come around again. Kids are indeed only little for a short time, but they are your DC for the rest of your life - wouldn't you having your dream job also benefit them? Both from financial perspective, and from not having a mum who secretly regrets missed oppportunities?

I would do it. As pp says get a nanny or au pair.

If you hate it you can always rethink, but if you say no, you might never get this opportunity again.

It is really hard using childcare for the first time but I got used to it surprisingly fast. Once you have found a provider you like and trust it feels much better.

Thanks everyone for such gentle and balanced replies. I have a lot to think about. Husband is in his dream role so no flexibility there. There’s no scope for part-time in this dream role. I think my anxiety is also rooted in disappointment at the poor quality childcare provision in our small area - I am familiar with them all and none are inspiring, or will provide the same nurture/stimulation that I know I do. I will look into a Nanny but I’m not sure it’s an option.

I would definitely take the job. You can always reassess in a few months.

There are hardly any au pairs any more though. Op could get a nanny and eat up all her salary.

@underneaththeash even if it eats all her salary she would have done a lot for her future career options.

I am a bit nervous of people saying they'll SAH and then go back FT once the youngest starts school. School is only 9-3, 38 weeks of the year. Personally I found longer hours much easier on us all when the kids were nursery age than when they were in school. I actually reduced my hours when I had children in infant school, and it felt like the right move for us.

How do you manage to get childcare for your temporary locum work at the moment? Is that sustainable and could you grow it to more FT or is it going to wane as the children get older?

I don't know what to advise really, it depends on the strength of your feelings on career vs staying home. There are likely to be other opportunities career-wise. But easy for me to say when it's not my career.