DD cries when I collect her from nursery

[MrsDaffodil13]

Hello all,

I'm feeling so upset and need a bit of advice / reassurance.

I always do the drop offs to nursery and my DH does the collections due to the way our work hours are. She's 10 months old now and has been in nursery for a little over a month, she's doing fantastic!

She's officially at the point where I don't get tears when she's dropped off anymore, except for the odd day here and there of course. But collections....

When DH or anyone else picks her up, they tell me how excited she was, speed crawling across the room to them, screaming with excitement, clapping, the works. I've only been fortunate enough to collect her three times... for me, she's cried bloody murder everytime. Today she even leaned towards one of the nursery works when we were leaving, as if she wanted to go back.

I thought I had a strong bond with her. I'm usually the one she wants for comfort and reassurance, and I'm always so excited to go and collect her and have her happy to see me - I'd be fine if she was just overwhelmed and emotional at the sight of me - but this feels like she doesn't want me to collect her.

Maybe I'm taking it to heart from being upset. But the 10 minute walk home with her crying the entire way and not wanting to go near me has hit hard. 💔

My DD was like this as well at that age up till around a year (sorry!) I put it down to being overwhelmed at seeing me. Kind of like when you’re a kid and hurt yourself but don’t cry until you see your Mum! At least that’s what I was like anyway.

I thought I had a strong bond with her.

You do! It's because of the strong bond that she cries.

I know it seems odd!

It's partly due to it being a change from the norm - you rather than DH (babies are creatures of habit) and partly a way of processing her own intense emotion.

I know it feels crap after a long day away from her but it's completely normal, especially at that stage & for first born DC. My eldest did this too!

It's a phase that will pass soon

My husband and I do the opposite to you and I used to get tears on collection. DD started at 12 months and is now 20. It took her a few months to get used to daycare so don't fret she will settle in soon. I actually think it is because they have such a strong bond with us mothers that they suddenly realise we have been away for x amount of hours and get abit tearful because they have been enjoying themselves at nursery, that's why when other people do pickups you don't tend to get that. I now struggle to prise DD away from nursery and she tried to ignore me now!😂

ah bless OP, it’s hard when they do these things!

It’s just tiredness and her emotions that’s all. It’s nothing to do with her not wanting to see you.

Just a phase, wait until they are spend all day being an absolute angel for their teacher only to morph into a miserable, moany, Antichrist the moment you pick them up from school. Such fun!

one of mine used to scream blue murder when they saw me at pick up.

At one point she ran to the door and tried to stop me getting in whilst shouting “go ‘way mummy. Playing”

Apparently it was because she was so secure she knew I’d be there whenever she needed me so she could be comfortable playing there. Still stung like buggery when everyone else’s kid seemed delighted to see them.

I was secretly a little pleased when one of the others later did it to DH when he did pick ups. Which is mean I know, but did help normalise it for me.

It’ll pass. Try not to let it get to you.

Don't take it to heart.

My DS cries when I pick him up sometimes (2yo).

He enjoys nursery (he smiles when he tells me what he’s been doing). But I think it is a lot for him to handle emotionally to be without parents all day. So when he sees me all the emotions come flooding out.

Like if you’re upset and just about holding it together, and then someone is really sweet to you and you just burst into tears.

Kids are weird. It'll pass. It isn't anything that you're doing wrong and doesn't mean that she doesn't have a close bond with me.

I remember being about toddler age and being looked after by my Grandmother. My Mother came to collect me after work to take me home for a nap. I didn't want to go. She was upset. What I couldn't manage to articulate was that it wasn't that I didn't want to be with her. It was only that I didn't want to have a nap because I wasn't tired but I couldn't really explain it. I had a very close bond with her and still do so it was really no reflection on how I felt about my Mother.

My younger DD hated the transitions... drop off, pick up, visiting halfway through for a play session... it wasn't she hated going or being picked up, she wanted to be both places. All the way up onto Primary School.

Thanks for the messages everyone 💜

It's been extra tiring and potentially I'm being extra emotional as a result. It just stung when she kept trying to throw herself back to the nursery worker.

Will try not to take it to heart and will brave face it on the walk home next time!

I think it's happiness and relief OP. She doesn't have many ways of expressing her emotions at this age. She's that happy to see you that it comes out as tears.

With you that should say.

Yes this is very common, I've been on Mumsnet for about 5 yrs and I've seen loads of threads like this. My DD used to cry at collection for the first few months tbh. My DS has only done this very rarely but he's just a different personality to her. At pick up, as babies especially under 1, they're usually really tired from a long busy day, they see you and realise you've been gone and they love you and I think just get overwhelmed and cry. Especially children who are particularly sensitive and struggle with transitions as my DD is/does.