Childcare on maternity leave

[mno3]

I wanted to get some advice. I have a DD who is 2 and a half, and a newborn who is 7 weeks. I’m really struggling looking after them both. I’m constantly exhausted what with nightfeeds, early starts and a demanding DD who is in full swing terrible twos.

I was in full time employment until last autumn when I gave up my job as we relocated. My work didn’t want me to work remotely and since I was 5 months pregnant, I felt there was little point in applying for another job as I would go on maternity leave soon. DH went freelance a few months before our newborn was born and so money has been tight.

Our DD goes to nursery for two half days a week but we can’t really afford anymore at this point. It feels like everyone I know has help. We don’t live near any family that could lend us a hand.

I’m feeling pretty hopeless at this point. I don’t look forward to the day anymore and the best part of it is going to sleep. I don’t feel like either of my kids are getting the full attention they need. I am considering going back to work but feel like I can’t until the newborn is a bit older.

Could really do with any advice from anyone who has been there.

When will she turn 3? She can access 15 hours free the term after she turns 3 so it's not too long to go. In the meantime, can you make sure to get some alone time / 1:1 baby time at the weekend and dh take dc1 out swimming or park or whatever?

Have you access to any local toddler groups so she can run off steam each day?

Also, could your dh get up with them at 6am on his work mornings then the kids can go downstairs and play/have a bottle feed (if not BFinf) under dhs eye then he wakes you in time for him to leave for work?

I have DTs (just turned 3) and 9 month old. I find juggling the very different needs of the different ages difficult. We also have 2.5 days of childcare and I have a vision of lovely wholesome time on the other days, but its quite chaotic. Baby has to just fit in (never able to nap in the cot) and I focus on taking DTs to activities/ play dates.

I remember it well, it's hard! I split my childcare so I think I had 4x half days in the end, it meant that I had a mini break most days, which was easier!

I went back to work when my baby was 12 weeks and I feel like I'm a better parent for it. A long maternity leave isn't for everyone, especially if you are struggling financially and you don't feel like the children are benefiting from it.

I was you 4 months ago. My baby is now 6m old and toddler is 2.5 and they're just so much easier at 6months than 7weeks and I feel like I can finally DO things with them both. It's still hard and full on but we've managed parks, walks and full on day trips to farms etc in the last month. At 7 weeks this would have seemed beyond impossible. If you can, stick with it and a few months time it'll all seem brighter. Also totally acceptable to get help. If you're really struggling and want to go back to work now then that's fine too. You need to look after yourself

You have more childcare than I did with my DC at that stage!

When DS2 was born DS1 went to the childminder full time for the first 4 weeks. DH was also off work then. DH then went back to work and DS1 went to CM for one full day a week. That was it until DS2 was about 4/5 months old. In the September DS1 was eligible for flying start place (funded hours from 2 in Wales) so he went to the CM for 2.5 hours each day.

It's shit and I was very tired. We watched a lot of Paw Patrol. DS2 started sleeping through from 9 weeks (thank fuck!). DH did night feeds days he was off work. DH also gave DS1 one to one attention when he got in from work/ on days off. But I spent a lot of my time eating chocolate with a baby glued to me saying this won't last forever. And it didn't.

So you did have more childcare when dc1 was 2.5?