Worried about nursery

[Allieball]

Hello, I’m wondering if anybody can offer some advice/reassurance. My 16mo has recently started nursery, he is getting there but still settling (second full week). I went to pick him up today and he was crying on the floor. There was one practitioner sitting with 3 other babies ignoring him and there was another practitioner holding a baby but talking to my DS, I suppose trying to calm him down but he absolutely needed picking up. However all the other babies were completely calm, my DS was upset. I don’t understand why he wasn’t being properly looked after in that moment. I was a bit flustered when I picked him up and feel like I didn’t get enough information about why he was upset. I know there are times of day when all babies are upset, I’m just a bit worried about the context of the situation and annoyed at myself for not questioning things more. Is it too late to bring it up tomorrow? I don’t want it to seem like I don’t trust them.

Another concern I have is regarding sleep, initially they said they were happy to rock him to sleep but now they seem to be transitioning to patting and shushing. My son is really sensitive and I’m just worried he is going to sleep upset. They said it takes quite a long time to get him off to sleep. I do generally think they seem caring and kind, we spent a long time choosing a nursery but I’m just getting a bit anxious and don’t know how best to manage this. Am I over-reacting? Thanks in advance

I think the first point is to remember that he will be in a 1:3 ratio, so, at any given point, the practitioners will never be able to be holding all of them.

Secondly - some children can dislike being held tightly and actually are quite happy with a hand on their back / reassurance the adult is there. Potentially they are still getting used to what he likes / doesn't like.

Thirdly, of course you can ask them tomorrow. You can do it nicely - it doesn't have to be accusatory. Everyone who works in the baby room (in particular, but anywhere in Nursery) should be used to all the worries of parents leaving their dc for the first time, and part of their role is to work with you to get to a place where you are comfortable and have complete faith in the staff there. A lot of that comes through communication (both ways).

To be honest, starting to pat and soothe a 16 month old to sleep rather than rocking is hugely beneficial, not only for your lo but also you. It’s a good transition to make and if nursery are doing this it will really help you at home. It’s good for a child to learn to get to sleep without rocking and will help them to self soothe if they wake in the night. It also means that your lo can learn to sleep in a nursery environment

I think you probably are over-reacting a little. Your language is, understandably, quite emotive. For example, you say a practitioner was ignoring him but really, someone else was with him. Every adult can't get involved every time someone cries. You also say you don't know the situation - if it was around pick up time, the rooms can get quite unsettled.

Give it a chance. It's an anxious time for all of you, it does get better.

I thought you were talking about a 16 week old and was like holy shit sounds awful!

But a 16 month old. Rocking a 16mo to sleep is madness and as long as he’s not ill or injured then talking to him whilst he’s crying and lying on the floor probably isn’t a bad shout. My boys a few weeks off a year. If he’s kicking off I have only realised this last week it’s better to let him have his moment whilst I sit and actively wait, And emphathise with him with eye contact ready for him when he wants to engage again and ask him softly questions like ‘are you ok’, ‘is everything better now’. If I pick him up he calms then instantly looses it when put back down again. It’s as if he has reached the age where he actively has to make the decision not to be melting down.

Talk to the caregiver who is the room leader/key worker in your baby’s room. Their response to you will help you to determine if you will either be reassured or be concerned.

This is your baby and you absolutely do need to know if you can trust the people looking after him.

And yes it is important that they are consistent with the babies routines. However, they also need to do what works best in their nursery setting too. Your baby might respond differently in the nursery setting than he does at home because it is a different environment with different people from his parents.

It is an adjustment and a transitional period right now. They are still getting to know him and he is still getting to know them.

Also, when you say rocking him to sleep, do you mean holding in your arms and rocking him or putting him in the cot and rocking him by moving the cot back and forth?

We would rock some older babies to sleep in the cot by standing next to it, holding onto the corner and (cot being on wheels which can be locked) gently moving the cot back and forth.

But holding an older baby in our arms and rocking them is bad for our backs especially when looking after so many babies. It is an occupation that can be very bad for your back and you really have to look after yourself. So, I agree with them not doing this. It becomes an OHS issue.

Hi everyone, thank you so much for all your considered and thoughtful responses, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. As you can probably tell I’m a first time mum and have found the transition to going back to work difficult, I’m just not used to him being with anybody but me as we have no family nearby.

It completely makes sense what you’ve all said about the rocking to sleep as well, I still feed to sleep at home so I suppose naively this didn’t occur to me that it’s not feasible for them to do this long-term with a bigger baby.

Thank you for all your kind and non-judgemental comments it’s made me feel a lot better about the situation, and helped me to think about it from a different angle. I was definitely feeling quite emotional yesterday but getting some reassurance from you all has really helped! I’ve had a good conversation with them today at drop-off and will keep the lines of communication open, they really do seem kind and caring and are honest with me when he’s having harder days so I just have to lean in and trust that he will settle a bit more soon in his own time. Thanks again, I’ve never posted before but so happy I did!

Good to hear that you are feeling a bit better and had a good conversation with the caregivers at drop off. You sound like a great mum.