Nursery/ grandparents, full time/ part time - confused help!

[Honbee]

I hope wise mumsnetters can help!

I am pregnant with my first and feeling very overwhelmed - all with good choices but overwhelmed none the less. Baby is due September.

I currently work full time and DH works full time. He earns slightly more but careers are very much considered equal. I like my job and I’m good at it. We could live off his salary alone but would be no frills.

I work contract work, so while I do get maternity leave, it means that when I come back from maternity leave I will have three months of my job left (regardless of how long Mat leave I take - a pot of money is put aside for my salary on this project ).
So after three months back at work post Mat leave, I will then need to find a new job. There are murmurs of a new post (0.8 wte/ 4 days a week). within my current company but the funding hasn’t been confirmed yet and won’t be until November (baby due September).

If this new post doesn’t work out I will have to find work elsewhere which I can manage pretty easily in my field (maybe with a slight drop in pay). Jobs are available in a range of wte/days per week - so my options can be pretty flexible.

If you’ve got this far, this is where my issues begin! I feel very overwhelmed!

1. should I take the full year Mat leave or share some with DH (he’s happy to take up to 6 months)? DH says up to me.

2. when I go back to work and my current contract ends and I get a new job, should I look for something part time or full time? What’s the best balance with a young family? We could survive on one salary but would be tight, and DH again says up to me. Will I regret not being at home more when they are young?

3. One set of grandparents have offered 2 days week childcare (and would want payment), the other set grandparents have offered 1.5 days childcare (and wouldn’t want payment). Do I pick this over a nursery or will it be a disaster? I feel like I don’t even know what days to have put down at a nursery (very long waiting lists and feel I need to have it sorted now v early before places go!) as I don’t even know what job I’ll be having once I go back?!

Any advice welcome!

1. should I take the full year Mat leave or share some with DH (he’s happy to take up to 6 months)? DH says up to me.

Well it depends on how you feel. I would have been happy to do shared leave but I work from home and so wouldn't have been "away" from my babies if that makes sense? I know some who've done shared leave and it's been perfect and others do it with disastrous consequences 😂 how do you think your partner will be with a baby?

2. when I go back to work and my current contract ends and I get a new job, should I look for something part time or full time? What’s the best balance with a young family? We could survive on one salary but would be tight, and DH again says up to me. Will I regret not being at home more when they are young?

I'd probably say part time for the first few months if you can. Just to ease back in gently and still have the money!

3. One set of grandparents have offered 2 days week childcare (and would want payment), the other set grandparents have offered 1.5 days childcare (and wouldn’t want payment). Do I pick this over a nursery or will it be a disaster? I feel like I don’t even know what days to have put down at a nursery (very long waiting lists and feel I need to have it sorted now v early before places go!) as I don’t even know what job I’ll be having once I go back?!

Mmm depends again! Will the grandparents suddenly drop childcare when it doesn't suit or will it be a confirmed thing every week? I personally would never ever put my child in a "nursery" until they are old enough to communicate (2/2.5yo) but that's just my personal preference. How flexible is your work? Could you muddle through with nap times and evenings and help from grandparents? Or is it more 9-5 confirmed hours?

@Oopswediditagain2023 Thank you that’s all helpful. I hadn’t thought of working from home
not feeling like “away” from baby if doing shared parental leave!

work is pretty flexible…I guess I hear horror stories of grandparents caring on these boards and it puts me off. But then again you raise points about nurseries too. So many choices!!

We chose to drop to one salary and manage. I don't regret a second of it. Things were economic.....but not desperate. I was savvy with cash. If you chose this option you see friends moving, having swish holidays and getting new cars which we couldn't do. But that isn't important to me. I was able to contract from home part time a bit which helped. (Think 3 days a week for a couple of months.....but it was when I chose. And I tended to do most of this at nights...apart from client meetings. It was tough hut doable).

I'm now back at full time work and facing the issue of not being flexible and able to go to every event at school - like many parents. And feel rubbish every time I miss something....breakfast with books, a reward assembly, sports day etc etc....and this is the second year of this - but the final one for my youngest in primary. I have enjoyed being part of their school life without guilt or stress. Enjoyed taking them to clubs after school, having play dates at will. And I love the school holidays and spending time with the kids.

1. I'd maybe do 9 months and 3 months, that gave us quite a good balance with our second. 6 months felt like too little time, but a year felt like a lot, and my partner wanted some time with the baby too.
2. I personally wouldn't want to give up work completely, I think part time would give you a nice balance.
3. I think this depends on the reliability of the grandparents. If they don't go on holidays often or have other things on, then great. I'd personally rather the security of nursery because it's open 51 weeks and I can't easily take days off work to cover for missed childcare. Grandparents would obviously provide a big saving though, so maybe a balance of 1 day a week with each but use nursery too. That way if nursery are flexible you can add extra days on to cover if grandparents have other things on.

1 I agree with PP that around 8 months for you and the rest for DH? It sort of depends how you feel though. I went back to work when DS was 6 months and he’s done really well at nursery but pumping at work and general milk logistics was a lot of effort.

2 Will you be going back to your current role for 3 months that’s full time? Personally I always think it’s worth giving full time a go and then dropping down hours if you need to. I don’t know if your roles will have that level of flexibility, it does tie into the childcare question below though.

3 if you think you’ll use a nursery put them down as full time for now and then change it later, then you know they’ve got a place. I’d probably use 1 day a week from each set then they will maybe have some flex to take up the odd nursery sick day too.

Something I’ve seen though from friends who work part time and have both sets of grandparents helping. Their DC are just in nursery for a day or two and they can find it really quite hard to settle there because it’s always so many days before they go again they never quite pick up the nursery routine which actually seems much harder on the DC than if they were in nursery for more days.